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General Parenting
difficult child's anxiety's growing, any ideas?
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 229268" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi thanks for all the ideas and thougths I really do appreciate it. I was silly to think this would happen easily to any extent. I"m really fencing it again right now. difficult child and easy child are the most important things to me. I have to be totally honest if this wasnt' a financial issue i simply would not take the job, i'd continue with the guardianship work and see where she's at in another year.</p><p> </p><p>Is it too soon for a child with whom was in crisis mode only 10 mos. ago, am I pushing too hard right now? I"m ok with putting my wants on hold for now, I really am. I'm molding a little special needs person here. Yet it's really hard to decifer what is ok to push at times and what isnt'. With easy child i'd be like ok you'll be fine adn she'd rise to the occassion she always does.</p><p> </p><p>the video game thing I do not like the idea of at all either, it's just that's their little way of bonding. He loves it she loves it and they enjoy it together. I spoke to her at length just now we went for a bagel when we dropped easy child off at her track meet.</p><p> </p><p>Her concerns are she's afraid, she feels alone without me or easy child here. They aren't my "real" family. If you two were married it may feel more real. ugh that made me feel bad. But we can't go to the courthouse tomorrow to get difficult child on board lol. I really like when all of the kids come, yet you here makes me feel ok. I like my apples cut up, you helping me with my hw, you being here. When you walk me into the door at school i feel secure to start my day, i feel secure with my teacher now. </p><p> </p><p>I said it'll be ok, you two wil make it thru and figure it out together. She started crying and said mommy i know you want this job and i know it'll help us to have more money but i'm not ready yet for this mom i'm really not. it's not time yet. she's like an adult the way she talks. I've spent so much time with her this week sledding, video game place, movies today inbetween chores i have. </p><p> </p><p>I'm confused. any scenario i'm throwing out isn't working at this point. boyfriend is nervous also to be quite honest. we both know where she was and that was such a dark place. I do not want to do anything to put her back there again. i'm sorry if i'm being over dramatic here. it's just a rough one for me, i knew it would be. </p><p> </p><p>it reminds me of when she was in pre k and first grade and i worked ft. she'd tell me stories of how she'd be alone in the playground, with an aide etc. how she felt etc. i just kept pushing i didn't know i thought she was a easy child. who knew?? then it took a few years of her unsettling behaviors and awkardness and anxiety and collecting garbage throwing dogs than it all completed with hallucinations and cops and dogs at her school than i knew something was wrong. so i dont' want to push too hard.</p><p> </p><p>how do you know when to push and when not to??? it's a hard fine line there. i could go she could cope, i could go she could wind up in nurses office and feeling uncomfortable. it's going to be very difficult to walk out monday a.m. with a clear head and watching her miserable face and problem crying to boot.</p><p> </p><p>alright i've rambled enough. sorry i'm venting and rambling at the same time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 229268, member: 4514"] hi thanks for all the ideas and thougths I really do appreciate it. I was silly to think this would happen easily to any extent. I"m really fencing it again right now. difficult child and easy child are the most important things to me. I have to be totally honest if this wasnt' a financial issue i simply would not take the job, i'd continue with the guardianship work and see where she's at in another year. Is it too soon for a child with whom was in crisis mode only 10 mos. ago, am I pushing too hard right now? I"m ok with putting my wants on hold for now, I really am. I'm molding a little special needs person here. Yet it's really hard to decifer what is ok to push at times and what isnt'. With easy child i'd be like ok you'll be fine adn she'd rise to the occassion she always does. the video game thing I do not like the idea of at all either, it's just that's their little way of bonding. He loves it she loves it and they enjoy it together. I spoke to her at length just now we went for a bagel when we dropped easy child off at her track meet. Her concerns are she's afraid, she feels alone without me or easy child here. They aren't my "real" family. If you two were married it may feel more real. ugh that made me feel bad. But we can't go to the courthouse tomorrow to get difficult child on board lol. I really like when all of the kids come, yet you here makes me feel ok. I like my apples cut up, you helping me with my hw, you being here. When you walk me into the door at school i feel secure to start my day, i feel secure with my teacher now. I said it'll be ok, you two wil make it thru and figure it out together. She started crying and said mommy i know you want this job and i know it'll help us to have more money but i'm not ready yet for this mom i'm really not. it's not time yet. she's like an adult the way she talks. I've spent so much time with her this week sledding, video game place, movies today inbetween chores i have. I'm confused. any scenario i'm throwing out isn't working at this point. boyfriend is nervous also to be quite honest. we both know where she was and that was such a dark place. I do not want to do anything to put her back there again. i'm sorry if i'm being over dramatic here. it's just a rough one for me, i knew it would be. it reminds me of when she was in pre k and first grade and i worked ft. she'd tell me stories of how she'd be alone in the playground, with an aide etc. how she felt etc. i just kept pushing i didn't know i thought she was a easy child. who knew?? then it took a few years of her unsettling behaviors and awkardness and anxiety and collecting garbage throwing dogs than it all completed with hallucinations and cops and dogs at her school than i knew something was wrong. so i dont' want to push too hard. how do you know when to push and when not to??? it's a hard fine line there. i could go she could cope, i could go she could wind up in nurses office and feeling uncomfortable. it's going to be very difficult to walk out monday a.m. with a clear head and watching her miserable face and problem crying to boot. alright i've rambled enough. sorry i'm venting and rambling at the same time. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child's anxiety's growing, any ideas?
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