difficult child's court appearance

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy, May 9, 2008.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yesterday was difficult child's court date on the domestic violence charge. We got there at 8:15 for our 9:00 hearing time. I thought it was going to be a light court day because by 8:50 there was only us and two other families. Then all heck broke loose as the hallway and waiting rooms quickly filled up with so many kids and probation officers and public defenders and guards that you couldn't breath. difficult child's eyes got wide when a big burly guard ordered everyone to one side of the hallway as another guard led a heavily shakled young man down the corridor. Several other juveniles came in wearing detention clothes and shackled. It's a terribly depressing place.

    We sat forever it seemed waiting for our turn, watching the parade of juveniles. Our attorney talked to us and then the prosecutor talked to us to find out some background and what we wanted to happen. I came out crying and husband's eyes were teared and difficult child thought she was a goner. difficult child's attorney came back in and told us they were willing to amend the charges to a minor misdemeanor of unruliness, no detention time and she could have it expunged in two years if there were no further problems. The prosecutor felt that we were doing everything a PO would do and more so there was no sense in ordering that. She took the plea, wise choice.

    Then we went in front of the magistrate who read difficult child her rights and asked her what happened that day and took her plea. He excused the prosecutor and looked at difficult child and asked her what she was doing there, did she see the young men they brought in in shackles? She had told him she got mad that we took her car away. He told her none of the kids in the hallway waiting their turn had cars and did she know how lucky she was to have two parents sitting with her today because take a look out in the hall and some of those kids have no one. Then he told her that her that he has been waiting years to meet her dad, that he is just about one of the finest constitutional lawyers anywhere and has been hearing great things about him for years and he was worried about not reading her rights correctly in front of him and what the heck was she doing here, she didn't belong here, most of those kids out there didn't even have dads. He told her she had one of the finest psychiatrists around and she should start taking advantage of the opportunities and help she has available to her. He ordered her to pay $50 court costs and told her it had to come out of her money, we could not pay it.

    When we left both husband and her lawyer told her she has no idea how lucky she was and that she just received the last break she would ever get in juvenile court.

    On the way home she put a cd in for me to listen to. She said the song said what she wanted to say. I don't know who sang it but it was a tear jerker about being sorry and not understanding why she does the things she does to hurt us. It was a moment....I don't know how long that will last but it was a moment.

    by the way when we were in the waiting room overhearing all the attorneys and po's talking to the kids and parents, one of them said....'Oh yes oppositional defiant." My ears always perk up when I hear that word. I'm sure most of the kids in there fit that category.

    I'm relieved it's over but I know this was her last chance and I hope that she can get through the next 13 months without further court involvement. I don't ever want to go back there.

  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Not sure whether to be happy or sad. Happy it seemed to go well, sad it happened...

    Here's to hoping difficult child got a wake-up call.
  3. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sound like a great judge. I hope your daughter was listening and took the words to heart.

    The apology is a positive step :) It was a nice way to say it without having to get the words out.

    I hope that was the last time you are placed in that situation.
    Best wishes,
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It sounds like things went pretty well! I wish they handled things like that sometimes here- I've never heard of it though. Hopefully, you'll never have to go back and difficult child won't either.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I hope that your difficult child got the message that it was about HER and not her family. Truthfully, your tears and your husband's tears are how it goes in family court when a difficult child comes from a family that is more blessed than most. The thing to make note of is that the difficult child does not display tears.

    With 100% sincereity I hope you don't see her with ankle chains etc. Those shackles and chains are NOT limited to
    violent offenders. They are used to make life easier for the
    doctor employees. difficult child's think they are for "other kids".

    Fingers crossed. DDD
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I also hope difficult child got the message. What a blessing that those in the courthouse gave it so strongly and consistently. And what a tribute to you and your husband! Someone recently suggested a book for me to read on adoption issues. I only read parts of it. I find it stressful. However, it was also somewhat helpful. It was written by a an adopted child...who had been a difficult child and now doing well. PM me if you would like the title. Good thoughts and fingers crossed for a much brighter future.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Savor the goodness in this day. Do not look to the future, or the past, just relish in today.
    I am so glad things went well & that difficult child felt remorse, as well as the potential for her future if she strays. It is all what causes our kids success in the long run.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I really hope she DOES realize how lucky she is. Dude is being falsely accused of something he didn't do, but because he was at that awful no supervision group home and went for a moped ride - he MAY end up doing 15 years. Tell her about my son - tell her that I think the song was great but that she had BETTER find her own voice in appreciating her Mother and Father.

    Talk about one lucky little girl. I posted a story last week about a young man here who got 196 years and shortly after the same judge gave another man 18 years for shoplifting in a Walgreens.

    Had she not had the father and mother that she has - she would be in jail. I think she's incredibly lucky.

    And you dont have to tell her this - but I am SO glad she's not in jail. She would go in one way and be eaten up by the street wise kids in there and come out someone she wouldn't like.

    (I know you are relieved)
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that your difficult child got a judge that cared enough to scare the bejeezes out of her. I hope. I hope that like you, she "won't ever want to go back there."
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad things went so well. I hope the judge scared the p00p out of her! She IS very blessed, and she needs to do the work to take advantage of those blessings.

    You are doing everything right as parents. Good Job! Just make sure the court costs come out of birthday $$ or $$ she EARNS!!

  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I hope the trip to the courthouse sticks with her for a long time! I can imagine she was scared to death. I hope the humility and awareness continue.

  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another hoping that the experience sticks with her! Hoping this will be the start of better things! Hugs.
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Nancy I am so glad that your difficult child got a kind judge who saw the good that you are trying to do and didn't put your daughter in jail. I do hope she is scared poopless and walks the straight and narrow from here on out. -RM