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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 321753" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sweetie, the therapist is this way. She isn't going to change. You are going to end up having to say what she wants to hear and then after difficult child is out telling him that was all just what they wanted to hear and was NOT true, anymore than what he told them about you was true. Then tell him you are going to have a real family. One where the parents make the rules and the kids follow them. Anything else and he will see the Hawaii justice system and since he has already been in juvie they will NOT be nice. </p><p></p><p>The therapist isn't going to change. She cannot. She is not capable of understanding anything beyond the garbage she is spouting because that is what you get when you pay the lowest possible salary. You don't get people who really have a clue, or common sense. NO ONE in that system has any clue how to handle a difficult child. They are not capable of comprehending that the child might be straight up lying about things at home. I am SURE that difficult child is filling her with what he wants her to think. The other kids are telling him what to tell her to get the most of what he wants. Don't think difficult child isn't listening or that there is a snowball's chance that he will ever admit it.</p><p></p><p>You are going to have to just play the game to get out of the system. The more you write letters (that just confuse the therapist and other adults and overload their pea size brains) the more they are going to lock in on the fact that you are not accepting what they want and you think they are wrong. That means difficult child will come out with more restrictions, not less.</p><p></p><p>Do what you have to, say what they want to hear, don't mail the letters you write. Don't even let them know you are writing letters. Let difficult child know you are playing the game, just like he is. He is smart. He knows you are NOT going to really do these things.</p><p></p><p>You are acting like the juvenile system is rational. That the people in it can think. They cannot, and it isn't. Until you grasp that and start behaving in ways that make them think you "accept" what they are saying, they will not let go of difficult child or you, and they may even not let you take him home.</p><p></p><p>This therapist cannot handle what you are talking about. Her brain will short circuit and stop telling her lungs to inhale and exhale. If you can just remember that, and figure out how to deal with difficult child and his perceptions after he is out, you just might get out of this mess fairly soon.</p><p></p><p>Sorry if this is too blunt. But it is what it is, and the system is ALL paid on the lowest bid system. The people are the cheapest they can find, which is why difficult child can fool them and why using reason and logic does not work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 321753, member: 1233"] Sweetie, the therapist is this way. She isn't going to change. You are going to end up having to say what she wants to hear and then after difficult child is out telling him that was all just what they wanted to hear and was NOT true, anymore than what he told them about you was true. Then tell him you are going to have a real family. One where the parents make the rules and the kids follow them. Anything else and he will see the Hawaii justice system and since he has already been in juvie they will NOT be nice. The therapist isn't going to change. She cannot. She is not capable of understanding anything beyond the garbage she is spouting because that is what you get when you pay the lowest possible salary. You don't get people who really have a clue, or common sense. NO ONE in that system has any clue how to handle a difficult child. They are not capable of comprehending that the child might be straight up lying about things at home. I am SURE that difficult child is filling her with what he wants her to think. The other kids are telling him what to tell her to get the most of what he wants. Don't think difficult child isn't listening or that there is a snowball's chance that he will ever admit it. You are going to have to just play the game to get out of the system. The more you write letters (that just confuse the therapist and other adults and overload their pea size brains) the more they are going to lock in on the fact that you are not accepting what they want and you think they are wrong. That means difficult child will come out with more restrictions, not less. Do what you have to, say what they want to hear, don't mail the letters you write. Don't even let them know you are writing letters. Let difficult child know you are playing the game, just like he is. He is smart. He knows you are NOT going to really do these things. You are acting like the juvenile system is rational. That the people in it can think. They cannot, and it isn't. Until you grasp that and start behaving in ways that make them think you "accept" what they are saying, they will not let go of difficult child or you, and they may even not let you take him home. This therapist cannot handle what you are talking about. Her brain will short circuit and stop telling her lungs to inhale and exhale. If you can just remember that, and figure out how to deal with difficult child and his perceptions after he is out, you just might get out of this mess fairly soon. Sorry if this is too blunt. But it is what it is, and the system is ALL paid on the lowest bid system. The people are the cheapest they can find, which is why difficult child can fool them and why using reason and logic does not work. [/QUOTE]
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