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difficult child's father died on Sunday
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 521672" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs to both of you))))))))))</p><p></p><p>i am so very sorry. it is great that you can remember that it isn't personal and that you are comfortable wth her going back to the fosters as she needed. It is also great that you could share good memories with her in such a loving way.</p><p></p><p>I don't agree to just let her do it her own way. She is only 13 and grief is incredibly difficult to handle. She is going to need some professional help, esp as she was there for so much of his last days and right at the end. I am not saying to dump her into a grief therapy group right now, but if she has a therapist she has bonded with then make sure she has some regular appts in the next few months and that if/when she shows signs of needing more help, then she gets more appts and help. It is important to be aware that handling it too well, with-o breaking down, being the one who is always strong and "there" for others, etc.. is NOT a good thing. It is pretty easy to use comforting others and being strong to avoid dealing with youro wn grief. eventually you MUST deal with that grief and waiting years or decades to do it means you spend those years in unhealthy patterns. </p><p></p><p>It wouldn't be bad to contact a grief therapist and ask what to expect and what signs would mean that difficult child needed more help or more specialized help.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying to make a big deal about this, just to keep your eyes open and be aware of what is and isn't normal for a grievng teen and for her. </p><p></p><p>I am very sorry for your loss and for difficult child's loss.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 521672, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs to both of you)))))))))) i am so very sorry. it is great that you can remember that it isn't personal and that you are comfortable wth her going back to the fosters as she needed. It is also great that you could share good memories with her in such a loving way. I don't agree to just let her do it her own way. She is only 13 and grief is incredibly difficult to handle. She is going to need some professional help, esp as she was there for so much of his last days and right at the end. I am not saying to dump her into a grief therapy group right now, but if she has a therapist she has bonded with then make sure she has some regular appts in the next few months and that if/when she shows signs of needing more help, then she gets more appts and help. It is important to be aware that handling it too well, with-o breaking down, being the one who is always strong and "there" for others, etc.. is NOT a good thing. It is pretty easy to use comforting others and being strong to avoid dealing with youro wn grief. eventually you MUST deal with that grief and waiting years or decades to do it means you spend those years in unhealthy patterns. It wouldn't be bad to contact a grief therapist and ask what to expect and what signs would mean that difficult child needed more help or more specialized help. I am not saying to make a big deal about this, just to keep your eyes open and be aware of what is and isn't normal for a grievng teen and for her. I am very sorry for your loss and for difficult child's loss. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child's father died on Sunday
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