difficult child's first friends in 3 years!!! *teary*

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mattsmom277, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    So most of you know that after a lifetime of difficult child-ness, Matt is partially (mostly even ... maybe??) easy child or at least, a emerging typical teen. One lingering problem is his withdrawl from socializing. He was always popular despite his difficult child-ness. Then after grade 8, he changed so much, morphed into a teen trying to do better, trying to learn from mistakes.

    Part of this change was him withdrawing into home, and away from socializing. Other than 2 brothers who he's known since birth, he has had NO friends. Not one. The 2 brothers are both busy. One about to graduate and move on to University after this year, busy with hockey etc. The other brother is working, paying rent, living a more "adult" life. My difficult child didn't want to meet new people, he was worried they'd learn his history of issues and he wanted to fly under the radar I guess. I have urged him to not forgo friendships, it isn't healthy. But he dealt okay with it and didn't seem unhappy.

    Last night he asked for $ (he never asks for $) to go to the movies and for supper at a fast food place. I asked with who. I assumed one of the brothers since they've not been around much. Instead it was a group outing with boys from his grade 11 civics class. Funny enough, S/O and I were going to the early show of the same film he was going to later that same night.

    We ran into him in the mall attached to the theater. He was chatting away and laughing with a fairly large group of boys. They all dressed trendy but not crazy, looked well groomed and well behaved too for a group of teens unattended at a mall. It was so nice to see him with friends. I didn't know how much it bothered me, his withdrawl. I was able to see my old Matt coming back to life, but minus the baggage that weighed him down, and in full confidence in himself that he's a good kid with goals and alot to offer others in friendship. I told easy child today "Your brother went out with FRIENDS". She pretended to faint ;). She then hugged me and said "he's coming back mom". Wise 10 year old my easy child is!!! I kind of welled up. easy child and I are in cahoots to not make a big deal about his new friends. But inside, I'm so proud he picked good kids to get to know, and that he's finally feeling well enough about himself to not feel ashamed if his friends learn he has a history.

    Dare I dream, that it really IS all history?? *sniff sniff*

    He's now 6'3, 150 lbs, facial hair, size 13 feet. He's a man. And I'm darn proud of him.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That is outstanding!! A couple of people in Department of Juvenile Justice are starting to help me see how difficult child having confidence that he can overcome this is a big part of the battle- bigger than I thought apparently. So, Way To Go to your difficult child and to you, too!!
  3. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    Hey mattsmom

    Thanks for the post. This is a great thing. Remember there may be a few dips on this roller coaster but it sounds like things are looking good.

    And thanks for sharing, my difficult child is being a difficult child typical teen blend and i feel like I am losing him. (as do some teachers). So its good to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Yeah difficult child and I hope he gets another night out! WITH FRIENDS!
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    There is hope for us afterall! That's very heartwarming to hear. I'm glad he's turned it around and things are going so well for him. I hope it continues! :D
  5. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    :) We have our days, Matt and I. But they are now few and far between. Actually it isn't normall a bad day, just a bad moment in time.

    The ultimate best thing for me to see happening with him though ... two things actually:

    1) He grew out his hair absurdly long in order to hide behind it, literally hide behind it. I hated it but let him do his thing. It went on for many years. I bit my tongue LOTS lol. He keeps cutting it. Shorter and shorter. Its now cut so he can SEE and be SEEN. Longer than a typical boy cut, but in keeping with the shaggy styles teen boys are into right now. It's like he's emerging from a cacoon lol.

    2) His beautiful smile! I watched him go from a happy smiling kid with a impish grin and twinkling eyes, to a boy hiding behind that hair, rarely if ever smiling and when he would, the twinkle was just gone. He's sparkling again :) And laughter and happiness come naturally again. I can't wait for the coming years to see what all achieves and how much more personal growth is ahead of him.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad to hear he's "sparkling" and is having fun with peers! It's definately heartwarming for us to see our kids enjoying typical stuff!

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    WOW! What a lot of progress! Way To Go. I hope it continues in this positive direction.
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    M'sMom, thanks for sharing this with us. Updates like this bring tears of joy to my eyes.

  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you for sharing this, it truly warmed my heart! So glad he is "coming back"~
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Way To Go! I love reading these posts. It is heartwarming to see. Social skills, social issues are such a painful tough thing for most of our kids. Those of us who have to watch our kids suffer through this get it and feel the joy and happiness each time one of kids is accepted by someone else!!!