difficult child's friends - ditched again & depressed

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This is the story of difficult child's life (well, not LITERALLY the story of her life...just a part of it, haha).

    She becomes involved with losers and drips. Practically pants when its time to hang out with them, bends over backwards to accommodate them and get them or give them rides, spends her money to help them all get wasted, will go to the ends of the Earth for them. Abandons everything and everyone just to be accepted by these drips.

    She was at her dads for nearly 6 weeks, kept in touch with most of these people and couldn't wait to get back to CT so she could hang out with these people. They all said they missed her and couldn't wait for her to come home so she could hang out with them.

    Well, since Saturday, she has made plans each evening with the same boy who she was all hot in the pants for, and he was supposedly all hot in the pants for her, and what happened?? He ditched her; never showed, never called or called and cancelled. I am wondering if the reason is because she can't go to him (no license) and so he would have to come to her, which means he'd have to meet H and me. Ha!

    Not one of these so-called friends that difficult child refers to as "so excellent and cool and fun and nice and not losers or drunks or potheads" has made any time to visit difficult child since she's been home. Not even her BEST FRIEND who lives 3 doors away!

    I am not angry at these kids (well, the BFF a little) at all because this is what I expect from people like them. They are self centered and I knew they were not the kind of life long friends difficult child should be seeking out. Instead of finding ways to entertain herself and focusing on her current goals (which she is doing, though not as excitedly as I would prefer), she's constantly checking her email, her myspace, her cell voice mail and our caller ID to see if one of these losers has called her yet. I dare not say a word and there will be no "I told you so" from moi. I don't have the hardened heart to make her feel even more crummy about things. Instead, I try to engage her in activities and suggest she read a good book (I have hundreds) or watch a movie (we have Netflix) or go for a walk with the dogs and me, call up an old (nice) friend and maybe go to Starbucks or Friendly's.

    I am sad for her, because I know that if she's not properly medicated (which she is) this is the kind of thing that could cause a setback. I can see the depression seeping into her...she's feeling left out, alone, abandoned and angry. She will hang out with just about anyone at this point (another worry). She did get a job and I hope it starts today! She needs to have something to be engaged in so this shadow of self doubt does not linger. I keep hoping she meets some geek at Sharper Image and ditches the losers.

    What is that AA saying? Oh yeah, One Day at a Time. Thank goodness, I think, that easy child comes home this coming weekend - maybe they can hang out a little together and do stuff.
     
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds like maybe they don't want to hang with her because she's trying to make choices to not be doing the things they have always done together, which is a good thing.

    I know it hurts as a teenager to have your friends turn out to not really be your friends, but at this stage, she's better off finding new ones anyway.
     
  3. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    I know it stinks! difficult child had plans last weekend to go to Fright Fest on Sunday with some kids from school she said she has been "hanging out with" at school. They were to come over and meet me and I would drive them there, and another mother would pick up. She was so excited and sunday rolls around and she hears from no one. Then she texted one and they said they were sick. Not really sure of the truth, but difficult child bought it...sigh. It makes you feel so bad!

    But on the positive side, she may meet some much better friends at her new job. Hey I'm all for geeks!
     
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I ♥ Geeks
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I <3 geeks too.

    But I can't make a heart like that.

    Jo, you are doing the right thing by doing nothing. She will see for herself. Kudos to you, mama.
     
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hold your Alt key and the #3 from your numeric pad and you can make a ♥ too!
     
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have to try it
    ♥
    Cool!

    Sorry about difficult child and the friends issue. My difficult child has a horrible time with so called friends. It never works out in a good way for her. They always leave her behind or get mad at her. Frankly, most of the time it is probably my difficult child acting immature or mean that turns them off. She has not once had a friend for an entire school year.

    It is tough on the mommy heart for sure!
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    that is the thing, ant always was so unpopular the only thing left was the dregs. he would be so lonely it was dangerous.
    sigh
    hope she finds some pals at work.
     
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ant'smom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">that is the thing, ant always was so unpopular the only thing left was the dregs. he would be so lonely it was dangerous. sigh hope she finds some pals at work. </div></div>

    Yes, the dregs of society - that is her clique! Haha -

    I remember back about 14 years we rented a condo in this very small community that had a wooded path that led to a local supermarket. Well, it became the walkway for all the drips around to use as a cut through. One day I commented, "There goes another drip" to H and difficult child (easy child at that point) asked, "What's a drip?" and H and I both said at exactly the same moment...."someone you don't want to ever hang out with" - lol. Well, doesn't it just stand to figure? Haha.
     
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    &#9829;&#9829;&#9829;&#9829; cool. I just had to try it also.

    Sorry. I didn't mean to change the subject, but I just had to see if it worked :smile:
     
  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult children have also had trouble keeping friends. Different reasons.. Youngest tended to hang with the "hoodlums" in high school (as I not-so-affectionately called them), and when she got pregnant and stopped partying with them, she had no other friends to fall back on, and it was difficult to even find or make new ones because of her "reputation." She's still struggling with that, and I think it's one reason she's staying with the abusive father-of-the-baby. Oldest, on the other hand, wears friends out, in my opinion ... friends come and go out of her life like wildfire, almost like romantic relationships that start intensely and burn out quickly. She's got a dynamic personality that draws people in, until she begins to get caught in various lies and exaggerations, or goes through her crazy mood swings then friends fade away. So far her husband is hanging in there, sure hope it lasts.

    It's hard to stand by and watch, in either case.
     
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    :frown:

    My keyboard doth not cooperate.
     
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    It is so hard when they are moving on and their friends are not.
    I hope she finds some really nice people to hang with soon. -RM
     
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    difficult child met up with some of her losers, ahem, friends, last night. I had to drive her since they live way out of town and she has no license, but it was okay as I was visiting a friend who lives on the way.

    I guess they had a fun time and the boy she likes was there. When I picked her up they were all sitting on a bench on the sidewalk. Now, these are kids I do not know, never met. You would think one of two things might occur.

    1) daughter would have them come meet me. You know, a quick "mom this is so and so" and be on our way. Orrrr.....

    2) The boy who likes her would at least walk to the car and introduce himself since he's cancelled coming to our home and meeting us 3 times already. Wouldn't this have been a perfect, east way to break the ice so when he finally does come to our house it's not so awkward??

    Well, am I old fashioned in my thinking? OMG, have I turned into my mom?
     
  15. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    The way parents breathe embarrass kids at this age. :0 I doubt my kids would have made introductions either at this age.

    Friendships are a struggle for easy child's at this age ... let alone difficult children.

    Hope she finds a positive peer group and fast. It makes all the difference. Does she do any volunteer work. Sometimes that is a great way to meet great kids.
     
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    gg - I have been trying to get my girls to volunteer since forever. They take it up and then slowly it peters out. I haven't been the best role model in that area. I usually only do my volunteer work around the holidays. It's not too late. I've always wanted to do volunteer work at a local women's shelter and that's the place that I've been involved with at the holiday season, but I have been considering taking the course necessary to have more of a hand's on role and be on premises, so maybe....

    Thanks for pointing out the obvious - her friends are no different than most when it comes to being introduced to parents!
     
  17. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    LOL @ the way parents breathe! but no kidding!

    Did you go and breathe funny, Jo? The nerve.

    I get it though. Here I am, thinking I am "cool" enough to meet my daughter's friends, and she would "OMG just DIE" if her friends had to meet me.

    Rotton kids.
     
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I used to stand there, mortified, after introducing a date to my mother. Her first freakin question would always be, without fail, "So, what are your intentions with my daughter?"...now most guys I dated back then were too boggled by the word "intentions" to be able to form a coherent response. Ahhhh, I'm sure my mother laughed her rear end off as soon as we left. I thought she was so obnoxious...but now I get it....payback is a, well, you know.
     
  19. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I find that often the late teens is a really awkward time. You have outgrown your high school friends---everyone has moved on to different lives. PCdaughter graduated early. She is working in the insurance industry and attending community college. She has nothing in common with high school kids and is not old enough for the 21+ crowd coming back to town after graduating from college. All that's left are the dregs....she spends a lot of time here at the house or with family. I know she's lonely. I'm hoping her buddies will be home for Thanksgiving.
     
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