difficult child's further plan for when he's 18

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I had posted last week about difficult child deciding he was going to move back to bio mom after he's 18. We discussed it some more in counseling tonight....THAT went well. :hammer: (We {husband & I} aren't being supportive, blah blah blah.) Apparently though, part of his little plan is to stop taking his medications when he's 18 because he doesn't need them, he isn't BiPolar and has no use for them. I asked him if he remembers the rages he used to have and got the typical snotty reply "Yeah and I don't HAVE them anymore." God love his counselor who beat me to the punch on this one....."That would be because you're Taking. Your. medications." difficult child wasn't really happy about that one.....poor thing! lol

    I did call difficult child's bio grandmother tonight to give her a heads up and also scope out bio mom's situation. (translation: is she in jail at the moment?) Siiiiigh....what a mess. difficult child's older brother S basically moved in with bio mom when he turned 18 although he's had contact with her over the years. (G'ma had guardianship since S was a baby but he saw BM over the years). S and his girlfriend and her baby were living in BM's basement, no jobs, no money, and S's friends in and out drinking. Currently, S is in a work release/halfway house, got a DUI, BM has a warrant out for her arrest and could either do time or get work release. She did 8 months last year or the year before and is constantly in trouble for something. During the time S has been "away", his girlfriend has had another baby (neither of which are his), she (along with S's friends and people at the house) have run off with most of his clothes. He called gma and said that the only socks and underwear he has left are the ones he has on but when he gets paid he runs out and buys the latest CD that he wants. Gma has finally learned detachment with S and has refused to do anymore for him. She still enables BM somewhat but is making progress.

    As for difficult child going back to BM.....according to Gma BM would welcome him back with open arms because that would mean that she got him back and she "won". That attitude would, of course, last for about a week. Then difficult child would discover that she isn't going to wait on him hand and foot, won't cook for him or buy him stuff. Plus her boyfriend is going to pound him because you DO NOT mess with this guy's soda and junk food. Well guess what the two biggest things around here are that we HAVE to lock up??? (I forgot one day and left a TWELVE PACK out for A DAY. Had 3 left and I'm considering myself lucky)

    So the next year should be verrrrrrrry interesting. :smile: :rolleyes:
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As irritating as this is, I still would take the approach of, "Sure, go ahead!" and smile. Fighting it will give him a reason to stay longer. From what you've said, I doubt he'll last long there. It sounds like a mess. I hope he changes his mind, but, if he doesn't, shake his hand, give him a big "I hope it works and call me and visit often" and I'll bet you see more of him than you see of him now, living at home.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    :hammer:
    Oh dear, this will not end well! Many {{{hugs}}} and I hope he comes to his senses before it's too late.
    :hammer:
     
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I agree with MM. If you do not want him to do it, it will make him more determined.
     
  5. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I agree to just listen and let him talk. I hope he wakes up.
     
  6. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Geez :rolleyes:

    Can I ask - if he stayed with you at 18, and stopped taking his medications, umm, hon, how would you live with that? :surprise: I'm thinking Dylan, 18, Bipolar, no medications, OMG :smile:

    Ok, my oldest is 15 and doesn't live with me, so I have no clue what you could possibly be going through. But, in this position, what can you really do?

    Do you think he could go with BM, see the true colors, realize what he had, and come back?

    Maybe letting him go is the best idea, give him the "well, good luck to you" attitude (which, I know, has GOT to be easier said than done), and see what he does.

    Maybe you want to let him know if he stops taking his medications, though, there is a serious consequence for that. Let him know that, like, now (I would).

    This just sucks for you, and I'm sorry. Maybe he'll change his mind and realize what he has to lose.

    (((HUGS)))

    Janna
     
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    husband and I completely agree. If difficult child lives here after 18 and goes off his medications..........he's out. There's just no way I would live with him unmedicated, I don't believe it would be safe for any of us. I haven't really said anything to him about that yet as he's mainly been focused on moving back to his "home county". When we get closer to that time, I'll probably take a look at what his attitude is and then go over his options. I will still have him here if he's in high school of course. (and ON medications) If he's not in school however, there will be rules and conditions. That's assuming we haven't filed for guardianship, or that he hasn't left....anything could happen between now and then.

    Like I said, it looks to be an interesting year.
     
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yep. On this one I'd keep all opinion about BM to myself. And hope he comes to his senses long before his birthday.

    As for not thinking he needs his medications, and not being bipolar.... Well, this is pretty common for bipolars. It's the reason they are hard to treat. You take your medications, and they work, you're fine. So you get to thinking "I'm ok, I don't need them." Then they stop, and everything falls apart. Then stumble back into treatment til the next time, or they learn to recognize the pattern.

    I've done this twice myself. :rolleyes: :redface:
     
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