difficult child's new therapist came off as a witch!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Nov 14, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    difficult child just called with the new therapist on a conference call. We were having a nice conversation and then he asked if we were still going up for his birthday and I said yes. He wanted to know if we were going to spend the night and see him both days or just the one day and come home. I told him that the plans are still up in the air because of money (still no job) and it depends on my brother and sister in law. difficult child asked why and I told him that my sister in law is going to go stay with my brother for a while to drive him because he got a DWI and will probably loose his license for a month. They had been talking that maybe she could go for a while then my husband go drive him around for a while because my hubby is disabled and can not work. That way she can come home and work. I did not want to tell difficult child all of this NEW information in front of this total stranger.Well apparently difficult child made a face when I said that when we go up that might be the half way mark to switch out my hubby for my sister in law. The therapist got hateful and said that he is only allowed to see immediate family. I said I know that BUT we were told that by the time we go he will have his phase and he can see anybody we take. She then made the comment that why would I take somebody up there to see him if he doesn't want us to. I told her that they have done a lot for difficult child, at that time difficult child made the comment to her that his face was not about my brother going it was more about how his dad was going to miss his birthday but meet them halfway to drive my brother. I told him NO dad is going to be there to see you. She then hatefully said to me well why don't you tell me what he has done. At this point I was fuming. She knows nothing about us and as you all know difficult child has a wild imagination. I tried to explain to her that they went with us to court more than once and went with us to plead to the board to give difficult child an opportunity to come home and prove what he had learned in the facility VS jail time. The thing is that when difficult child is doing good and my brother is doing good (my sister in law says he is undiagnosed bipolar) they have a great relationship --difficult child respects him --BUT when they are doing bad well you can imagine two bipolar off medications. wow huh but thats what we have so we deal with it as best we can.
    I understand that she is trying to understand the family dynamics but shouldn't you listen to both sides of the story before you come to a conclusion. AND it is not her place to make judgments but to help difficult child learn how to cope better. Everybody around him isn't going to change for him.
    UGH!! I was so upset by the time I got off the phone. She said that now she wants to request that we do video phone conferences so that we can she difficult child's reactions to the things that we say. Maybe that is good then we can call him on some of the stuff that he is telling them too. We will be talking and then all of a sudden they are talking amongst themselves but we can understand what is being said.
    I promised difficult child that I would be there for his birthday but now we have other things on our plate too that we can't tell him about. We still have not told him about a lot of things so as not to upset him and complicate his treatment. This is the thing --my brother is living out of state for this new job but my sister in law and nephew are here and they took in my other sisters son. Well they have two houses because they by -restore and sell them. They bought one 3 years ago that they moved into--rented out the other but now with the economy it is better to rent the bigger house and move back to the old house they were renting. The renters trashed the house. They are going to have to pull up all the carpets -rebuild walls-all new cabinets -paint you name it. The new house rented and they had no where to go so the three of them are living with us. Which means that when she goes to drive my brother around I will be "babysitting" two seniors in high school. Like I don't have enough on my plate. You do what you have to for family. Just bugged that this lady it making it an issue that they WANT to see difficult child too and that difficult child makes comments that he wishes someone else was able to see him. Other than being at court nobody has seem him in a eight months. He hasn't seen his sister and brother or grandmother in about 3 years since my mother can not travel.
    Any ideas how to make this new therapist catch on sooner than the others---too late.
    Good thing is that he is still holding it together. He has been working and has about six hundred dollars. :D I am sure that it is burning a hole in his pocket!
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry it didn't go as well as you hoped. I can only imagine the wild stories difficult child has told her -been there done that and my difficult child barely survived it, lol!

    Have you written a Parent Report? There is a link in my signature that will take you to the outline. It is a great way to communicate complicated info with docs and tdocs, etc.... Work on in in chunks rather than all at once because it is a pretty big task. It will help you get everything organized and then you can copy whatever parts you want various docs to have rather than trying to get them to understand it while you are talking with them.

    I hope things work out for his birthday. Living with family is hard, but it is nice of you to have them live iwth you while they rehab the trashed house.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe you should arrange to talk to the therapist one on one without difficult child on the phone. That shouldnt be a problem. If money is an issue well, so be it. Sometimes it just isnt possible for you to travel to be with difficult child because of finances. He will have to understand. If he doesnt, that is what this therapist is there for...to help him cope with unpleasant situations.

    I got confused myself with your story about who is traveling with whom where. Who has the DWI and why does who have to drive halfway where and why. But whatever, if certain people have to go for you to have transportation, they certainly arent going to sit in the parking lot for two days. Now if them taking you means you can only see him for a short while so they can go do something else and return home that same day instead of getting a motel and staying over, well that will have to happen.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think that Janet is right. See if you can talk to the therapist without your son being on the phone and explain to him what it realyl going on and what you are trying to shield him from. The therapist should be working with difficult child to learn to cope with life when things don't go his way, not support him when he doesn't even understand the full background and family dynamics.

  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I may be way off base here...

    but I wonder if this is a simple matter of priorities?

    difficult child obviously expects to be the center of your world. in real life - obviously, he cannot be...and when you have extenuating circumstances are other people to worry about - difficult child's wants and needs sometimes have to take a back seat.

    I wonder if difficult child and the counselor expected your call to be entirely focused on difficult child and this special visit for him...and when you tried to explain your plan (which did NOT seem to have difficult child at the center of the universe) , difficult child got upset and the counselor got upset for him. Very unprofessional of her, but, still possible.
  6. mog

    mog Member

    Thank you all--My brother got the DWI and will probably loose his license for 30 days in which time he will need a ride back and forth to work, the store and to do laundry because he is living in his travel trailer while he decides if this new job is something that is going to be permanent. His wife is working and can only take so much time before she looses her job and since my husband does not work due to his disability we all thought that it might be better for everyone if he goes to drive him around so that she can stay and work.
    The weekend of difficult child's birthday would be a good time to switch out my hubby with his wife since it is almost halfway --that way neither party have to drive the full long drive. husband has every intention of spending time with difficult child for his birthday but we ourselves have not pinned down a definite plan. They said that if we meet there that they might pay for a hotel so that we all can visit with him for a longer period of time vs only seeing him one day for a couple of hours.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just here lending support. Can't add much to what the others have said. You've gotten some great feedback and insight.