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difficult child's Perceptions...............
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 242740" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>m23 - </p><p> </p><p>I had to chuckle when I read this because this was EXACTLY THE SAME victimization thinking we uncovered in therapy with Dude. O.M.G. are you KIDDING? </p><p> </p><p>My thoughts were that yes....Dude did have a horrible start in life with an idiot-cromagnun geno type father. (MY MISTAKE) but we left when he was 5 1/2, got into therapy RIGHT away and did EVERYTHING that EVERYONE told us to do to help. After I suffered a stroke from the stress of Dudes actions I called it on the mat. I have gained an entire human or 140 lbs., my hair has fallen out, I have reoccuring ulcers, at one time I was so out of chemical whack I was growing a moustache and bald - but not from pulling out my hair. </p><p> </p><p>SO in therapy I finally admitted to the psychiatrist that I was defeated. I just didn't want to PLAY Mom anymore to a Badger/Porcupine mix with a narcissistic, victim, pity poor little me, I had a carp life complex. I wanted a child I could like. And the result was the ppdoc telling us we had to cut him off. Clear the playing field is the wording he used. </p><p> </p><p>When he lied? We called him on it. Like when your daughter SAID on the phone "Aiden has an enlarged heart muscle" and you walked by and said "I didn't say that" and she said her speil. Those are the things that our psychiatrist said HAD TO BE NIPPED IN THE BUD AT THE VERY MOMENT they happened and over and over again we did do quite a battle. We also used a series of statments like "If your lips are moving you must be lying." and for MONTHS if he even said "I'm going to the back yard" we followed him outside to make sure he was doing it. IT WAS ANNOYING as all get out. But eventually we got 1/2 truths, then 3/4 truths.....and now I can say I get whole truths 1/2 of the time - but I still don't trust him and never miss an opportunity to make him realize that by habitually following him or making him show me his pockets or his money or whatever he says he's done or has......I WANT TO SEE IT SHOW ME. </p><p> </p><p>I'm really sorry that she continues to play the victim, but maybe there is someone you can talk to about getting help with learning how to do what our psychiatrist worked with us on. Cripes it was hard. Yes, there were a LOT of arguments on his part. WE were instructed to walk away when he started yelling about lying or making himself out to be the poor pitiful kid. </p><p> </p><p>I maintain he's 18 now and was 5 1/2 when we left our abusive life - and it has taken over 13 years to get to this point WITH all the help we had. And that call? OMG - snort - I swear I would make it - I'll tell you something. I was doing geneaology for Dude's biofather and posted the last name on a web site - and OMG I got hits - it's an uncommon name. And even the people on there asked "Are these people NORMAL?" or "They are crazy." because I have yet to meet ANYONE with their last name related or not - that wasn't NUTS. (Apparently I wasn't the only one infatuated with the charm of the nut tree) </p><p> </p><p>Hugs - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 242740, member: 4964"] m23 - I had to chuckle when I read this because this was EXACTLY THE SAME victimization thinking we uncovered in therapy with Dude. O.M.G. are you KIDDING? My thoughts were that yes....Dude did have a horrible start in life with an idiot-cromagnun geno type father. (MY MISTAKE) but we left when he was 5 1/2, got into therapy RIGHT away and did EVERYTHING that EVERYONE told us to do to help. After I suffered a stroke from the stress of Dudes actions I called it on the mat. I have gained an entire human or 140 lbs., my hair has fallen out, I have reoccuring ulcers, at one time I was so out of chemical whack I was growing a moustache and bald - but not from pulling out my hair. SO in therapy I finally admitted to the psychiatrist that I was defeated. I just didn't want to PLAY Mom anymore to a Badger/Porcupine mix with a narcissistic, victim, pity poor little me, I had a carp life complex. I wanted a child I could like. And the result was the ppdoc telling us we had to cut him off. Clear the playing field is the wording he used. When he lied? We called him on it. Like when your daughter SAID on the phone "Aiden has an enlarged heart muscle" and you walked by and said "I didn't say that" and she said her speil. Those are the things that our psychiatrist said HAD TO BE NIPPED IN THE BUD AT THE VERY MOMENT they happened and over and over again we did do quite a battle. We also used a series of statments like "If your lips are moving you must be lying." and for MONTHS if he even said "I'm going to the back yard" we followed him outside to make sure he was doing it. IT WAS ANNOYING as all get out. But eventually we got 1/2 truths, then 3/4 truths.....and now I can say I get whole truths 1/2 of the time - but I still don't trust him and never miss an opportunity to make him realize that by habitually following him or making him show me his pockets or his money or whatever he says he's done or has......I WANT TO SEE IT SHOW ME. I'm really sorry that she continues to play the victim, but maybe there is someone you can talk to about getting help with learning how to do what our psychiatrist worked with us on. Cripes it was hard. Yes, there were a LOT of arguments on his part. WE were instructed to walk away when he started yelling about lying or making himself out to be the poor pitiful kid. I maintain he's 18 now and was 5 1/2 when we left our abusive life - and it has taken over 13 years to get to this point WITH all the help we had. And that call? OMG - snort - I swear I would make it - I'll tell you something. I was doing geneaology for Dude's biofather and posted the last name on a web site - and OMG I got hits - it's an uncommon name. And even the people on there asked "Are these people NORMAL?" or "They are crazy." because I have yet to meet ANYONE with their last name related or not - that wasn't NUTS. (Apparently I wasn't the only one infatuated with the charm of the nut tree) Hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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