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difficult child's problem with stepmother
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 577924" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>As a stepmother whose children had four or five stepmothers, sigh, I understand how complex these situations can be...and often are. My children were not treated poorly by any of the steps. Their Dad never could or would accept any advice or share any parenting issues with me. I, on the other hand, have a SD who has never liked me and we have coexisted since 1976 with only one joint outburst (when she was 19 and no longer a child).</p><p></p><p>Having raised difficult children I have to think that being a SM to a boy who follows the beat of a different drummer likely is difficult especially if her husband is the inconsiderate man he appears to be. The only two suggestions I would have are these:</p><p>(1) ask your son to make notes in a special book (or electronic device if he has one) of when things go wrong and what he or she was doing prior to the problem. I would suggest to him that "sometimes" all of us do or say things that cause problems with-o even recognizing it so it might help him recognize the problem. This idea appeals to me as it would be enforcing his self awareness as well as sensitivity to how others might feel....and it also would empower him while it defused the situation.</p><p>(2) I would consider reaching out to former mother in law or sister in law's/brother in law's or father in law and expressing your concerns that difficult child seems to feel uncomfortable and asking if they have any insight that might help him feel better. Really, it could just be that he's a "boy" and likely more active, louder, etc. I would not say that he complains etc. I would just say that you know his Dad and SM are doing a great job (lol, barf!) but he seems to feel that he is not being "good enough". Vague but polite request for support from someone who actually loves him.</p><p></p><p>Awkward situation for sure. I didn't do a perfect job but, like you, I did my best. by the way, have you considered writing brief notes for the kids to deliver in person...like.."by the way, difficult child got straight E's." Yeah it's like walking through a mine field. Good Luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 577924, member: 35"] As a stepmother whose children had four or five stepmothers, sigh, I understand how complex these situations can be...and often are. My children were not treated poorly by any of the steps. Their Dad never could or would accept any advice or share any parenting issues with me. I, on the other hand, have a SD who has never liked me and we have coexisted since 1976 with only one joint outburst (when she was 19 and no longer a child). Having raised difficult children I have to think that being a SM to a boy who follows the beat of a different drummer likely is difficult especially if her husband is the inconsiderate man he appears to be. The only two suggestions I would have are these: (1) ask your son to make notes in a special book (or electronic device if he has one) of when things go wrong and what he or she was doing prior to the problem. I would suggest to him that "sometimes" all of us do or say things that cause problems with-o even recognizing it so it might help him recognize the problem. This idea appeals to me as it would be enforcing his self awareness as well as sensitivity to how others might feel....and it also would empower him while it defused the situation. (2) I would consider reaching out to former mother in law or sister in law's/brother in law's or father in law and expressing your concerns that difficult child seems to feel uncomfortable and asking if they have any insight that might help him feel better. Really, it could just be that he's a "boy" and likely more active, louder, etc. I would not say that he complains etc. I would just say that you know his Dad and SM are doing a great job (lol, barf!) but he seems to feel that he is not being "good enough". Vague but polite request for support from someone who actually loves him. Awkward situation for sure. I didn't do a perfect job but, like you, I did my best. by the way, have you considered writing brief notes for the kids to deliver in person...like.."by the way, difficult child got straight E's." Yeah it's like walking through a mine field. Good Luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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