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difficult child's request
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630444" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>It's okay, Echo. You are doing what you decided to do, right now. You are the only one who knows the whole story. I find myself fantasizing about what I could do for difficult child's birthday coming up July 27, buy him a month at a halfway house, get him a bike, a Kroger gift card...we all want to do for our kids, especially those who struggle and have our heart and then even more especially, when they start taking steps in the right direction.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Good. This is exactly where you need to be, right where you are, right this minute. You are human, and you are going to vascillate. This is a highly transitional and emotional time, so give yourself a lot of breaks. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. It has to start somewhere. And it likely will not be smooth and all-forward and pretty all the time. So get ready for that, Echo. It's going to be bumpy. You bumpy. Him bumpy. </p><p></p><p>How are you going to handle it as the bumps begin? Think about that, and start making a plan about that for YOU. That is good work and good time well spent. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the I'm-so-freakin-tired-of-the-same-old-thing-over-and-over-again hamster wheel we were on for so long. You got it all in place and what did he do? Smashed it to smithereens. Of course you are totally and completely enraged about this. Because if this was still in place, he would have lots of resources.</p><p></p><p>But, okay, so it's not. Maybe---Echo---maybe this is the journey he HAD to take. Maybe that other journey that you put in place---you put it in place, he didn't---was not his path. </p><p></p><p>Maybe he will get it all in place himself this time---again---or maybe a combination of this---or maybe some other combination. I used to think I had it figured out exactly what somebody should do first, second and third to get from here to there.</p><p></p><p>It had to be the way I thought because, hey, it was the shortest, clearest, more common sense pathway. So....get it done. Pronto.</p><p></p><p>Only as time has gone on, and I have been FORCED to sit back and watch other people solve their problems in their own way without my awesome help and assistance, I have been humbled. I have seen that there are many ways to get from here to there, and people have their own ways, own timetable and own mistakes to learn. </p><p></p><p>It's not about me. Now, I know that he is entitled to all of these services, and yes, they would sure fill in the gaps and help him and support him, but again, maybe, just maybe, Echo, you're going to look back on this and say: Oh, I get it now. THAT's why that had to happen, so THIS could happen.</p><p></p><p>(It's still hard and still infuriating). </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is good. Trust that feeling and lean into it. We lean into the hard stuff. We also need to lean in to the good stuff. </p><p></p><p>Let it unfold, Echo. Just try to hang back a bit, and watch and wait and accept this new day. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, exactly like my difficult child. Last night we had thunderstorms here, and lots of rain---much needed. I briefly thought---wonder where difficult child is here, tonight, with all of the rain. And then I let go of it. He is not calling me, whining to me, complaining to me, right now. That is good. He is doing whatever he is doing. Maybe it is something good for himself. I can only pray that is the case. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He can find such great friends in AA. I just hope and pray he keeps on going. Going and going. I am praying for that. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs Echo. You are living the true warrior life right now. Be kind to you. YOU deserve kindness. </p><p></p><p>P.S. Can SO be the go-to guy for difficult child on getting services in place, if there should need to be a go-to guy, instead of you?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630444, member: 17542"] It's okay, Echo. You are doing what you decided to do, right now. You are the only one who knows the whole story. I find myself fantasizing about what I could do for difficult child's birthday coming up July 27, buy him a month at a halfway house, get him a bike, a Kroger gift card...we all want to do for our kids, especially those who struggle and have our heart and then even more especially, when they start taking steps in the right direction. Good. This is exactly where you need to be, right where you are, right this minute. You are human, and you are going to vascillate. This is a highly transitional and emotional time, so give yourself a lot of breaks. I agree. It has to start somewhere. And it likely will not be smooth and all-forward and pretty all the time. So get ready for that, Echo. It's going to be bumpy. You bumpy. Him bumpy. How are you going to handle it as the bumps begin? Think about that, and start making a plan about that for YOU. That is good work and good time well spent. This is the I'm-so-freakin-tired-of-the-same-old-thing-over-and-over-again hamster wheel we were on for so long. You got it all in place and what did he do? Smashed it to smithereens. Of course you are totally and completely enraged about this. Because if this was still in place, he would have lots of resources. But, okay, so it's not. Maybe---Echo---maybe this is the journey he HAD to take. Maybe that other journey that you put in place---you put it in place, he didn't---was not his path. Maybe he will get it all in place himself this time---again---or maybe a combination of this---or maybe some other combination. I used to think I had it figured out exactly what somebody should do first, second and third to get from here to there. It had to be the way I thought because, hey, it was the shortest, clearest, more common sense pathway. So....get it done. Pronto. Only as time has gone on, and I have been FORCED to sit back and watch other people solve their problems in their own way without my awesome help and assistance, I have been humbled. I have seen that there are many ways to get from here to there, and people have their own ways, own timetable and own mistakes to learn. It's not about me. Now, I know that he is entitled to all of these services, and yes, they would sure fill in the gaps and help him and support him, but again, maybe, just maybe, Echo, you're going to look back on this and say: Oh, I get it now. THAT's why that had to happen, so THIS could happen. (It's still hard and still infuriating). That is good. Trust that feeling and lean into it. We lean into the hard stuff. We also need to lean in to the good stuff. Let it unfold, Echo. Just try to hang back a bit, and watch and wait and accept this new day. Yes, exactly like my difficult child. Last night we had thunderstorms here, and lots of rain---much needed. I briefly thought---wonder where difficult child is here, tonight, with all of the rain. And then I let go of it. He is not calling me, whining to me, complaining to me, right now. That is good. He is doing whatever he is doing. Maybe it is something good for himself. I can only pray that is the case. He can find such great friends in AA. I just hope and pray he keeps on going. Going and going. I am praying for that. Warm hugs Echo. You are living the true warrior life right now. Be kind to you. YOU deserve kindness. P.S. Can SO be the go-to guy for difficult child on getting services in place, if there should need to be a go-to guy, instead of you? [/QUOTE]
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