difficult child's school really wants him to stay

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jun 10, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I met privately with-the principal and resource dir this a.m.
    We had a group mtng Wed. and I had asked for this in addition.

    I was prepared to tell them they don't know what they're doing with-Aspies, but b4 I could say anything, the principal said that they have several Aspies and their behavior is not as social as difficult child's, so he has that going for him. She thinks difficult child has serious issues with-anger and anxiety and it's easier for him to let others fail him for not even trying than to risk something and fail. She said the anxiety seems to be too much for him.

    But they said they really think he can make it, and that we should stick with-the contract, and just keep on him.

    I said I was thinking about sending difficult child to public school with-an IEP and the resource dir pulled out the testing we'd already had done, and said he would need a huge battery of tests to qualify for it, and if they wouldn't or couldn't do the testing, they would fall back on the paperwork she had, which just had basic interventions, and he might not even qualify for any interventions.
    I said, "That's scary," and she agreed.
    I also said I did not like the idea of throwing difficult child into the public school system because I like the structure, routine, and size of this school and they agreed.

    So they basically reassured me that difficult child is going to be okay there.

    I was pretty surprised. They reassured me that it was more than academics--it was behavior and attitude and the whole person, and he would do fine.

    husband will be very happy.

    Lots more but I can't think striaght right now.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    What do you think? Do you think the school is meeting difficult child's needs? Do you think he can be successful there? From your posts, I didn't get the sense that he had had the best year . . .
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I agree. Their reassurance that difficult child is going to be fine there is in my opinion absurd, since no one can gaurantee that for any child, anywhere, much less a difficult child whose been struggling big time.

    As an outsider I'd suggest looking from all angles (ie what's in it for them, as in tuition). You know the school so this may be off base, but I wanted to throw it out there.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I was suspicious of the same motivation - at least around here, many private schools are hurting pretty bad to keep student enrollment up lately.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, they really seemed concerned and caring, which was refreshing after he had so many problems with-the one teacher, "Mrs. Frowny Face," I was surprised. One teacher absolutely loved him and he got one A and one C from her.

    The principal said, "Look at it this way. If he was late 27 times, missed a week of school, flunked 3 tests, and only did 60% of his homework, imagine what he could do if he tried. I think he's got it in him. I think he was upset and scared about the transition at the beginning of the year and once he adjusted his grades improved."

    Not totally. They went up and down in math like a rollercoaster. But I can see her point.

    I'm going out with-husband right now to talk to him, but I know he definitely wants difficult child to stay.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Exactly what are they going to do about the things that were problems this year? Will he have the same teachers? How will these teachers change things to help him? What else will they put into place to help him?

    What does your gut say? Right now I think that your instincts are very insightful and will lead you in the right direction.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree with Susie, listen to your gut. Regardless of their motivation, if they are willing to work with you to meet his needs and follow through with their promises, that's not all bad. There are plusses and minuses about the public schools as well. What does difficult child want to do?
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Terry.

    Hey, go with your gut. Of course they're going to sweet talk you (My kids spent three years in a Catholic school). They want your money.

    My Aspie is going great in his public school, but, although he didn't get into trouble, didn't learn much either in the Catholic School and they picked on silly things like difficult child didn't say "hi" to a nun before the nun said hi to him. Duh. He has ASPERGERS and is extremely shy and usually says hi second to ANYONE. But they claimed disrespect.

    It is your decision, but please go with your extremely fine-tuned Mommy Gut ;) You're smart and a good parent and you know! Either way, good luck!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child definitely wants to stay at the Catholic school.
    He has finally made friends, he's used to the routine, and hates change.

    Yes, they could be sweet talking me, but the principal has no vested interest in keeping him there; she is being transferred to TN. The diocese transfers the principals every yr. husband and I think it's because they don't want the nuns getting too much of a power base and backtalking the diocese. ;) Hey, having grown up in the feminist '70s, and during the Vietnam war when all the nuns wore armbands, and all but one of my elementary school teachers/nuns left the convent, power is a real thing.

    Anyway, difficult child will have all new teachers next yr. It's kind of a cr*p shoot. At least the bldg will be the same, the routine will be similar, and his friends will be there. The one big change is changing classrooms for every class. They do that in public school, too.

    I'm having him do workbook pps every a.m., and sending him to a math tutor this summer, so he won't fall behind. That is a non-negotiable point, no matter where he goes.