I sense I have missed posts based on reading Fran's last post.
And from recollection of older posts...this would NOT surprise me.
"Hope for the best..." this is what I mean by thinking that all will be "okay."
Sure, their life ain't easy. Our life ain't particularly pleasant at times because of this.
However, I think if we say to ourselves that it will be okay in the end, that provides "energy" to make it come to pass. It is sort of philosophical thing. Ideally, THEY are the ones who should be saying this. THEY need the energy. It's all so sad.
AND ULTIMATELY, NO MATTER WHAT, ALL WILL BE OKAY FOR YOU. WHY? BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE CHOICE TO MAKE IT SO.
Additionally, our kids "okay" and another kids "okay" are two different things.
The important thing, is to DETACH.
It is the only way to survive. No need to die 1000 deaths, while we are hoping for the best...thinking postiive, etc.
I agree with Fran, if she is determined to go into self destruct mode, no need to you to have front row center.
DETACH.
I think Fran said your daughter isn't an addict. Neither is our daughter. We go to FA meetings. Those parents are dealing with- kids who are addicts. Ya know what...the behavior is the same. It is freaky. The impulsivity. The lack of accountability. The immaturity. The faulty thinking. The tendency toward entitlement. Never learning from mistakes....it goes on and on. You can hope for the best...that's all. They teach in these AA mtgs. to give it to a Higher Power...it is beyond our understanding.
Don't feed her energy.
Don't throw your energy away.
She has made her choices. YOu can provide her with therapy, should she chose to accept. Period.
Your choice, should YOU chose to accept it, is to move forward with your life Nancy.
You have already said "I am determined to start living my life."
All that goes with that is a hard pill to swallow....but one we have to take it and move forward.
Your daughter doesn't want to swallow her pills. That life is hard sometimes. That she is accountable for her actions. That she needs to be appreciative of those who have helped her, etc. The buck stops here.
This is a new beginning.
You already stated what must be done. Those were wise words.
p.s.
Star...your mom sounds cool.
I might pm you about her sometime.