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General Parenting
difficult child's smoking...any advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 111254" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I think that the breaking point between my parents and me as a teen was that I smoked. Of course it only made me more determined to continue knowing that they hated it. My parents and I never got beyond that to this day. I have to admit, from as long as I can remember I <em>loved</em> the smell of cigarettes. The last time I spoke with my father he brought it up as proof that I deserved to be called a vile name, and not only had I been a non-smoker for 7 years at that point, but I was 38 years old!</p><p></p><p>I tried to quit a number of times before I was finally successful. What helped was getting a blood clot on my lung and nearly dying. The blood clot was a genetic matter rather than a smoking matter, but it made it impossible to inhale hard enough to smoke. And I won't say that smoking isn't bad for you. I started in earnest when I was 12, and I haven't smoked in years and I still worry about what it did to me, and on some days I still want a smoke.</p><p></p><p>In hindsight, I have to wonder what would have happened if my parents hadn't slapped me around and called me a name. What if instead they had said "It's a bad habit and we don't agree. Go ahead, but not in the house and figure out a way to pay for it yourself." I never got an allowance in my life, so they couldn't cut me off financially. But as I got older and was totally addicted to smoking, it was a great motivator to get a job. When I didn't work, I had to roll my own (yuck!) or smoke yucky cheap cigarettes.</p><p></p><p>I guess my point is, your difficult child is probably already addicted, and has drawn the line in the sand saying he's not going to quit. He won't quit if you don't want to. Are you ready to have that be the issue that is the deal breaker?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 111254, member: 99"] I think that the breaking point between my parents and me as a teen was that I smoked. Of course it only made me more determined to continue knowing that they hated it. My parents and I never got beyond that to this day. I have to admit, from as long as I can remember I [i]loved[/i] the smell of cigarettes. The last time I spoke with my father he brought it up as proof that I deserved to be called a vile name, and not only had I been a non-smoker for 7 years at that point, but I was 38 years old! I tried to quit a number of times before I was finally successful. What helped was getting a blood clot on my lung and nearly dying. The blood clot was a genetic matter rather than a smoking matter, but it made it impossible to inhale hard enough to smoke. And I won't say that smoking isn't bad for you. I started in earnest when I was 12, and I haven't smoked in years and I still worry about what it did to me, and on some days I still want a smoke. In hindsight, I have to wonder what would have happened if my parents hadn't slapped me around and called me a name. What if instead they had said "It's a bad habit and we don't agree. Go ahead, but not in the house and figure out a way to pay for it yourself." I never got an allowance in my life, so they couldn't cut me off financially. But as I got older and was totally addicted to smoking, it was a great motivator to get a job. When I didn't work, I had to roll my own (yuck!) or smoke yucky cheap cigarettes. I guess my point is, your difficult child is probably already addicted, and has drawn the line in the sand saying he's not going to quit. He won't quit if you don't want to. Are you ready to have that be the issue that is the deal breaker? [/QUOTE]
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