difficult child's teacher may be calling CPS on me

[Californiablonde]

Due to a nasty bite mark and bruise easy child gave her on Friday. The school psychiatric at my work pulled me into his office today because difficult child's teacher at her school saw the nasty bruise on her arm today. easy child broke the skin and it looks nasty. It's so bad that we had to apply Neosporine in case it becomes infected. difficult child's teacher was mortifed when she saw the bruise, so she called the psychologist to ask for advice on what to do.

Last Friday is when the big fight occured. I was at work. easy child was home sick, and difficult child was getting ready for school. I had gone to the grocery store and bought easy child some pizza rolls and chips for lunch that day. Normally both my kids get lunch in the cafeteria, so I don't have much food in the house for lunches. Anyway, difficult child had already had her breakfast, but claimed she was still hungry after I had left. She told easy child she was going to eat a box of his pizza rolls (I bought him two.)

There was no need for her to eat any of his lunch. She already ate a good size breakfast, and she also has an opportunity to grab breakfast in the cafeteria when she is dropped off at school. She was minutes away from getting on the bus. easy child of course refused to let her eat it. They began arguing and started throwing stuff at each other. difficult child grabbed the box of pizza rolls and easy child tried to take it out of her hands.

When she wouldn't let go, he bit her on her arm. She scratched up his face. difficult child won. She got her pizza rolls. I didn't find out about the fight till I got home later. At the time, difficult child's arm didn't look that bad. She had gone to school that day and nobody noticed. Now that it's a few days later, her arm looks bad. I explained to the psychologist what happened, and he assured me he will call the teacher back and advise her to leave social services out of it. That's not to say she still won't call, or anybody else at the school for that matter. I was involved with social services five years ago and it was a night mare. Please send good thoughts my way.

 

[Californiablonde]

I just talked to my mom. The teacher called HER too. She told my mom thinks difficult child is in an unsafe environment. She kept questioning my mom about my household. She wanted to know the size of my apartment, how many bedrooms we have, and gave my mom the third degree because difficult child is always losing stuff, like books, pencils, etc. The teacher says there's no possible way anybody could lose anything in a small one bedroom apartment. That's just BS. Both my kids and me are all ADD. We put things down and forget where we put them. Stuff getting lost is a regular occurence in my house. I am beyond upset. The teacher has no right to call my mom and ask her a bunch of personal stuff about MY life. Now I'm sitting at work having horrendous panic attacks. I know she is calling CPS on me. I have no idea what to do.

 

[BusynMember]

CPS isn't looking for one bite mark. They are looking for a history of fractures, cigarette burns, etc. When I worked at head Start, somebody from CPS talked to us about how hard it is to get a judge to find a parent abusive. Losing things is not something that anyone will care about. The big issue is a battered body and more than once.

I don't know what happened last time, but if you're just honest with the CPS worker, I can't imagine it going any further. When the CPS worker I heard was done talking, I felt kind of hopeless that even the worst parent can be found guilty of abuse because, really, it's all about proof and extreme physical marks or evidence (physical) of sexual abuse. THAT will get their attention.

 

[Californiablonde]

Last time I was involved with social services it really was my fault. I had a kidney infection that turned into sepsis. I was very sick. I should have been in the hospital but refused since I had nobody who was willing to take care of my kids. One day, when I was still sick and in a horrendous amount of pain, I was driving my then young kids to the grocery store. They got in a fight in the back seat, and were hitting each other, scratching each other, pulling hair, etc.

Instead of stopping the car, like I should have, I reached into the back seat. difficult child had scratched my son rather hard. I scratched her back to show her what it felt like. My mom used to tell me how she would bite my brother when he was a kid to show him what it felt like when he bit someone else. That's all I could think of to do at the time. Mind you I was incredibly ill. I had a 104 fever, terrible sweats and shaking chills. I wasn't thinking straight.

difficult child's teacher saw the scratch mark I made on her leg the next day. My kids were taken out of my home for eighteen months. I was only allowed to visit with them several hours a week, supervised the whole time by strangers. I fought like hell to get them back. Now that I have a history of it, I am worried. I am already in the system. The teacher told the school psyh she is going to leave it alone, but who's to say someone else won't see the bruise and call? I am incredibly worried.

 

[helpangel]

I understand what a PITA cps can be just to be safe clean the kitchen sink, stovetop & make sure there are no science experiments in the fridge. Sibling on sibling complaints they usually don't investigate and you haven't done anything wrong so nothing to fear unless you get scared and act guilty in their eyes. The fight was over food so they might look to see if you have some. Fingers crossed this blows over.

Nancy

 

[recoveringenabler]

Sending good thoughts CB, let us know how it goes................hugs............

 

[Malika]

I understand your worry and panic, CB. If you tell the truth, sense must prevail. This level of official involvement seems to me crazy and unwarranted... meantime the real abuse goes largely ignored, we suppose...

Fingers very much crossed.

 

[Californiablonde]

She didn't call CPS on me, thank goodness. Now I'm at work and have another fight on my hands. difficult child has a headache and has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts wanting to stay home. The principal found out and is on her way to pick her up. Meanwhile difficult child is texting me and threatening me. She wants me to call the principal and talk her out of coming to pick her up, which I won't do. This is incredibly stressful. Why can't she just do what she's supposed to do? easy child is still sick but he's at school taking finals right now.

 

[1905]

First of all, why is the teacher investigating anything? Who does that? Ignore difficult child today, let all that stress and drama roll off your back. When you engage her, she hooks you in. Good, let the principal come every day. Here is what my uncle did when my cousin refused school... he dragged her into the car in her pajamas, the principal met him at the car where they made her get dressed and dragged her into the building. She never got her way, don't ever give her way because then she sees there is a way around going to school and the behaviors esculate until you give in. The behaviors will get worse, you see this, they're bad now. Never, ever let her stay home! The principal is dedicated and cares about difficult child. Kids fight, cps will understand the thing if it came to that.
If she doesn't get on the bus, it SHOULD become ugly very quickly for her. Then, and only then, will she have a motivation to make sure she doesn't miss it. You make it easy for her to get her way, don't let her get to you. Kudos to the principal.

 

[1905]

My cousin is now a teacher, by the way.

 

[helpangel]

I would inform her if I have to escort her into the school I'm wearing curlers in my hair & my bunny slippers; also announce to everyone I pass who's mom I am!

This was rarely an issue here as my kids happily go to school to get away from me (evil laugh)

Nancy