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difficult child's therapist - frustrated
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 287954" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I'm not sure what a PCA is, but if it's like a therapist, I can see a little about why it isn't helping if this is the typical approach. I don't remember how it came up, but several of us in therapy before were discussing this with a therapist and some things were mentioned that always stuck with me. (Actually, I think they came up as we were discussing effective communication and 'fair fighting'.)</p><p></p><p>Pointless things to say to someone that will make matters worse:</p><p></p><p>1) <em>You</em> are AAA, BBB, CCCC (insert anything negative here)</p><p>2) You <em>shouldn't think</em> XXX or <em>shouldn't feel</em> YYY</p><p>3) You need to stop doing SSS - (for the 100th time)</p><p></p><p>I'm as guilty as the next person for not always following this- especially after being worn to a frazzle after a few days of difficult child'ness. And we all vent on here and need to be able to get our rants out. But any therapist should be doing better and advising better, in my humble opinion. Statements like that aren't constructive crticism. The same points can be made in ways that suggests what (and how) exactly a person could be doing differently that would be better. (Except #2 because disregarding someone's feelings or thoughts is never going to get a better relationship.)</p><p></p><p>I just think it is going to take telling her to "say this instead of this next time" or "do X instead of A" or "try ZZZ" and a lot of positive reinforcement/feedback when she does make any effort and she needs reminders that if she keeps portraying the same, she'll keep getting the same results including feeling miserable. If she is reefusing to try anything differently, any therapy is useless. All you can do is make sure she gets uncomfortable results from negative behavior. All JMHO, of course!</p><p></p><p>As far as therapist, some are pretty particular about discussing the difficult child with the parent due to the difficult child having confidentiality rights and due to the therapist needing to keep the trust of the difficult child. At some age- 14 yo here I think- the therapist requires the kid to sign a release form before the therapist will discuss anything with a parent. I can see both sides of this- I would never want to feel that anyone went to my therapist and said "I want you to change this about her (me)" and the therapist actually start trying to do it. However, I also see the side that as a parent, we need to be able to discuss problems and strategies with our kids' tdocs. And it's a big thorn in my side that any dr will discuss difficult child with me but a therapist might not- but a therapist has to discuss things with people in the legal system about difficult child since difficult child is ordered mental health treatment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 287954, member: 3699"] I'm not sure what a PCA is, but if it's like a therapist, I can see a little about why it isn't helping if this is the typical approach. I don't remember how it came up, but several of us in therapy before were discussing this with a therapist and some things were mentioned that always stuck with me. (Actually, I think they came up as we were discussing effective communication and 'fair fighting'.) Pointless things to say to someone that will make matters worse: 1) [I]You[/I] are AAA, BBB, CCCC (insert anything negative here) 2) You [I]shouldn't think[/I] XXX or [I]shouldn't feel[/I] YYY 3) You need to stop doing SSS - (for the 100th time) I'm as guilty as the next person for not always following this- especially after being worn to a frazzle after a few days of difficult child'ness. And we all vent on here and need to be able to get our rants out. But any therapist should be doing better and advising better, in my humble opinion. Statements like that aren't constructive crticism. The same points can be made in ways that suggests what (and how) exactly a person could be doing differently that would be better. (Except #2 because disregarding someone's feelings or thoughts is never going to get a better relationship.) I just think it is going to take telling her to "say this instead of this next time" or "do X instead of A" or "try ZZZ" and a lot of positive reinforcement/feedback when she does make any effort and she needs reminders that if she keeps portraying the same, she'll keep getting the same results including feeling miserable. If she is reefusing to try anything differently, any therapy is useless. All you can do is make sure she gets uncomfortable results from negative behavior. All JMHO, of course! As far as therapist, some are pretty particular about discussing the difficult child with the parent due to the difficult child having confidentiality rights and due to the therapist needing to keep the trust of the difficult child. At some age- 14 yo here I think- the therapist requires the kid to sign a release form before the therapist will discuss anything with a parent. I can see both sides of this- I would never want to feel that anyone went to my therapist and said "I want you to change this about her (me)" and the therapist actually start trying to do it. However, I also see the side that as a parent, we need to be able to discuss problems and strategies with our kids' tdocs. And it's a big thorn in my side that any dr will discuss difficult child with me but a therapist might not- but a therapist has to discuss things with people in the legal system about difficult child since difficult child is ordered mental health treatment. [/QUOTE]
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