difficult teenage Daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Maria124, Jul 18, 2016.

  1. Maria124

    Maria124 New Member

    Hi There, I am new on here. I have been having major behaviour issues with my teenage Daughter. To the point I feel like I really don't like her at times. She is 15 yrs old. It has been a hard time this year so far. I broke up with a Man I dated for 7yrs and they were close. We moved out in February. She was very very sad-depressed. I hurt for her. Before the break up and what lead to it was that I started drinking-I am an alcoholic and had not drank in a long time. I also have bipolar so I know it is not a good combo. But I did it and have hurt many people especially her. I have told her I would not drink again and then have. So she does not have much trust in me I know. I also got a DWI in May. So I have screwed up. But I do not drink around her. Right now I limit my drinking to one day a week when she is at her Dad's. I have had lots of issues with my Ex and His Wife, they have always been nasty to me and now since my DWI and finding out about my relapse they are even worse. I understand their concern, That is why I have kept them inform about everything but I feel like they do not care about my getting better and being a good Mom which i feel I have up until this past year. It is all about control to them. So with that added. Things are very difficult for me. I know I screwed up but I feel i am paying for it all the time even with my improvement. She goes to their house and comes home in a bad mood and just ignores me for a day-sometimes she'll be very disrespectful and we get into arguements. I feel like when I have mentioned anything about her moods to her Dad they just blame me and I know it is not just me because she has told me for a long time they put a lot of pressure to do everything perfect. There are also problem with friends. So she still talks to me about everything when she is in a better mood. But anyways if anyone has any feedback I'd appreciate it. Plz be honest I can take it.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I say this gently. And wuickly as I have five minutes to work.

    Hon, you cant take care of anyone until you take care of yourself.

    Your daughter is angry now. They don't get our being human. Be a rock star. get help to stop drinking, and she will admire your strength. Things should get so much better after that. You matter. None of us are perfect parents.

    Try not yo talk to ex and new wife. Just get better. Its time to focus on yourself, the same as if you had pneumonia or any illness. You are a good person with a bad disease. You licked it before. You know how to do it.

    Hugs....and cheerleading jumps and warm vibes.
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  3. Maria124

    Maria124 New Member

    Thank you so much!!!i needed to hear that!
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  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    You can do it..one day at time. She will notice.

    Positive vibes....hugs
  5. Praecepta

    Praecepta Member

    Good for you for trying to do the best thing for your daughter - not drinking. And better yet good for you for talking about this with your daughter and your ex!

    But to top that off, you are opening yourself up on this forum for suggestions and advice - Good Girl! What you have done and are doing is the HARDEST PART!

    I'll tell you my mom was an alcoholic and never admitted her problem and certainly never discussed it with me. I would have given ANYTHING to have a mom like you - a person who is willing to discuss it and work on it.

    Anyway you are doing the right things. And just by doing those things, you will be guided in the right direction by others. Good Work!
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  6. Theresa254

    Theresa254 New Member

    You can do it!
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, Maria!

    We can't change the past, and we can't change how others feel about it. We can only move forward, in the best way we know how.

    You know the old adage--once bitten, twice shy? It takes a while to get that trust back, and you can't rush the process. You have no choice but to let everyone process this on their own timetable.

    It would go a long way toward the process of healing if you would commit to total sobriety and stop drinking completely. Your daughter (and others) may not be able to get over this if you are still drinking, even if it is out of her presence. Don't fool yourself into thinking that she doesn't know, or won't find out. She has reason to think that, if you drink occasionally, it could ramp up and spiral out of control. She probably fears that, which fuels her anger and distrust.

    Please don't take this as an indictment: we are here for you, and want you to succeed. Please stay with us. It took a lot of courage to put yourself out there for the world to see. That makes me think that you are ready for that next step. Go to AA. Get a sponsor. Work the program. Go to rehab if needed. See your doctor and ask for help, as going cold turkey off of alcohol could be dangerous.

    I, too, have a daughter (11 years old) who has a step-father. They are extremely close, and I can't even imagine how she would feel/react if she were no longer in his life. Does your daughter still see her step-father? If not, can they continue their relationship, even though you won't be included? This might help your daughter to cope with her loss.

    You need to get better, both for your sake, and your daughter's. Maybe this is the time for a decision?

    Either way, stick with us.

    On the days your daughter is away at her dad's house, stick closer.

    We believe in you.