dirty drug test

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    well i am starting a new post. i finally learned how to do it. My difficult child had a dirty drug test today with his probation officer. they didnt do anything about it i dont think. the people that i think stole my pcs systems came by today - i am livid. thanks
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought that your difficult child was not living at home since the robbery. Why did those people come to your house?

  3. Sondar

    Sondar New Member

    Friendly suggestion ... If these guys are connected to your older son then you don't need their license plate #s. Just call the officer who took your report and request that he question your difficult child. Whatever he told you about stealing the game system he is involved. Let the police handle it.

    Can't imagine why you don't get the locks changed though, it's not hard to do and you could at least leave your house in peace. Take care.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Yeah, I'm thinking so too.

    I've wondered that a few times over the weeks. It ALMOST seems like you leave the door open JUST a bit for some chaos.

    Problem: Son & thieving friends continue to come to house and enter without permission.

    What you are doing: Nothing. And then complaining about it.

    Easy solution: Change the locks on the house. Get window locks. DO NOT allow him access to the house. You have EVERY right to do that, YOUR HOME was violated, your SON was violated, and even though it was at the hands of your difficult child, it was him while IN HIS ADDICTION.

    Now here is where you get hung up. You start to feel bad for him. You need to STOP. Because in the past several weeks, has he improved while living under your roof and controlling the house? No. You have GOT to let him fail before he will get help. I don't know how else to explain it.

    You are going to want to do this soon. Get it out in the open, house newly secured, and have him understand he is not allowed there BEFORE the wedding. Otherwise you will not enjoy the wedding.

    And, my dear, you deserve to enjoy this wedding! It is your only daughter.
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    the probation dept should violate him. sometimes it takes them a while. I know ant was tested while on probation in Warren county and he failed but they waited til the third time before pulling him back in jail.

    hon, you have to change the locks. period. I did that at least three times since ant was 18, partly because of him and partly because of his dad.

    if you suspect someone, confront them. face to face and tell him to stay out of your home. tell them also you are letting the cops know you think it is them.
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    oh I saw that your son climbed in his window. that needs to be addressed as well. but a block of wood in the window so he cannot open in. remember that your son knows the family will all be gone to the wedding and your house empty. be sure to reinforce it and tell the cops to keep an extra watch on the house thru that time.

    ant led dangerous people to my home too. I had to lock him out and bar the windows at one point.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dropping dirty will eventually catch up to him.

    God...isnt it pathetic that we parents even know this lingo?

    If you truly want him to stay out of your home there are ways to do it, if you arent ready for that move then its up to you and your husband to work out between you.

    Thankfully Cory has never brought anyone into my home that would dare to steal anything from us...well probably they are more scared of the rest of us. They all think I am crazy, husband is a rather large man who owns guns and Jamie is a cop! It probably enhanced my reputation with the local thugs when I had my own son arrested...lmao. If I would do that I wouldnt hesitate to put them ten feet under.
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    J always had a dirty test, the the probation department did nothing about them, just make a note. We finally found out through OUR attorney that you have the right to violate them. It was a simple piece of paperwork that forced them to deal with the violations.

    I did get odd looks from the juvenile department when I pressed them to violate him. :wink:

  9. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I have had my son violated before. Twice I had him violated when he was on probation before. It is horrible but my sanity was at stake. Now he is wanting to go to the emergency room to get pain pills. He has a wisdom tooth that should have laready come out - he has been prescribed antibiotics two or three times - right now I cannot afford oral surgery with the wedding in three days - he wants me to take him to the emergency room when he gets off work at 11 or 12! I have a teaching job - I have to be at work at 6:45! I am not taking him to the emergency room and sitting. I have done it many times. How do you know if they really need it or not? I told him why didnt he do something about it today when he was doing nothing. Right now he is at work.How am I supposed to handle this? I just wind up getting angry. More angry!
  10. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    In reply to Kathy - I dont know why they came to my house. I sent them away - now I dont know if they will come back. My difficult child is at work. He called asking me to take him tot he emergency room his tooth hurts. He has a wisdom tooth that needs to come out. I have been around this block before. I dont want to take him to the emergency room at 11 or 12. I have a job. what in the world?
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Do you really think my difficult child is involved? I kinda do too however I dont really think he would do anything to hurt my easy child. How do we draw the line here?
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Think it through. You are denying the problem.

    He wants to get pain pills. Strike one, they are an addictive drug.

    He is asking you to take him to the ER. Strike 2 and 3. Strike 2 is, he has some nerve after breaking into your house. Strike 3, how dare he ask at such an ungodly hour when he knows you have to work.

    There are 3 strikes and I have not even broken a sweat. He does not need these pills, they are something for him to get high from.

    Only because you asked "How am I supposed to handle this?" will I tell you what I would do in your shoes. DON'T take him.

    If you took him (think this through now), and he got his hands on the pills, and he took a bunch, and somehow he ended up having to drop again, guess what? He drops dirty. AND, as an extra bonus, he gets to try and make you feel guilty for it!

    Instead, let him make you feel guilty for NOT getting him the pills. You and I BOTH know that is the right thing to do. If he continues to call back, stop answering the phone. Or call the police and have him arrested for harassment.

    Work through it!
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    OK and I am thinking he has a dentist appointment. tomorrow at 4:30. However I cannot pay for it - maybe he can work out a payment plan. The wedding has depleted me - my husband is having a fit. I dont need this craziness. I havent heard a thing about his tooth in a week or more - because he hasnt been here - he has probably been taking them off the street - I hope I am right for not taking him - i cannot do this and teach too - it is my turn to live!
  14. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I dont really think he would do anything to hurt my easy child. How do we draw the line here?</div></div>

    When they are addicted to drugs. They will take anything from anybody,even their brothers,sisters, and parents.They may not want to do this, they may even feel some guilt,but it is not them it is the drugs that are making them steal. Even my easy child told me that. Shortly after Alex's funeral, easy child wanted to play his X-box with some kids that were over, guess what, it was nowhere to be found. I just looked at easy child and said, "I am so sorry", he looked at me and said,"Mom, it was the drugs, not Alex" he was right. Just last week I noticed that my printer,copier,scanner was missing. I had it in a spare room, I didn't use it much. For months after Alex died, we were discovering other things missing.

    Think about it, why would a bunch of 20 somethings want to steal a x-box (or whatever system it was)? Surely, it isn't to sit around and play games, they probably pawned it for 50 bucks.
  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You DO NOT have to pay the dentist. You DO NOT have to TAKE HIM to the dentist either.

    To answer the question about drawing the line, whether difficult child was involved or not is a moot point. If he is dishonest enough to break into your house through the window, who is to say he would not take an expensive item? I feel as though you are very much in denial. Addicts do things for drugs and do not care who they hurt in the process.

    Change the locks, and do not allow him over anymore. If it was not him that did it, no harm no foul. But I'm pretty sure it was. He was at least in on it. How would his friends know that there was a game system there in the first place?
  16. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    They knew there was a game system there because they came over when everyone was gone. If my difficult child was p laying his brothers system then his "friends" if they came over played it to. I hate that. I dont think I am in denial. I just try to believe that sometimes I may be thinking he did stuff but actually didnt - but it hasnt been long enought to trust him. I cant trust hiim. It is so sad. Especially to look at pictures when we were a "normal" family. I miss that. Alex's mom - can you tell me what happened to him?
  17. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Stands---I pm'd you a list of referrals for when you are ready. I hope for your family's sake it is soon. If not, you will allow this 24 year old to completely destroy your family. He doesn't care about anything but the drug. That's the nature of addiction---he will steal from his brother, he will steal from you---he will eventually steal from anyone if he needs to get what he wants. Try to get through Saturday. Try to enjoy your daughter's wedding. Get difficult child mad enough to take off and leave for the weekend. If they are not in sight, it makes it easier to detach. Then, after the wedding switch into warrior mom mode. Give him the list. Give him the choice---seek help or never come home again.
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Do you really think my difficult child is involved? </div></div>

    Yes. They're his friends. He let them in and showed them what your family had that was worth stealing. He let them do it and didn't make them give it back. He's involved.

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I kinda do too however I dont really think he would do anything to hurt my easy child. </div></div>

    I can't imagine why you think this. It's already done. He's been hurting your easy child for years with his B.S.

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">How do we draw the line here? </div></div>

    1) Change the locks. It's easy to do yourself. Buy some locks at Home Depot, have them re-key them all to match. It costs about $7 a door, and about 15 minutes each.

    2) Block the windows.

    3) File a police report then send a copy to his PO.

    4) Have a neighbor house-sit when you are at the wedding and tell them to call the police if difficult child or his nasty friends show up.

    Honestly, the question now is not "how do we draw the line", it's "do you draw the line?"
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    My son is 21 and has had kidney stones and 4 boils and a spider bite on him in the last few months. Not once did I go with him to the hospital. He also stuck a knife clear through his hand, had food poisoning while working out of town and other assorted things. I didnt go with him. He was even younger then.

    I did answer the phone when he called to answer such questions such as when last tetanus shots were.

    I do think we dropped him off at the ER for one of the boils.

    He can handle these things on his own. Its called being an adult. If he is truly needing his tooth tended to, there are sliding scale dental clinics someplace he can call to get seen. He just needs to find them. He can call the ER and they will have the list. Or call the health department. That is what I would tell him to do. He needs to learn how to take care of his own medical care without momma to do it for him. That is what adults do. Do you think my son in Difficult Child calls me to help him make doctor appts for him? LOL.
  20. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Susan, your son is 24. It's okay to just draw the line anywhere. I agree with the others that he doesn't need the pain pills, I had a similar situation with my difficult child after a car accident. (He was drunk, broke some ribs, etc.)

    In the words of a former First Lady, "Just say No"