dirty drug test

[susiestar]

STands, I have a couple of questions for you.

What were you doing when you were 24? I was the mother of a child, wife of a man, paying my own bills and buying my own groceries. I was on a super-tight budget to pay for hte kind of care my son needed.

I was not running out to get my mommy to take me to the ER for pills for my addiction!!

Were YOU??

Are you being a responsible parent if you let your son use you as a drug source? If you pay his dentist and ER bills, drive him to the ER, etc... YOU ARE NOT!

Get a security system, or put blocks of wook in each window so he can't open them.

Change the dang locks.

HE WILL STEAL FROM ANYONE. He does not respect you, your husband, or your easy child. What are you teaching him?

IF a student's parents came to you, with the stories you are creating in your own life, what would you say?

His mommy loves him so much she is letting him have drugs so he doesn't get street drugs and OD?

If you had a school age child and knew one of his/her teachers was knowingly supporting their child's drug habits, would you want them teaching your child?

Is this what your students' parents are going to say about you?

It is time to put some armor on, care for hte children who deserve it, and be a responsible parent and teacher.

I do have to say that teachers in our town who have drug addicted children at home are strongly encouraged to get treatment, get the child out of the home, or get a new job. But that is just our town.

Susie

 

[Abbey]

Susiestar...you rock. :bravo:

At 24 I had two kids, had already been divorced and remarried, worked two jobs to pay bills and had moved to another state. Hmmm...maybe this is why I'm so screwed up. :surprise:

Seriously, she gave some great advice. Don't enable. When and if you stop, it will most likely get worse before it gets better. Be prepared for the 'I hate you' talk.

Abbey

 

[standswithcourage]

That kinda makes me feel like I am a bad person for putting up with stuff I shouldnt. I know I am not buying him his drugs. He does have a wisdom tooth that the dentist says needs pulling out. I didnt take him to the ER. I didnt buy his pain pills. However I know he wants them. I have a counseling appointment. tomorrow and also Alanon. I know I am waiting for someone else like probation to slap him with something to get his attention. I am still trying to find out what happened to my pcs system. I have an investigator looking into it. My difficult child is supposed to go to drug classes tomorrow. Oh well - he doesnt even know what time to go. I do not want to be supporting his habit at all. If he continues to not go to his drug meetings and not try to do better I know my husband will give him a choice. I will support my husband. He cant take pain pills forever. How is that going to look on his next drug test? His PO said he was not supposed to abuse his narcotics that he is prescribed.

 

[witzend]

I'm really glad that you didn't fall for the "It's after hours take me to the ER so I can get drugs for my tooth" line. Yes, he has a bad tooth. No, he's not doing anything about it.

Go to your therapist, and to Al-Anon. Are you able to share your story with them, or are you just at the listening point? I think that the Al-Anon people will have some ideas for you.

It does seem to me that you or your husband should have given him "a choice" a long time ago. But, maybe your therapist and Al-Anon can help you get over that speed-bump.

 

[ck1]

Stands: No one is saying you are a bad person! You are not, you are definitely trying to be the best mom you can be. People here are trying very hard to show you how your actions could be contributing to your sons behavior. You need to take an active approach (like you've started to by not taking him to the ER) to not enable or baby him. Changing the locks and filing a police report would be a good place to start. Stay strong and courageous!!!

 

[ScentofCedar]

Stands, it helps me to be strong enough to say the cruel words, to refuse the so simple request for money or a ride or warm clothing when I remind myself that these are the actions required of every parent living through the nightmare situation drug addiction creates.

I am not the only one who has had to find the strength to refuse her child.

I am not the only one looking in the mirror and wondering how I will survive it if this time, he dies.

Moms like us have been required to find and display a strength and coldness entirely alien to our personalities, our prior ways of life and belief systems.

But we have to do it, Stands.

The other moms who have posted to you are right.

The alternative is that your son will be using drugs from home and whatever shreds of your former life are still intact will be endangered.

That is why they call it addiction.

If the need is met today, it is stronger tomorrow.

If the need is not met today, it is still stronger tomorrow.

I am so sorry, Stands.

For you, and for me.

I miss my son, today.

Very much.

Barbara

 

[standswithcourage]

Thanks. Barbara - is your son still alive? My therapist told me today that my son was going to die. I will call his probation officer again and tell him what he is doing. I will tell him to lock him up if necessary. Then I will call his doctor that is prescribing him Xanax and tell him what is really going on. If he punches holes in walls because of this I will call the police. I have been there done that before - I hate going there again but I dont want to be standing over my sons casket knowing what I should have done and didnt. Am I over reacting? I dont think so. He told me the other day he took Methadone because his tooth was hurting and he didnt have pain pills - that was the day I didnt take him to the ER. He said he also took Xanax and had Ativan(from somewhere). he said he woke up (not in my house) and felt like he couldnt breath and it scared him. Whatever. That tells me he is doing more than I think. You dont just carry on because of a tooth. I have made him a surgery appointment. for the 29th. That is the only time I will have the money to pay the oral surgeon. We have been to the cheap dentists and they say they cannot pull it out. Since the wedding I have no money! I just want to know - how to deal with all of this without going crazy. The therapist did light a fire under me and made me think I wasnt just being dramatic. Any more advice. I think I maybe onto something!

 

[meowbunny]

I don't have a child with a drug addiction. I do have a child who left home and disappeared for 3 months. I heard from her the first month.

She asked to come home. I said no even though it almost killed me to say it. Why? Because she had done this twice previously. Each time she lived with "friends" who ultimately kicked her out. I let her come home. I paid the debts she had incurred while she was gone. I knew that if I let her come home again when she asked, I would be enabling her and not helping her become the responsible adult she could become.

Her not being home, me not knowing where she was and whether or not she was safe almost killed me. I think I slept about one hour a night for the next two months.

During the two months I did not hear from her, she joined a carnival. She quit the carnival. She became homeless. She ended up in a gang-ridden town, sleeping on the floor of a home where the cockroaches were so brazen they didn't even scurry away when they saw lights.

I did let her come home because I thought she had truly hit bottom. So far as I can tell, I made the right decision. She is trying to find a job. She is helping a little more around the house. She is not half as mouthy as she used to be. She is talking about going to college.

I'm repeating my story to let you know that you may think you'll go crazy, you may think you will die of a broken heart, you think so many, many things but the reality is you will survive. You're a lot stronger than you think you are. Like me, you'll do it because it is the only way you can see to help your child. You've tried everything else. It hasn't worked. So, as much as it hurts, as much as the pain is almost unbearable, you'll do what is necessary to save your son and protect your family.

You may not be at this point 100%, but you're so much closer than you were before. Your baby steps are now strides. The leaps will come.

 

[witzend]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">My therapist told me today that my son was going to die. </div></div> Perhaps you misunderstood. therapist probably meant "...if he doesn't stop he will die." Or be brain damaged. This is accurate.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I have made him a surgery appointment. for the 29th. </div></div>

I know you can't un-ring the bell, but you should not have. It's his tooth. He's 24 years old. Yada yada yada.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">That is the only time I will have the money to pay the oral surgeon. We have been to the cheap dentists and they say they cannot pull it out. </div></div>

Why would you pay the oral surgeon. Again, his tooth, he's 24 years old. Being without insurance and money is his problem. He could stop being a druggie and get his act together enough to take a round of antibiotics but he doesn't. You shouldnt. Then again, he probably won't show up for it anyway.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Any more advice.</div></div>

Change the locks. Stop calling his PO, doctor, therapist, dentist, school, whatever. Put his stuff on the porch and if he doesn't come get it by garbage day toss it.

 

[KFld]

If he continues to use as he has been, it's a real possibility that he could end up killing himself.

Go back and read earlier posts from gottalovem. She did loose her son to drug addiction and it was very painful.

Please don't continue to enable him to use in anyway.

I can tell you this because my son is a recovering heroin addict and I remember the sleepless nights waiting for the phone to ring. I hope I never have to live that again, but I know I will never allow it in my home again, ever!!

 

[Suz]

Susan, I'm going to lock this thread so you can start a new one with a new topic.

Suz