Disaster and miracles

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Dixies_fire, Apr 15, 2014.

  1. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    On February 14th I left
    My husband. Around 4am in the morning.

    He's been unmedicated for about six months and was spiraling, abusing me. Didn't seem how "good" life was, how well we were getting along, it didn't stop him from going off the deep end for little to no reason. He was also drinking again.

    So I left and called my ex husband and he came and got all of us.

    I was here about a month when I went through the hardest thing I have ever faced.

    My boyo broke the permanent babygate the day before by leaning on it. I had just given the boys a bath and had dressed boyo, needed to go to the bathroom put them down in the living room didn't think about the babygate being broken or what was in the kitchen, went to the bathroom.

    Mr Lewis in the minutes I was gone, found a bucket of fluid in the kitchen and drowned.

    Boyo came to me in the bathroom and said "where's mr Lewis?" This was his way of telling me something was wrong he did not say help or he needs help or anything. I left the bathroom I was only in there for a few minutes I guess though my memory is clouded by the event. He was in the bucket, the bucket was not a paint bucket and had 1.5 gallon of fluid, it was flimsy and not something I personally would of thought as a drowning hazard.
    I screamed and attempted CPR but couldn't calm down enough to do it because he was blue and limp and not breathing. His body was cooling.

    My ex woke up
    screamed and started CPR, it felt like hours but me Lewis coughed and began breathing while I was screaming at the 911 operator who was making me repeat the address over and over and over again. Luckily I wasn't the only person who called, neighbors called also. A neighbor came to the door I never met she stood in the parking lot of the apartment and flagged the ambulance down. I haven't seen her again to thank her. Ambulance took him to aurora children's hospital


    He was stable for two days but in a medically induced coma. They were trying to keep him sedated so he didn't pull tubes and iv out he was metabolizing medicine very quickly.

    On the second day he went into cardiac arrest several times. They put him on the ecmo machine for a few days and then started removing him from machines and ventilator. He woke up. Breathed on his own. The pattern of his heart beat was still off so he is now on a cardiac drug and bear blockers, maybe forever. Eventually after 3 or four days he started to smile and move and feed himself. MRI showed no brain damage.

    Today he is home and doing well, we had our first occupational and physical therapy appointment today and they said he wouldn't need to be seen for that again. We have our first appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow.

    It was a unmitigated miracle. If he had not come back to me and not just come back but whole I don't think I could of lived with myself.

    I was investigated by the police and children's services and hubs sent the army. All concluded it was a no fault accident that could of happened to anyone...

    For days I couldn't figure out why he had stuck his head in the bucket or why the bucket didn't turn over. I still don't know why the bucket didn't turn. But at the bottom of the bucket when it was drained they found two matchbox cars. I have never seen him put his head willingly into liquid but he did and he got stuck.

    I will be moving to Atlanta at the end of the month. My mother had a second bypass surgery while the baby was in the hospital, she isn't recovering well. Her finances are in ruins from difficult child sister. My brother and I are the technical owners of her house and if action wasn't and isn't taken in a direct level the house will be lost. So we will be going there. My brother and I chased difficult child sister off, I could go into details about that but it would be another book.

    I am walking away from almost everything I broke myself to earn while I was in the army, taking my books, clothes, kitchen items and that's about it.

    But I'm not being hit anymore. My children are alive and I will be fine.
    I'm hoping that things start improving soon. I feel very greedy for needing life
    To get better after we received such a miracle, but life has got to get back on track again. I feel like the last two years have derailed me completely. I had to quit my
    Job when I left home and leave the home business.
    But I had had to call out earlier in the week because my lip was busted, and the morning I left he tried to gouge out my eyes he really still to this day believes I attacked him from a prone sleeping position at 4 am in the morning. The disease is dangerous.

    He had derailed several vendor events I had planned to attend by fighting with me the night before it was reaching the point where is was not just am escalation of violence but could no longer live life in any traditional sense....

    I'd give
    My
    Left arm
    Not to have
    "So much on my
    Plate" to not go through the things I have faced over the past two years.

    We were in marital
    Counseling when I left, and I seem
    To have some kind of PTSD from all the koi that has happened, so I'll be back in therapy at my earliest convenience some how some way.

    I don't mean to give the impression that things have been continuously been awful they weren't and they aren't now but these have been big blows, that don't seem to happen to the rest of the world. You'd think if be the strongest person in the world by now but I don't feel that way, I feel very beaten down and tired.









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  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my God, Dixie, I couldn't read your post fast enough to find out what happened to the baby, the whole thing made me cry, I can't imagine you living through that. I am so so sorry for all of your heartbreak.

    But I have to say, I am glad you left your husband, his is disturbed and I know you've been dealing with this for a long time. That must have been such a difficult choice for you to lead up to making and probably easier on the actual night you left.

    You have a lot of loss now. On so many fronts. The death of your relationship, your lifestyle, your home, your family as it was. And, a new phase starting over. Change sucks sometimes, it can come in like a tsunami and level our lives.........it's happened to me a couple of times (because I am 20 times older then you Dixie!) and I am here to tell you, when the dust settles from all of this, especially the trauma of your baby's near death experience...............when you walk back in to the sun, you will have arrived in your new life........free of abuse, free of the former negatives.........and with a clean slate.

    You're a strong woman Dixie, you'll get through this........and of course you feel beaten down, anyone would, you've been through a huge trauma and you need time to rest and heal. There is a recovery time for these kinds of changes in our lives. It stinks, there's no way around that, you're in the middle of a massive life change. For awhile you may have to deal with life one moment at at time till you get your footing back. But you will. There is something down the line that will spark your joy, right now, it's just time. Take your time and allow yourself to heal. You've been through a lot. Do your very best to be very, very kind to yourself and to find ways to nurture yourself, to comfort yourself, so your heart can mend. I'm so sorry Dixie. I wish there was some way to take all that pain away.........hang in there and if you can, post about your feelings, you know we'll be here supporting you through this.

    Dixie, we'll be circling the wagons around you. You're not alone. We're here if you need us. Sending you gentle hugs for your wounded heart............prayers for you and all your children's health and happiness..............
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2014
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Dear God, Dixie! I don't know what to say. That's a lot of pain for one woman to bear. I held my breath while reading your post, afraid the baby had not come back. Thank goodness he made it! Many gentle hugs for your wounded and traumatized soul.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sending lots and lots of prayers.

    We are here for you if you need us.
     
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    A miracle for sure!!! Thank goodness he is ok.

    You will do it. You are strong and determined. Even if you do not feel it. It is there.

    Kudos to you for leaving the abuse!! That is how I know how strong you are. Give yourself some credits!
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a miracle! I am so glad he came back to you. I am proud of you for having the courage to leave your husband. I will be keeping you in my prayers. Sending much love your way.
     
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh my word, sweetheart, I was starting to panic there. I am SO glad the baby is OK. I was picturing my Rose and my heart was just breaking.

    I am also glad you left the abuse. You should never have to deal with that. I am also glad your ex was willing and able to help. That's unusual but in this case it saved your life and most likely the kids' as well.

    Changing things is so very difficult under the best of circumstances - but you are very strong. Thank you for letting us know what has been happening. I will be praying and pretzeling up for you!
     
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I think you made a wonderful decision. It sounds like you needed to get away for very good reasons.

    I am so sorry to hear about Mr Lewis and so glad to hear he is doing well.
     
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Dixie,
    I am so glad you are safe and Mr Lewis is doing well!
     
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Hoping things return to a close to normalcy very quickly. Hopefully this next move will put you in a position of safety and security for you and your children.
     
  11. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Omg Dixie!!! I'm so sorry! I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I am sending you strength and good thoughts and lots of prayers.


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  12. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    OMG - I cannot imagine. After all that you have been through, I hope things calm down now!
     
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    OMG Dixie, Thank goodness he didn't die!! I want to tell you from personal experience, this horrible time will be what you compare the rest of your life to. In other words, get past this, you will never have another bad day. Huge hugs to you and your family, you are going to get past this.
     
  14. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I am so glad your baby is all right. I can't imagine your fear and your shock. And that could happen to anyone.

    This is the first step toward the rest of your life. I am also so glad you are leaving your husband.

    There is a much better life for you than that. You sound like an incredibly strong person and an incredibly human person, just like we all are.

    Hang in there. We're here for you.
     
  15. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Im so sorry... I cant even imagine what your going through. Im praying for you and your family hugs
     
  16. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Sorry it took me a few days to get back. It takes a lot out of me to tell people what happened. Thank you for the compassion, the ability to listen. You ladies are the only people I know who walk in the kind of stress I've been experiencing and have survived it.

    We're okay, very okay. He went to the cardiologist yesterday and they are finding us one in Atlanta. There is a kind of cardiologist that specializes in arrhythmia and the electrical impulses in the heart, that's the kind of doctor he had here and the guy he's transferring to is like president of their professional club and a top doctor. So he will remain in good hands. Occupational
    And physical waived him through said he was good to go and didn't need further appointments he has speech therapy for a couple of weeks and I'm thinking they may say the same thing, since he has been talking and babbling like normal. The only
    Outward sign that anything happened to him is his ecmo scar where it was attached to his neck.

    I'm handling it, sometimes I still wake up in the middle
    Of the night,
    Dreaming about it and I go check on him. I can sleep longer than 2 hours now so it's getting better. My ex has even had nightmares about it and we are looking forward to moving out of the house. It's hard to be in the kitchen here.

    I've been packing and cleaning all morning. Still have a lot
    To go.


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  17. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Thank heaven, Dixie. Matchbox cars in the bottom of the bucket....

    You did so well, Dixie!

    You have everything that matters, for now. Whatever you leave behind can so easily be replaced. I remember when you began your business, and how well that went for you.

    You are going to be fine.

    My daughter recently survived a domestic assault. There will be a degree of permanent brain dysfunction. Her back was broken, as well. You are fortunate to have left, and you did the right thing by leaving. It must have taken a great deal of courage.

    You are safe from him, now.

    You have your children, and you are safe.

    Good job, Dixie. You have been brave and strong.

    Cedar
     
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sweetheart, I am so, so very glad to hear he's doing very well!

    Yesterday we asked Pat to watch Rose for a few moments while we showered. She didn't want to sit and watch TV... When we came upstairs, the cats' water dish had been dumped everywhere and she was on the table. He had both earphones in and was completely oblivious. husband went off on him and then - after he said he just watched his phone "for about ten minutes" - I told him the story about Mr Lewis. I explained that your situation was SECONDS not minutes. Gonna be a while before he watches her alone again.
     
  19. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the update Dixie, I'm glad you're moving soon. Keep us posted as to how you all are doing. And, give that little Mr. Lewis a big hug for all of us here........
     
  20. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Thank heavens he is okay!! I couldn't imagine the terror. Good for you for leaving your husband.

    I am not far from Atlanta at all - please let me know if you need anything at all - even just a cup of coffee with a friend. We could set up a playdate! :)
     
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