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Discipline when stable???
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<blockquote data-quote="navineja" data-source="post: 305865" data-attributes="member: 4278"><p>We have a similar lying issue with one of ours. This has been going on since the girls came at age 3. Recently, we again asked J (the one with the lying problem) why she lies. She said "Sometimes you have to lie to protect yourself."!!! After establishing that she meant protection from punishment, we once again emphasized that lying only causes problems and real protection lies in telling the truth, lies cause more consequences, etc. This time it seems to have sunk in some. Since that last discussion, J is telling the truth more often than lying (with reminders that the truth will make all of us happy). It is a long battle to get rid of behaviors learned in the early years, especially when the child views those behaviors as vital to his/her wellbeing, but it can and does get better.</p><p>I know that age 5 is too young to expect him to get the above concepts fully, but I guess what I am saying is that eventually they do get it. Keep working at reminding him that the truth will make him happy. In addition, try to catch him telling the truth (even if it is a very trivial thing) and make a huge deal about it. One thing that helped with our other girl, N, when she was lying, was to give a small treat when she told the truth. We used the phrase "When something good comes out of your mouth, then something good goes in!" and gave her a gummy bear or a sweettart or something like that. Her personality really responds to positive reinforcement, so that worked wonders with her. And it is immediate gratification for the good deed. This worked somewhat for J, but not as well. We have also used sticker charts with rewards for a certain number of stickers earned. Also visuals like marbles or pennies in a clear cup for each truth told. I find that I need to change up the rewards system every so often, when it seems not to be as exciting and thus not as motivating to the girls.</p><p>Hang in there and remember many of us have been there done that, even still doing it!</p><p></p><p>Naomi</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="navineja, post: 305865, member: 4278"] We have a similar lying issue with one of ours. This has been going on since the girls came at age 3. Recently, we again asked J (the one with the lying problem) why she lies. She said "Sometimes you have to lie to protect yourself."!!! After establishing that she meant protection from punishment, we once again emphasized that lying only causes problems and real protection lies in telling the truth, lies cause more consequences, etc. This time it seems to have sunk in some. Since that last discussion, J is telling the truth more often than lying (with reminders that the truth will make all of us happy). It is a long battle to get rid of behaviors learned in the early years, especially when the child views those behaviors as vital to his/her wellbeing, but it can and does get better. I know that age 5 is too young to expect him to get the above concepts fully, but I guess what I am saying is that eventually they do get it. Keep working at reminding him that the truth will make him happy. In addition, try to catch him telling the truth (even if it is a very trivial thing) and make a huge deal about it. One thing that helped with our other girl, N, when she was lying, was to give a small treat when she told the truth. We used the phrase "When something good comes out of your mouth, then something good goes in!" and gave her a gummy bear or a sweettart or something like that. Her personality really responds to positive reinforcement, so that worked wonders with her. And it is immediate gratification for the good deed. This worked somewhat for J, but not as well. We have also used sticker charts with rewards for a certain number of stickers earned. Also visuals like marbles or pennies in a clear cup for each truth told. I find that I need to change up the rewards system every so often, when it seems not to be as exciting and thus not as motivating to the girls. Hang in there and remember many of us have been there done that, even still doing it! Naomi [/QUOTE]
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