Discouraged mommy

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kittyforu, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. Kittyforu

    Kittyforu New Member

    Hello everyone, I am new here and am lookinf dor a place to get some help.

    My boy was awake 22 hours on 24 when he was born and spent most of his time crying while mommy was doing everything she could to make sure he had everything he needed.

    Now he is 7, still crying, in the form of huge fits but less often as he grows.

    He's in a pissy mood most of the time no matter what we do to try and make him happy.

    Anything triggers a fit and now he won't start swearing and it's driving us crazy. He continues even though he has to endure the consequences given to him.

    I have to be very creative in finding consequences and nice things to congradulate him when he acts nicely.

    Well, I'm very tired of thinking and trying to find ways to help him.

    The doctors, social workers etc just drive me up the wall repeting the same things that just don't work here. I took a fit after his psychiatrist I was so sick of it. You'd think after so many years of working with parents they could have more answers, but no. I feel all alone with the problem.

    Since I'm the only one patient enough to take care of him without knocking the lights out of him (he is very provocative), I have nobody to help and give me a break.

    When I sent him to a camp for a break, he came back 10 x worse. Seems like he picked up the bad habbits of other children along with his own.

    Anybody have experience to share with me please ?
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    I am sure that others will be along shortly to give you some direction. I just wanted to say welcome and that I know you'll find this place a haven. I'm sorry to hear that you are doing this alone. Big hugs xoxoxo MicheleL
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    is he depressed?
    have they tried medications?
    I know it is hard, I was my son's best friend from birth I think since he was never able to foster any of his own. he still has no male friends and he is 24. I would like to see someone come up with the answers too.
    since your son is still young, I would press for anti-depressants if possible.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hi amd welcome.

    You said that doctors all tell you the same thing, but you didn't tell us what they are saying. Perhaps you could give more information such as if he's been officially diagnosed with anything, has there been medication intervention, do either of you have regular counseling you attend, etc.

    Also, many of us find it helpful if you add some information in your personal profile.

    Sending lots of hugs and support -
  5. Kittyforu

    Kittyforu New Member

    I don't know about depression

    He is diagnosed with adah and takes concerta & straterra

    He just started the straterra about 2 months ago.

    The doctors etc just say to give him consequences. I think they really don't know what else to say.

    The psychiatrist said to lock him in a room while he calms down

    If I lock him in his room, he will destroy it.

    So I keep him in the corner and I must stay beside him for him to stay there
  6. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    My experience is that the chronic irritability improved only with the right medication. For my son it was Risperdal. We had to d/c it though due to side effects. We are now trying Lamictal. It takes time. Good luck!
  7. Kittyforu

    Kittyforu New Member

    Another thing is that I am in quebec and they don't have the same diagnosis. Like they wont say a child is bipolar.

    I find it akward that my psy didn't talk about depression.

    They only get counseling at school when they need it.

    I can't afford a private psy so I'm stuck with what they give me.

    I asked for more help at my community center but because I studied in guidance counseling they seem to think I should be able to handle it.

    I do volonteer work for a parenting center, but adah is not the same, we refer parents to another place.
  8. Kittyforu

    Kittyforu New Member

    '' My experience is that the chronic irritability improved only with the right medication. ''

    I have only seen some impovemement that way to.

    Maybe I need to see another psychiatrist with him.

    She seems to think it's my fault, I'm not strict enough.

    I'm so tired, I can't even think much anymore.
  9. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    It looks like the only class of medications that have been tried are stimulants. My son was miserable on these. Maybe another class of drugs would show better promise. Ask psychiatrist for something else.
  10. Kittyforu

    Kittyforu New Member

    Thanks Josie, I will ask her.

    I don't know what to ask her for though.
  11. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    I would hesitate to ask for a specific medication but keep pushing for one with a better response. Take notes of his behavior to bring with you so she can see that they are not effectively managing his symptoms. They do usually like to exhaust one class of medications before moving on to another because amazingly one will work while the others will not. It's completely hit or miss.

    Strattera is in a different class than the stimulants. I think it's an SNRI - a stimulating antidepressant, used for ADHD. We tried Wellbutrin (also an SNRI) and had a bad response.
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi, sorry I did not notice this post sooner.

    My suggestion on a more effective way to push consequences effectively is to get your hands on the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It basically deals with picking your battles. It is a great read, and a good tool into deciphering how these difficult children think.

    Welcome to the board, and hopefully some more Warrior Moms will be along soon to share their wisdom as well!
  13. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I too have to sit with my kids if they're in trouble. And typically I'm the only one patient enough to deal with them without spanking them. My husband tries, but its very frustrating to him. I'm frustrated too, I just don't spank my difficult children.

    I'm sorry you're doing it all alone. I hope you get some better answers soon. I would try a new pysch if you can. I'm not familiar enough with the insurance laws in Canada to give advice. I hope whatever you do starts helping soon.

    The book BBK referred to helps. With me it helped more with understanding my children and their disabilities.

    You found a great board for support. I'm sure more will be along shortly to welcome you and offer advice.
  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You mention his anger and moods, but you did not mention him being hyper or unfocused or impulsive. Who diagnosis'd the ADHD?
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and welcome!

    That really describes my difficult child. I agree about getting a copy of The Explosive Child.

    I'm glad you found us-you will find much support here. Hugs.
  16. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    My son also was horrible when we tried other medications.
    I DO see that different medications work with different children. Must be patient. Hopefully you will find the best for you. It takes time for medication to work.
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The trouble with sitting with your kid, is you are rewarding him with your presence. I know, you haven't got a lot of choice - but it does make it even more difficult for you.

    I too would be angry with the advice you're getting - you CAN'T consequence a kid, if they can't change their behaviour (because it's impulse control problems) or they can't help it (such as fidgetting in class). There are a lot of things we have to stop trying to punish.

    About discipline - if it's not working, then don't do it. (like locking him in a room!) You never threaten a consequence you can't ensure will be carried out. And you need to be consistent.

    All together, this is almost impossible. Read "The Explosive Child". There is some discussion on Early Childhood forum, for a sneak peek.