Discouraged :(

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Aug 26, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I got a text yesterday afternoon From my Mom that stated she was going to see my son after work ... I in turn told her be ready because its never a good visit :( So she does the Granny thg & buys him Take out & Cigs ... ! Ive asked her over & over not to buy him extras ... FOOD FINE ... But he is 28 & if he wants to Smoke He can get a job ... Right!?! Dont Use My Mom :(
    After Visit .... I get a call from her ( keep in mind .. He says He Is Not My Son anymore ) So Hes very angry with me at this stage . I say Soo "How'd It Go ?" My Mom His Granny Is so Depressed ... She tell me That For the whole visit He puts us down , even her .. To the point we are the sorriest pple on earth :( We havent done anythg for him .. ALL WHILE SHE BUYING STUFF FOR HIM !
    MY RESPONSE WAS NOT NICE ! I TOLD HER not to go back over there & be put down like that anymore .. Until he shows Respect for my Mama ( she is the biggest Heart) ... I kinda got ugly .. More Stern .. But anyway ..I feel quilty but she has to see the truth ! She said Baby He's Clean as a whistle .... NO HES NOT MAMA .. Or he wld not treat u that way :( BELIEVE WAT UR EYES SEE ... NOT WAT HE TELLS U :( HAVE I done right ? I dont want my Mom Hurting anymore than I do
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Cant say this is a right or wrong question. Your intention was to spare tour mom. it was loving.

    I have learned by School of Hard Knocks that people do what they want to do, even if we give good advice from our experiences. I agree its best she not buy him anything, especially cigarettes. Maybe your words had an impact, but maybe your mom needs to hang onto the hope that her grandson didnt really mean what he said...it us hard and takes time for most to let go of those we love.

    I would not feel guilty. I would just not have the expectation that your words will affect her actions. See what happens.

    Hoping for better days for all of you....
     
  3. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    I've had major problems with my mother enabling my son so I know where you are coming from. Just yesterday my son called my mom wanting her to send him money through money gram, she said no and he told her off then hung up on her but later he called back begging that he didn't have gas to get to work and that he was starving, says he gets paid today. Anyway she sent $20 and said you can't get high on that little money. We think my son is drug free right now but after the way he acted yesterday I'm not so sure.
    I have literally laid down the law with my mom and it's been hard to get her to realize that when you buy them things they can then use their money for drugs. I would always buy my son something to eat myself but I don't give money and definitely wouldn't buy cigarettes .
    You are absolutely telling your mom right, that's enabling and it's not helping him. I wouldn't be too hard on her about the food because it probably makes her feel better but definitely no cigarettes or cash. No food everyday either, your son needs motivation to want to change.
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    T Rene:

    It's so hard for us not want to control everything and everyone surrounding our Difficult Child.

    I have to bite my tongue and hold back so much.

    It's very hard.

    Just remember you cannot control all of this. Take charge of your OWN life and live it to the fullest everyday and try to let go of all the madness so you can have some PEACE.
     
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  5. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Ugh..hard to tell Grandma NO, but they do need to be respectful of your wishes. She thinks he's clean...ugh again.

    She doesn't deserve the pain he is giving out..you did right..you are all doing the best you can. Give nothing..let him live the actions of his decisions.

    So sorry you had to have that experience...stay strong!
     
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You can buy dangerous, often bought and misused over the counter drugs for $20 and I believe cheaper street drugs. Also often they accumulate money in various ways...panhandling, selling stolen goods, even ( I heard of this method twice on Intervention and bet it's common) finding Walmart recepts and going to Walmart, getting one of the items in the found receipt and "returning" the item you never biught with this receipt. Drug addicts are endlessly cunning in getting money for use.

    "I'm hungry" works well for family. Truth is, drug addicts dont eat much. I gave my daughter no money. She walked to and from work. I would not help a drug user drive. It's dangerous. What is Grandma thinking??

    On the other hand, not all mothers respect our wishes regarding their grandchildren. It is not possible for all prople to crack the whip on Mom. Many refuse to listen.

    My grandma used to over my moms head all the time.
     
  7. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank You all Very much Im feeling better as I read more :) to the bottom of my soul I appreciate yall taking time out of your own lives to talk with me !
     
  8. jetsam

    jetsam Active Member

    I guess i would tell your mama WATCH WHAT THEY DO , NOT WHAT THEY SAY. Actions speak volumes! words are just...well they are just words.
     
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