ML, that shows talent, it really does. And to be doing it for fun shows a genuine interest in this, and to a certain extent, a drive that will never leave him.
I recently co-judged a children's writing competition in the same age group (had the awards presentation on Monday). I would suggest you look around to see if there are any competitions you can encourage him to write for. First place to look, is any writing groups in the area or in your state. See if there are publications from these groups available in your local library. Competitions are often printed in these magazines. But meanwhile - he is having fun with this and that is really great. He perhaps has his greatest potential as a writer, beginning now. Joining a kids writing group might be really good for him. PM me if you need to pick my brains further.
Now a critique - when I read this, the first sentence especially, the first two mainly, show he's just getting started with this piece. When a writer begins to write, it's like warming up a car - it takes a few minutes before it runs smoothly. That's normal, that's OK, but that's where editing comes in. Those first few sentences often can be completely removed later on, because the story itself starts after this, at the third sentence. Or sometimes on editing, those first few sentences can be adapted or moved elsewhere. I remember a book I was critiquing, where the first chapter was the author "warming up" and the book was just fine without that entire chapter.
Next - again, his first few sentences, he has padded with adjectives and adverbs. So at some level, he believes (or has been told) that descriptive writing is good writing. But as he really gets into his writing, these extra words drop away and we see the real talent in this work.
So, some tips for him:
1) EDIT. Be prepared to read through your work and change words around to make it more effective. No writer, not even the world's greatest, ever sends work out unedited. It's the biggest problem I have seen in children's writing, is this lack of editing. Teachers are a lot to blame, because they don't teach kids how important this is. Kids, too, end to be very immediate and can easily lose interest if they have to keep going over and over it. So there has to be a balance. One option is to put it away for a couple of weeks before the writer comes back to it.
2) Avoid "word salad". Adjectives make nouns look good, but you can get the same effect with fewer words, if you choose a better noun. "Old woman" gives us an effective mental picture; "hag" is even more effective. Similarly, adverbs are used to 'explain' the verb. "He ran quickly" tells us how he ran. But we could also have "he strode", "he raced", "he charged". The more active the verbs, the faster the story seems to pace. If you have a lot of description but not a lot of pace, it's like standing in front of a beautiful painting and describing it.
3) Never ever forget how the world looks, feels, smells and sounds to you as a child. Never forget. Too often, a talented young writer loses this freshness and originality by becoming a typical self-conscious teen, anxious to be an adult. Then when they go back to writing, it is never as good as it was. I don't think that will happen here, but this freshness can be challenging to recapture in adulthood, even for someone so talented. So it is easiest to not lose it in the first place. Use this imagination, always. Always wonder "what if...?" and write it down. Carry a notebook and when having to wait anywhere, describe what is happening. Describe all the senses. And if this takes you anywhere, follow it. When the writing takes over and you the writer don't know what is happening next, that can be very exciting. But when you're done, remember rule no 1.
Marg
