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General Parenting
Discussion: difficult children - Setting Boundaries vs Accomodations
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 515731" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>been there done that! difficult children room was soooo messy it was disgusting. Yup - had bugs a couple times, too. Those little fruit flies - I hate them! </p><p></p><p>Every month or so when difficult child was at her dad's, I just cleaned the room up myself. All clothes went into a hamper for her to bring downstairs when she got home. All papers went into the garbage. All plates went to the dishwasher. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I did it myself for many years. She lost a lot of things this way. I shudder to think about how much stuff would have been in her room if I did not get to throw out so much! Mine is a total pack rat...of everything! I can not tell you how many boxes of bandaids and rolls of tape I found in there! LOL! </p><p></p><p>Was it wrong for me to do the clean out? I don't know, maybe. It worked for us though. She always was appreciative when she came home to crawling into a nice clean bed. It took a few days for her to start realizing I threw stuff out (yes, every time) and then there might have been a discussion of 'it would not be gone if you had put it away instead of throwing it on the floor'. And I always found valuable items that I would have had to purchase if I did not come across them in her room. </p><p></p><p>Today...don't care if her room is clean or not because she has her own apartment. But, I can tell you it is NOT clean. I just don't care anymore. LOL! Did I miss some sort of parenting lesson in there somewhere about cleaning? I doubt it. She had already heard it for years before I just stopped the madness and did it myself. It certainly is not what I thought I would do as a parent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 515731, member: 391"] been there done that! difficult children room was soooo messy it was disgusting. Yup - had bugs a couple times, too. Those little fruit flies - I hate them! Every month or so when difficult child was at her dad's, I just cleaned the room up myself. All clothes went into a hamper for her to bring downstairs when she got home. All papers went into the garbage. All plates went to the dishwasher. Yes, I did it myself for many years. She lost a lot of things this way. I shudder to think about how much stuff would have been in her room if I did not get to throw out so much! Mine is a total pack rat...of everything! I can not tell you how many boxes of bandaids and rolls of tape I found in there! LOL! Was it wrong for me to do the clean out? I don't know, maybe. It worked for us though. She always was appreciative when she came home to crawling into a nice clean bed. It took a few days for her to start realizing I threw stuff out (yes, every time) and then there might have been a discussion of 'it would not be gone if you had put it away instead of throwing it on the floor'. And I always found valuable items that I would have had to purchase if I did not come across them in her room. Today...don't care if her room is clean or not because she has her own apartment. But, I can tell you it is NOT clean. I just don't care anymore. LOL! Did I miss some sort of parenting lesson in there somewhere about cleaning? I doubt it. She had already heard it for years before I just stopped the madness and did it myself. It certainly is not what I thought I would do as a parent. [/QUOTE]
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