Disorders Runs in the Family?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi all,
    So much for me staying away! His longest tantrum only between 35-45 minutes and sometimes several times a day but only lasting a few minutes! Yeah! But still not listening to anything! So quick run down, he was hard to get up for the TBall game this morning,had 15 minutes to get ready, then insisted on a snow- cone before the game,which my dad accidentally knocked over, my son demanding a new one all day! Sadly the icecram trucks go by my home every couple hrs at least! So anyway, went to the college campus for my books, my kids whined about snacks and books, they got snacks. Went to the mall, he wanted to play downstairs( couldn't tight schedule) to look at bikes and t.vs. He threw a tantrum over not getting a skateboard and a new bike( neighbor bought him one a month ago,gave my daughter gift card, so she wanted a bike now) or MC Donald that he knew is there but didn't pass! We walked outside, he refused my hand, ran out into the street and tripped and fell and was mad at me. Went to Barnes and Noble,they each got a book, he whined about not getting more things. Went to get them 2 fish each for our tank,good there. Got home and he was OK for a bit. Then he went on and on about going to a dollar store to get something and we told him not today,look at all the stuff he just got.He said you promised, I said "yes" but I told you we wont get that today, if you get the other stuff, earlier he agreed"! Anyways, to the disorders running in the family. Out of the blue their Uncle( fathers side) came by to see the kids.. hasnt seen my daughter in 10 years, supposedly wasnt told about his brothers and my son! Long story there! So he said his son is probably going to be diagnosed with Ashbergers? Sorry if that's spelt wrong!He said hes talented but yet violent,problems,and hit his head when he was 4yrs old as well. So, his son, possibly something wrong with mine, speech issues with my son,sons father and his other son. Violence with both father and this Uncle. As I said my mom had Schizophrenia, but my sister and I are OK. Praying my kids are OK, they show no symptoms of that. So all this time I am feeling it is all my fault, I feel maybe I should only take a little blame and put a little on it being in his genes? Their father says we should be together so he wouldn't act this way! My son demanded a hot dog in front of his"long lost uncle"lol and his uncle said he sounds just like his dad! I know you all mentioned something like this when I mentioned the fathers issues/drinking. Maybe its really sinking in now? I just want my kids to have a good solid chance at life, without all these setbacks! Kinda weird after 10 years the uncle comes by regardless of what his brother had to say( they don't always get along part of reason he stayed away?) Thanks all, sorry sooooo long!:redface:
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    WOW. It all started to sound VERY familiar to me.

    Yes, Mental health issues definitely run in families. They can skip generations. NO, It's NOT you as a parent. You might have something to do with it only because of the genes you passed on which were passed to you from your Mom. But the combination with yur ex's genes unfortunately creates a bad mix (I'm in a similar boat but didn't even realize how sever husband's problems were until he left) NO the problems would not go away if you got back together. If your ex is anything like mine, it would probably make it worse. I know for a fact that if mine had stayed, he wouldn't be able to deal with what's been going on and would probably make things worse trying to fix it "his way"

    I don't find it that weird because after spending 13 years with a man who said his mother died when he was in his early 20s, I had a mother in law move into my house. Yes, the same woman that supposedly died 30 or so years prior. It was a miraculous resurrection! LOL
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm afraid that pattern of persistent wanting and whining, amd sometimes tantrums when he doesn't get the desired object, also sounds horribly familiar to me, too... To be honest, I think it'd be much worse with my son if we were around an environment where he was seeing and being exposed to temptation all the time - but you obviously can't move to a rural village... And anyway there are always things to be desired that cannot be given (playing outside late in the evening), wherever you are. I am wondering myself what, if any, additives and sugary stuff play in my son's behaviour. This is something to be instantly filed in the Easier Said Than Done folder, of course, but would you be able to experiment with this, see what effect it has on him if you give no "junk" foods or additives for a couple of weeks... and then you have to deal with your son's whining and tantrums because he wants it, I realise. Mind you, you never know... I have explained to my son that there are things in certain foods (additives) that are not good for him and make him sick and he just accepts this, does not make a fuss when something is refused.
    And then... the whole negotiation approach. I am often not skilled enough or patient enough IN THE MOMENT to apply the "Explosive Child" techniques, but when I do I get good results. I also find, as you doubtless do, that I get into real trouble when things are not explained or announced ahead of time. And if I say we are going to do something we HAVE to do it. He is never going to forget... Routine helps, of course. I also wonder about stimulation overload with these children??
    Just a couple of ideas... Hugs.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    If you google the terms mental health genetics or mental illness genetics you'll find all sorts of articles showing a genetic predisposition to certain disorders. Some are well documented, like Autism (Asperger's is a form of Autism), where if one sibling is diagnosed, subsequent siblings are watched closely because the odds of them having it increase considerably.
  5. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi Malika,
    I have been giving a heads up on when or what has to be done ahead of time. He seems to agree then last minute changes his mind or is back and forth! Wow, I think living where you are would help! I dread the fast food places, all down the street from me, Ice cream truck,stores, even 7-elevens! I did take away additives a couple years ago, didnt seem to do a difference tho. But, I am going to do it again! I will just tell him "mommy needs help on eating better and your such a good partner for me" and of course adding the rest of my family too! I told my son they are not god for him, or too much, but, he does not accept it. Even when I do not buy it the rest of my family is not helping as they give in. On the stimulation, they said he wasn't/isn't doing enough! Before school,we started him in swimming, he quit ( he wanted to join). Recently, we added him in TBall,again,what he wanted to do, then 3 sports follow throughout the year. I don't know, overstimulated, under stimulated, I think either way they can act out! But good idea, I will see about his now schedule and see if I cant find something better! Thank you!
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I agree with SRL - three of my kids have been diagnosis'd with Aspergers. It's not a horror diagnosis. It is what it is! I can't remember: have you had a full neuropsychologist done? Having that behind you will help with securing different services that will help considerably. I highly recommend that you have one done. You definately need some peace in your life!

    Many hugs from here!

  7. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi keista,
    I agree about the problems being there if we got back together. But see, we don't love each other ( he never loved me,played me etc... really bad deal there, but I used to love him). His only interest is to live/marry me, is so our current court agreement will become null and void and then he wants to get full custody and collect child support. Although he denies this, he has made comments about getting the kids just so his other ex and I could know what is was like to pay child support and be scre*** by the government. He of course denies his intention. He isnt/hasn't been here for any of us, so why trust him after all these years? I mean, he didn't even go to our first sons funeral when I miscarried him, AND his brother dragged him to the hospital, drunk! Why I kept giving him chances years later is beyond me! But, I got my two children yeah!!!! So that was worth it! Any-who,WOW!!! on your mom in law! What a miracle! That just made my eyes pop and freeze! What is this with men and lies! Not saying women cant, oh only if you knew the other lies I been through with him and his exes, I try not to put him down though and NEVER do in front of the kids especially if they are home I keep my mouth shut. I always praise how smart he his in his courses and he could of been a Dr, and stuff like that.Thanks!
  8. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi SRL,
    I have decided to take your advice in a prior post and join that Autism forum to take that survey. I am very curious/worried now. These kids though would be cousins, but I do see your point. Thank you!
  9. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi nvts,
    You do have your hands full! No, I know is not a horror diagnosis, just we all as parents wish the best. No matter what happens with you and your hubby, hopefully he will always be there with the kids. Its harder when you have no physical or emotional support from the father or a lot of your family. This is my situation! No neuropsychologist done, the doctors said nothing is wrong with my son, it is just my and my fathers fault! No problems at school either, so until he blows there, I have no support in the Medical sense. His school does keep a close on him for me because of my "home issues with him". They said they see no issues either but will keep an eye out etc. So, its a waiting game. They are the only ones who want to see his tantrum on video, but I will wait if he has a tantrum or issues there first, I do not want to start anything or give them ammunition for any reason! Thanks!
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yep. They are inherited. If you have one spectrum child, you have a 1 in 20 chance of having another one.

    In schizophrenia, if one parent has it there is a 10% of passing it along whereas the norm is that 1 in 100 will develop schizophrenia.I think bipolar/mood disorders is even higher. Even antisocial behavior tends to be inherited (I have read tons on this...if a relative is in jail, even if the child is adopted and has never met the parent, he is at higher risk to end up in jail). Why? Behaviors? Personality? Impulsivity? Not sure.

    Getting back together with your ex isn't going to change who he is and if he doesn't love you...your son will pick that up.
  11. keista

    keista New Member

    I had all but forgotten of my concerns over DD2 until I read MWM post. When she was born she seemed very much like son - not exactly but similar enough that I was concerned she also might be on the spectrum. I was concerned enough that I put off her vaccinations. (at the time the vaccination debate was still in full swing) Although I did not buy into the scare 100% I did express my concerns to the dr and was supported in delaying those vaccinations until after the ages and stages certain markers for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) would materialize. She is not on the spectrum, but her general temprament is very much the same as son's. This only was obvious to me because of DD1 being so completely different. And yes she is now fully vaccinated.
  12. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi MidwestMom,
    That is so sad though! I agree about my ex and I. I would never be with him for any reason again. My daughter already knows we don't love or want each other, as would my son, your right! I refuse a bad relationship again as I want my kids to marry for love not convenience or tricks.
  13. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi keista,
    I heard of shots possibly being a cause of issues due do the kids were allergic to them? I know for flu shots they ask if we are allergic to eggs,interesting stuff isn't it?