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Distraught about 19yr son
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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 407599" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>I agree 100%. He needs to be on his own, treated as an adult.</p><p></p><p>No more financial assistance - none Mom.</p><p>No bailing him out of jail when he gets arrested for driving under the influence - a likely outcome I think.</p><p>No paying his phone bills.</p><p>No calling him and nagging him about calling you, etc.</p><p>No writing excuses for him at school (I assume he's still in high school) - report him as truant instead.</p><p>Tell him you will call the police if he breaks the law while in your home including stealing, doing illegal drugs, any kind of physical violence - that include shoving - or threats of violence against you, your pets, your property. You will press charges if you must call the police.</p><p>Inform him he must move out by X date after which he will no longer be welcome to live in your home even if it means he is homeless.</p><p><u>Change all the locks today and do not give him a key.</u> He may come and go when you are home and not otherwise.</p><p>Do not buy him food when you are together, do not buy him clothes, do not buy him anything at all.</p><p></p><p>You must stand up for yourself to his abusive behavior in a very, very clear way. No hedging as he will just ignore everything.</p><p></p><p>And do not explain it all in great detail or argue. This is your home, you are in charge, you are paying the bills - he is not.</p><p></p><p>Simply state your position (in writing is always a good idea too) briefly - he's an adult and it's time he moved out and lived independently. Tell him you are changing the locks, tell him the date he must officially move out by and whether he can take his belongings including furniture with him. Then turn and walk away. Do not let him engage you if at all possible.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. been there done that with a severely physically disabled teen the day after his 18th birthday. It was hard but also necessary.</p><p></p><p>Patricia </p><p></p><p>You should also be prepared for push back from him - probably an escalation in the most difficult behaviors and a refusal to move out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 407599, member: 7948"] I agree 100%. He needs to be on his own, treated as an adult. No more financial assistance - none Mom. No bailing him out of jail when he gets arrested for driving under the influence - a likely outcome I think. No paying his phone bills. No calling him and nagging him about calling you, etc. No writing excuses for him at school (I assume he's still in high school) - report him as truant instead. Tell him you will call the police if he breaks the law while in your home including stealing, doing illegal drugs, any kind of physical violence - that include shoving - or threats of violence against you, your pets, your property. You will press charges if you must call the police. Inform him he must move out by X date after which he will no longer be welcome to live in your home even if it means he is homeless. [U]Change all the locks today and do not give him a key.[/U] He may come and go when you are home and not otherwise. Do not buy him food when you are together, do not buy him clothes, do not buy him anything at all. You must stand up for yourself to his abusive behavior in a very, very clear way. No hedging as he will just ignore everything. And do not explain it all in great detail or argue. This is your home, you are in charge, you are paying the bills - he is not. Simply state your position (in writing is always a good idea too) briefly - he's an adult and it's time he moved out and lived independently. Tell him you are changing the locks, tell him the date he must officially move out by and whether he can take his belongings including furniture with him. Then turn and walk away. Do not let him engage you if at all possible. Good luck. been there done that with a severely physically disabled teen the day after his 18th birthday. It was hard but also necessary. Patricia You should also be prepared for push back from him - probably an escalation in the most difficult behaviors and a refusal to move out. [/QUOTE]
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