Disturbing mtng with-the psychiatrist

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Nov 19, 2011.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, we met with-Dr. M this a.m. and told him about difficult child skipping school, playing computer games all day, and using three phones and a credit card to get "free" game points.
    Only one of difficult child's teachers returned the Connors Rating Scale--his Spanish teacher. She's the pencil pusher who follows all the admin rules and doesn't understand Asperger's and ADHD, but her pencil pushing came in handy since she's the only one who filled out the form and mailed it back. :)

    Dr. M spoke directly to husband and me and ignored difficult child (this is a trick you're supposed to do with-teens since they pretend to ignore everyone), knowing full well that difficult child was soaking it all in.
    He mentioned how difficult child's new ventures into other kids' homes (and the skating rink last night) was a step in the right direction for his Asperger's, so for now, no new medications for anxiety.

    However, the stealing could have landed him in jail and in court (lawsuit) if he'd put that much on other peope's phone bills and credit cards, and that parents can take their own kids to court. He also mentioned a CHINS petition.

    He did not like the lack of insight into what happens after A,B, and C is done (eg, the bill is going to come in the mail at some point. Where is the thought process?). He also did not like the lack of remorse, and the continual arguing about "No, that's not exactly what I said, and that's not fair," etc. He kept on and on about lack of remorse.
    He said it appeared more like difficult child was upset because he was caught.

    Dr. M said that since difficult child isn't talking, he doesn't know what he was thinking at the time he did the impulsive things he did. Was the thrill that great? Was it an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thing? Was it something he will repeat because he doesn't care what happens to him afterward? He make a point of repeating it to us, in the third person, knowing that difficult child could jump in at any time and say, "That's not true!"
    I asked difficult child if he knew how hard husband and I had to work to pay back that money. He said yes. (What's he supposed to say?) He spoke very little during the mtng.

    The dr said we were working in the right direction by withholding a big birthday bash and just having a quiet dinner and small gifts (if any), because it hits difficult child where he can see and feel it. And also, by having difficult child work off the payment, in addition to his regular chores.

    He mentioned that difficult child is working toward a conduct disorder with-this type of behavior.
    Yeah, he'll be 15 in Dec.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I totally agree with your psychiatrist. You should take difficult child down to the bank and have them tell him that you could press charges on him for the credit cards and have them tell him that it is a felony and what that would mean to him. Bank fraud. Maybe call the manager ahead of time and have them lay it on thick.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. I don't even know what to say. If it were my kid (and I'm speaking just for myself here), the minute I got the bill, my kid would lose EVERY privilege he has for at least a couple weeks. No tv or computer or video games (it takes money for the providers and the electricity). He would also be working his tail off to "pay the bill". Stuff that would be a paying job in "real life" done for minimum wage so it takes longer to pay the debt. That would be my way to make it hurt.

    Hugs hon. I love your psychiatrist.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I don't know what to say either....except I kinda like the idea of him talking to the authorities. Perhaps a one on one with the police?

    Matt went through a phase like this. He would get on ebay in the middle of the night, with my cc. Or just get on ebay without my cc and make false promises to people. This was the beginning when his mania was starting to reveal itself. So many of your difficult children behaviors sound like Matt's combo, AS and BiPolar (BP) - has BiPolar (BP) been addressed as a possibility?
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Did he show any fear of the consequences when they were spelled out? Q gets panicky so I have toned it down. I do tell him in non stress times when we can process it. But not in the heat of the battle anymore. I wonder if in a session like that he would understand better. maybe. Problem is even when he understands he just doesn't have the breaks sometimes.

    It would be so sad if he really did get a conduct disorder diagnosis. do you think he really understands it is stealing when he doesn't see the money, then? Is that what you are saying? If I dont have money Q says what my little neices and nephews always said.... just write a check, or just use the credit card (mine is a pass card so have to have money in my account first). I have explained a million times, he doesn't get it. I think he will though.