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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 592807" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Witz, while I totally agree, I don't think kids feel loved and valued when people split up and have to focus off their kids to work hard or else they bring home Stud Steve or the girl who wants to be their new mom yet wants all of Dad's time...plus maybe a few stepkids to boot...and there is absolutely no guarantee, in fact the odds are against it, that everyone will like each other or that the house will be more peaceful than the other one. When women divorce they tend to get poorer. Housing, education can deteriorate I've seen it in my own family.</p><p></p><p>Sure, it's no fun when Dad and Mom don't like each other. But it's more disruptive to the kids when they have to play musical houses with musical step-siblings and I can't help but wonder if this really helps them feel more loved or more stable. I also don't think most kids enjoy watching their parents date. That alone can be threatening...moreso than a father/mother argument. </p><p></p><p>Yeah, I'm playing devil's advocate, but I do think most of what I'm saying is true. Divorce from a spouse you fight with...perhaps it would be better to try harder? People in marriages don't try very hard these days. And second marriages are rarely better, if you look at the stats. Third marriages...can kids even think their parents believe in marriage if they can marry so many times? Can THEY learn to take a commitment seriously in a "forever" kind of way or do they think, "I don't want to be like her."</p><p></p><p>I read that marriage is now at an all time low. I do understand why. It's sad abut when I hear about somebody getting married and spending $10K on a wedding (which I think is a cheap wedding these days) all I can think about is, "Man, and the divorce will cost even more." Of course, I *did* get divorced! My kids from my first marriage had a much rougher road than the last two, and they didn't even have to go house to house. I let ex come stay at our house and went to stay with my BFF on his weekend. So their lives were relatively stable. Still, Julie did turn into a drug addict.</p><p></p><p>When I met husband #2, we got married in the park in regular clothes and this cool lady preacher did the vows. It couldn't have been more casual. We are still happily married seventeen years later and Sonic and Jumper have no mental health issues. Can't help but think the consistent love from Dad and Mom helped, plus living in one place and feeling secure. by the way, hub and I beat the 66% second time married couples who divorce. So it CAN work. For me, it was great. For my first three kids, not so sure, although both kids whom I still talk with insist that they understand that ex is difficult and why I divorced him. I don't know if they saw this at the time though.</p><p></p><p>I have no answers, but thought this could be an interesting discussion. Hope it was <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 592807, member: 1550"] Witz, while I totally agree, I don't think kids feel loved and valued when people split up and have to focus off their kids to work hard or else they bring home Stud Steve or the girl who wants to be their new mom yet wants all of Dad's time...plus maybe a few stepkids to boot...and there is absolutely no guarantee, in fact the odds are against it, that everyone will like each other or that the house will be more peaceful than the other one. When women divorce they tend to get poorer. Housing, education can deteriorate I've seen it in my own family. Sure, it's no fun when Dad and Mom don't like each other. But it's more disruptive to the kids when they have to play musical houses with musical step-siblings and I can't help but wonder if this really helps them feel more loved or more stable. I also don't think most kids enjoy watching their parents date. That alone can be threatening...moreso than a father/mother argument. Yeah, I'm playing devil's advocate, but I do think most of what I'm saying is true. Divorce from a spouse you fight with...perhaps it would be better to try harder? People in marriages don't try very hard these days. And second marriages are rarely better, if you look at the stats. Third marriages...can kids even think their parents believe in marriage if they can marry so many times? Can THEY learn to take a commitment seriously in a "forever" kind of way or do they think, "I don't want to be like her." I read that marriage is now at an all time low. I do understand why. It's sad abut when I hear about somebody getting married and spending $10K on a wedding (which I think is a cheap wedding these days) all I can think about is, "Man, and the divorce will cost even more." Of course, I *did* get divorced! My kids from my first marriage had a much rougher road than the last two, and they didn't even have to go house to house. I let ex come stay at our house and went to stay with my BFF on his weekend. So their lives were relatively stable. Still, Julie did turn into a drug addict. When I met husband #2, we got married in the park in regular clothes and this cool lady preacher did the vows. It couldn't have been more casual. We are still happily married seventeen years later and Sonic and Jumper have no mental health issues. Can't help but think the consistent love from Dad and Mom helped, plus living in one place and feeling secure. by the way, hub and I beat the 66% second time married couples who divorce. So it CAN work. For me, it was great. For my first three kids, not so sure, although both kids whom I still talk with insist that they understand that ex is difficult and why I divorced him. I don't know if they saw this at the time though. I have no answers, but thought this could be an interesting discussion. Hope it was :) [/QUOTE]
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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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