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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 592932" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I think this is the key. There is no doubt that my kids had a tough time both before and after my divorce from their dad. But staying with him became less of an option as time went on. He had no intention of "working" on anything. Was I selfish to want a divorce? Probably, and I'm ok with that. I wanted to survive with my own psyche intact, and didn't want my kids to see me treated that way, and didn't want to waste my entire life with a man who had no respect for me and was emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive to me -- AND who had no desire to change his behavior. I'm not sure he could have, to be honest. by the way, I am grateful for no-fault divorces. If I had had to prove abuse in order to get a divorce, I would likely not have been granted one. Emotional abuse is very difficult to prove, and I had no physical scars.</p><p></p><p>Of course, I know you're talking in general terms here... people who treat marriage as something they can get easily into and out of. I agree that it doesn't seem to mean the same thing as it did in previous generations, and I agree that in general people don't give marriage vows the respect they should. I think the key is to focus on the getting married part, and less on the divorce part. I think we as a society have to find that balance between emphasizing the importance of two-parent families being the best place to raise a child, while also emphasizing that "getting married" doesn't have to be a life goal for anyone, man or woman. You shouldn't get married because you think you're supposed to, and don't want to be alone. You should get married because you're truly ready to make a life-long commitment to live with another person (which is why I seriously doubt I'll ever get married again lol) </p><p></p><p>My parents were married over 50 years, and for most of the time I knew them, they weren't very happy together. You probably wouldn't have known it from the outside, though. I don't think my mother thought she had any other option but to stay (although later I thought she used that to be a bit of a martyr). I've thought a lot about whether or not I would have preferred if they got divorced .. and I just don't know. I remember wishing on some days when they were fighting, that they'd just get divorced. Life would have been different if that had happened, that's for sure. Now that they're gone, I just feel badly for both of them, that they didn't have the kind of happy marriage they both deserved. Especially at the end. </p><p></p><p>Those are my rambling thoughts <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 592932, member: 1157"] I think this is the key. There is no doubt that my kids had a tough time both before and after my divorce from their dad. But staying with him became less of an option as time went on. He had no intention of "working" on anything. Was I selfish to want a divorce? Probably, and I'm ok with that. I wanted to survive with my own psyche intact, and didn't want my kids to see me treated that way, and didn't want to waste my entire life with a man who had no respect for me and was emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive to me -- AND who had no desire to change his behavior. I'm not sure he could have, to be honest. by the way, I am grateful for no-fault divorces. If I had had to prove abuse in order to get a divorce, I would likely not have been granted one. Emotional abuse is very difficult to prove, and I had no physical scars. Of course, I know you're talking in general terms here... people who treat marriage as something they can get easily into and out of. I agree that it doesn't seem to mean the same thing as it did in previous generations, and I agree that in general people don't give marriage vows the respect they should. I think the key is to focus on the getting married part, and less on the divorce part. I think we as a society have to find that balance between emphasizing the importance of two-parent families being the best place to raise a child, while also emphasizing that "getting married" doesn't have to be a life goal for anyone, man or woman. You shouldn't get married because you think you're supposed to, and don't want to be alone. You should get married because you're truly ready to make a life-long commitment to live with another person (which is why I seriously doubt I'll ever get married again lol) My parents were married over 50 years, and for most of the time I knew them, they weren't very happy together. You probably wouldn't have known it from the outside, though. I don't think my mother thought she had any other option but to stay (although later I thought she used that to be a bit of a martyr). I've thought a lot about whether or not I would have preferred if they got divorced .. and I just don't know. I remember wishing on some days when they were fighting, that they'd just get divorced. Life would have been different if that had happened, that's for sure. Now that they're gone, I just feel badly for both of them, that they didn't have the kind of happy marriage they both deserved. Especially at the end. Those are my rambling thoughts :) [/QUOTE]
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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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