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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 592946" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>I come at this from two perspectives---</p><p></p><p>First, as a child of divorces (and both my bios were divorced a number of times!!!) I think it affected me because they were not stable as individuals. They married each other too young and then never found the love they had for each other with anyone else. They were good people, just lousy parents---Their divorce did not harm me as much as their lack of parental skills did.</p><p></p><p>As a divorcee---well, I am one of those who tried to make it work---at least I did the 2nd time. </p><p>They first man I married when I was 19 and the marriage we lived together than 6 months for 4 years we were married. He was 17 years older, mean as a snake, and abusive emotionally and physically. I think I married him to prove I was "grown" and then learned very quickly that I needed to grow up.</p><p></p><p>I married ex when I was 24---I had a 4 year old who needed an father, and he was there with all the right qualities (house, good family name, a job). The marriage was bearable the first 15 years---then the drug addiction became apparent, and although I lasted another 8 years for the sake of the kids, it was not easy. His addictive personality made him an awful spouse. If it wasn't drugs, it was religion or motorcycles, or those coffee drinks from McDonalds. Again, he is a kind, decent person, but he was a lousy husband!! He treated me well. I had everything I wanted materially. He loved me in a truly obsessive way--and in the end, it just didn't work. I had to leave to save my soul. The children were already adults when I left.</p><p></p><p>I'm now on #3 (Dear God, please don't let me turn into my mother!). My first two husbands I needed for different reasons ---Mike, I just want him! As an adult woman, with a career, and 3 adult children I love dearly but who do not "need" me, I'm beyond the age for needing anyone---but Lord, I do want to be with this man. This time is different. He is my best friend. We enjoy the same things. I've been with Mike for 3 years now, and I never tire of being with him---He does not place me on a pedestal, I am not expected to take care of him, he was single for 11 years before we ran into each other and he is capable of taking care of himself. We have the same circle of friends---people we have know since middle school. We work together side by side doing everything from cooking to yard work. For the first time in my adult life, I am enjoying living every single day!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 592946, member: 1436"] I come at this from two perspectives--- First, as a child of divorces (and both my bios were divorced a number of times!!!) I think it affected me because they were not stable as individuals. They married each other too young and then never found the love they had for each other with anyone else. They were good people, just lousy parents---Their divorce did not harm me as much as their lack of parental skills did. As a divorcee---well, I am one of those who tried to make it work---at least I did the 2nd time. They first man I married when I was 19 and the marriage we lived together than 6 months for 4 years we were married. He was 17 years older, mean as a snake, and abusive emotionally and physically. I think I married him to prove I was "grown" and then learned very quickly that I needed to grow up. I married ex when I was 24---I had a 4 year old who needed an father, and he was there with all the right qualities (house, good family name, a job). The marriage was bearable the first 15 years---then the drug addiction became apparent, and although I lasted another 8 years for the sake of the kids, it was not easy. His addictive personality made him an awful spouse. If it wasn't drugs, it was religion or motorcycles, or those coffee drinks from McDonalds. Again, he is a kind, decent person, but he was a lousy husband!! He treated me well. I had everything I wanted materially. He loved me in a truly obsessive way--and in the end, it just didn't work. I had to leave to save my soul. The children were already adults when I left. I'm now on #3 (Dear God, please don't let me turn into my mother!). My first two husbands I needed for different reasons ---Mike, I just want him! As an adult woman, with a career, and 3 adult children I love dearly but who do not "need" me, I'm beyond the age for needing anyone---but Lord, I do want to be with this man. This time is different. He is my best friend. We enjoy the same things. I've been with Mike for 3 years now, and I never tire of being with him---He does not place me on a pedestal, I am not expected to take care of him, he was single for 11 years before we ran into each other and he is capable of taking care of himself. We have the same circle of friends---people we have know since middle school. We work together side by side doing everything from cooking to yard work. For the first time in my adult life, I am enjoying living every single day! [/QUOTE]
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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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