Steely
Active Member
Become overly outraged when a Dr condescendingly insists on knowing whats wrong with you - when you absolutely know that they are wrong??? I mean, this is an epic trigger point for me - I get in my opinion excessively bent over this.
I guess it is the 21 years that I have researched my butt off for Matt's medications and psychological well being, as well as for myself. I know a lot, as we all do, about our medications and bodies and minds. So for a Dr not to take the time and truly listen????
My new therapist insisted that I try this new thing called an Alpha stimulant. You clip these things on your ears and a very small voltage of electricity is conducted throughout your brain. It is supposed to alleviate depression, help you sleep, blah, blah, blah. So I tried it, and that night I had hynogogic sleep hallucinations (which is where you are awake in your mind, but your body is asleep, and you hallucinate and can't move your body). I only get these if my mental state is overstimulated, which used to happen a lot. In the hallucination I saw bolts of lightnings go through my brain. Meanwhile, as I am paralyzed in bed with the sleep hallucination I hear loud stomping on my wooden deck. It was HORRIBLE, and when I could finally wake myself up out of the paralysis I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
So I tell my therapist the next day about what happened and she said, "that's impossible - there are NO side effects to this device!"
OK....grrr...
Then I told her about the footsteps on the porch, and in this case she made me feel like I should be empowered and that I should buy pepper spray or whatever to defend myself.
She convinced me to keep the Alpha stimulant one more week. However I refused to use it. I know my body - and I had not had sleep hallucinations in 2 years - what are the odds?
Meanwhile that next day, I found deer prints in my yard - and it dawned on me that the clomping I heard were deer on my porch. Phew. What a relief.
So the following week I give her the Alpha stimulant back, and say no deal. I am not trying that again. And she says, "yea, you were feeling a little paranoid last week, huh....." My face flushed with rage. "I said, what do you mean?" She said well, you thought you could see the electricity in your brain...you were just pretty fearful of that whole thing. And then you thought you heard stomping on your porch." I told her I was NOT paranoid. "And she said, oh really, why do you think that?" **<forehead>** "Ummm, because I had a reaction to that thing, that made me sleep hallucinate - and there were DEER on my PORCH that made the stomping sounds"!!!!!
Now I am having a hard time even going back. I know she doesn't know me, and she is going on the status quo of the many ding dongs out there - but yet - any ding dong deserves someone to truly LISTEN to what they are trying to communicate. After periods of time, then you can decide if the ding dong is a ding dong or not - but not before!
Then today I went to the second session of the new psychiatrist. mad, mad, mad!!!!!!!!! She sits there for FIVE minutes and debates with me about what the real cause of my sleep problems are. " I don't structure my bedtimes, I don't have structure in my life, I sleep too long, blah, blah, blah." I told her like 3 different times that this has been going on since I was SIX. I am 44. LOTS of scenarios with lots of structure and no sleep has happened in those 38 years - sleep problem is still there!! She continued to give me all of these superficial remedies to "fix it", instead of listening and going oh, I see you have tried all of those and they did not work. I wanted to hit her.
I know I overreact inside. I KNOW. But I was just wondering if I am the only one?? Is it just because we all know a lot about this world of psychology - and most doctors treat us as if we don't??? I remember screaming at doctors with Matt's issues, because they did not believe me that X medicine could have Y side effect. It just infuriates me. And now I seemed hard wired to not be doubted or minimized in any way shape or form.
Grrrrr..................
I guess it is the 21 years that I have researched my butt off for Matt's medications and psychological well being, as well as for myself. I know a lot, as we all do, about our medications and bodies and minds. So for a Dr not to take the time and truly listen????
My new therapist insisted that I try this new thing called an Alpha stimulant. You clip these things on your ears and a very small voltage of electricity is conducted throughout your brain. It is supposed to alleviate depression, help you sleep, blah, blah, blah. So I tried it, and that night I had hynogogic sleep hallucinations (which is where you are awake in your mind, but your body is asleep, and you hallucinate and can't move your body). I only get these if my mental state is overstimulated, which used to happen a lot. In the hallucination I saw bolts of lightnings go through my brain. Meanwhile, as I am paralyzed in bed with the sleep hallucination I hear loud stomping on my wooden deck. It was HORRIBLE, and when I could finally wake myself up out of the paralysis I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
So I tell my therapist the next day about what happened and she said, "that's impossible - there are NO side effects to this device!"
OK....grrr...
Then I told her about the footsteps on the porch, and in this case she made me feel like I should be empowered and that I should buy pepper spray or whatever to defend myself.
She convinced me to keep the Alpha stimulant one more week. However I refused to use it. I know my body - and I had not had sleep hallucinations in 2 years - what are the odds?
Meanwhile that next day, I found deer prints in my yard - and it dawned on me that the clomping I heard were deer on my porch. Phew. What a relief.
So the following week I give her the Alpha stimulant back, and say no deal. I am not trying that again. And she says, "yea, you were feeling a little paranoid last week, huh....." My face flushed with rage. "I said, what do you mean?" She said well, you thought you could see the electricity in your brain...you were just pretty fearful of that whole thing. And then you thought you heard stomping on your porch." I told her I was NOT paranoid. "And she said, oh really, why do you think that?" **<forehead>** "Ummm, because I had a reaction to that thing, that made me sleep hallucinate - and there were DEER on my PORCH that made the stomping sounds"!!!!!
Now I am having a hard time even going back. I know she doesn't know me, and she is going on the status quo of the many ding dongs out there - but yet - any ding dong deserves someone to truly LISTEN to what they are trying to communicate. After periods of time, then you can decide if the ding dong is a ding dong or not - but not before!
Then today I went to the second session of the new psychiatrist. mad, mad, mad!!!!!!!!! She sits there for FIVE minutes and debates with me about what the real cause of my sleep problems are. " I don't structure my bedtimes, I don't have structure in my life, I sleep too long, blah, blah, blah." I told her like 3 different times that this has been going on since I was SIX. I am 44. LOTS of scenarios with lots of structure and no sleep has happened in those 38 years - sleep problem is still there!! She continued to give me all of these superficial remedies to "fix it", instead of listening and going oh, I see you have tried all of those and they did not work. I wanted to hit her.
I know I overreact inside. I KNOW. But I was just wondering if I am the only one?? Is it just because we all know a lot about this world of psychology - and most doctors treat us as if we don't??? I remember screaming at doctors with Matt's issues, because they did not believe me that X medicine could have Y side effect. It just infuriates me. And now I seemed hard wired to not be doubted or minimized in any way shape or form.
Grrrrr..................