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The Watercooler
Do I tell my mom what I think?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 605584" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Tammy, I'm sorry that your mother's behaviour continues to cause you pain. Here are my $0.02 on the matter:</p><p></p><p>You need to think about your reason for wanting to tell your mother about her selfish behaviour. What is motivating you? </p><p></p><p>If you are hoping that your mother will "see the light" and change her ways, then chances are you will not be successful. I doubt that your mother's gone through her entire life behaving this way without at least one (likely more than one) person telling her she's self-centred. Your words will roll off her, and they won't make you feel any better.</p><p></p><p>If, on the other hand, you need to speak your mind and you're willing to deal with the result -- whether it be distance or a rift, or something else -- then it may be the right thing for you to do. If you are going to speak to her, try to plan what you're going to say in advance, even write it down, so that you can speak clearly, calmly and without emotion.</p><p></p><p>My take on your situation is that you're trying to turn the mother you have into the one you wish you had. Many years ago, Marguerite gave me some wonderful advice about mothering myself the way I wished my own mother had done. It helped me more than I could have imagined, and took me a long way toward healing old wounds. Maybe something similar might help you. I'll see if I can find the notes and links, and maybe see if Marg still has them.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, sending you many gentle hugs.</p><p>*Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 605584, member: 3907"] Tammy, I'm sorry that your mother's behaviour continues to cause you pain. Here are my $0.02 on the matter: You need to think about your reason for wanting to tell your mother about her selfish behaviour. What is motivating you? If you are hoping that your mother will "see the light" and change her ways, then chances are you will not be successful. I doubt that your mother's gone through her entire life behaving this way without at least one (likely more than one) person telling her she's self-centred. Your words will roll off her, and they won't make you feel any better. If, on the other hand, you need to speak your mind and you're willing to deal with the result -- whether it be distance or a rift, or something else -- then it may be the right thing for you to do. If you are going to speak to her, try to plan what you're going to say in advance, even write it down, so that you can speak clearly, calmly and without emotion. My take on your situation is that you're trying to turn the mother you have into the one you wish you had. Many years ago, Marguerite gave me some wonderful advice about mothering myself the way I wished my own mother had done. It helped me more than I could have imagined, and took me a long way toward healing old wounds. Maybe something similar might help you. I'll see if I can find the notes and links, and maybe see if Marg still has them. In the meantime, sending you many gentle hugs. *Trinity [/QUOTE]
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Do I tell my mom what I think?
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