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Do I tell my mom what I think?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 605616" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Tammy, you have a compassionate, kind and open heart, no matter how you were raised or what your mother did or didn't do, you turned out quite differently, as you said, "you came up with your own trial and error recipe for success" and you did a wonderful job. I am sure, however you handle this situation with your mother will be the perfect way for you.</p><p></p><p>My own mother was often cruel and cold, she did not create a nurturing nor even safe environment. She lived with me for awhile when her husband died and circumstances arose which put me in a similar position as you find yourself in. I ended up talking to my mother about a lot of stuff, not in a blaming, judgmental way, but in an honest and clear, heart felt way. We both cried. She told me things I had no idea about, things my grandmother had done. In that moment, I understood a lot, it wasn't about me at all, she was simply repeating what was done to her. She apologized. Forgiving her was easy after that. She is who she is. She did the best she could. Expressing all the unsaid things freed us. It was liberating for both of us and changed our relationship. For me communicating worked. For some, it may be the worst possible option. There isn't a formula for right or wrong, it's just about what feels right and what makes sense to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 605616, member: 13542"] Tammy, you have a compassionate, kind and open heart, no matter how you were raised or what your mother did or didn't do, you turned out quite differently, as you said, "you came up with your own trial and error recipe for success" and you did a wonderful job. I am sure, however you handle this situation with your mother will be the perfect way for you. My own mother was often cruel and cold, she did not create a nurturing nor even safe environment. She lived with me for awhile when her husband died and circumstances arose which put me in a similar position as you find yourself in. I ended up talking to my mother about a lot of stuff, not in a blaming, judgmental way, but in an honest and clear, heart felt way. We both cried. She told me things I had no idea about, things my grandmother had done. In that moment, I understood a lot, it wasn't about me at all, she was simply repeating what was done to her. She apologized. Forgiving her was easy after that. She is who she is. She did the best she could. Expressing all the unsaid things freed us. It was liberating for both of us and changed our relationship. For me communicating worked. For some, it may be the worst possible option. There isn't a formula for right or wrong, it's just about what feels right and what makes sense to you. [/QUOTE]
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Do I tell my mom what I think?
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