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The Watercooler
Do I tell my mom what I think?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 605625" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am TOTALLY in IC's corner on this. </p><p></p><p>I also want you to think about a saying I learned in AA: Someone else's opinion of me is none of my business. </p><p></p><p>This is also true of my opinion of someone else.</p><p></p><p>NOTHING good will come of telling your mother your feelings on this. Esp that you think she is selfish or whatever. NOTHING. She just does not have the ability to be different any more than you can breathe underwater. It just is what it is.</p><p></p><p>You CAN change your reactions to her, and the nicey-nice is not the real you. But laying out all your feelings about her isn't helpful either. And whatever you say will be used against you for YEARS if not decades. Think about times in the past where you told her your feelings. She hasn't changed and her reaction won't either.</p><p></p><p>Why not just stop telling her info about the family? Rather than make a big deal, just don't tell her anything. If she asks, THEN tell her to ask them as you don't know what they would or would not tell her. As soon as you do, change the subject. Refuse to be drawn back to that subject. </p><p></p><p>It isn't easy, but it IS helpful. Sometimes if we get out of their way, other people in our family will develop relationships they didn't have before. Or not, but they both stop being dependent on us. It leaves us free to go spend our time and energy on our own passions, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 605625, member: 1233"] I am TOTALLY in IC's corner on this. I also want you to think about a saying I learned in AA: Someone else's opinion of me is none of my business. This is also true of my opinion of someone else. NOTHING good will come of telling your mother your feelings on this. Esp that you think she is selfish or whatever. NOTHING. She just does not have the ability to be different any more than you can breathe underwater. It just is what it is. You CAN change your reactions to her, and the nicey-nice is not the real you. But laying out all your feelings about her isn't helpful either. And whatever you say will be used against you for YEARS if not decades. Think about times in the past where you told her your feelings. She hasn't changed and her reaction won't either. Why not just stop telling her info about the family? Rather than make a big deal, just don't tell her anything. If she asks, THEN tell her to ask them as you don't know what they would or would not tell her. As soon as you do, change the subject. Refuse to be drawn back to that subject. It isn't easy, but it IS helpful. Sometimes if we get out of their way, other people in our family will develop relationships they didn't have before. Or not, but they both stop being dependent on us. It leaves us free to go spend our time and energy on our own passions, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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Do I tell my mom what I think?
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