Do things ever change???

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracy551, Mar 25, 2007.

  1. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    I'm new to this site, just found it this week. By the way, you all are better than any counselor I ever come across.
    My question is with everyones experiences-- Do difficult child's ever become easy child's??? I mean do they ever see your not completely wrong???
    Thanks for the input!!!
  2. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    I have two - my older son (difficult child 2) is slowly getting better. He's still not much fun to be around, but he's not the hard-nosed fight picker that he used to be. Could be an aspie, but we don't know for certain. For him, though, he's about to graduate HS and may be joining the Navy. Both of which will be a big help to him (one will relieve stress, one will give him security). So he's starting to show some signs of improvement.


    My younger son, though, seems to be regressing. The harder we try, the worse he gets. We've only been working through things with him for a year, though, and have at least another year before he's out of school (Kansas won't let you emancipate until 18 or HS grad, whichever comes later). Hopefully, it won't come to that and it'll get better for us all (at least that's what I pray for every night), but I'm expecting a long and drawn-out process before it's all over, regardless of how it ends up.

    :grrr: :rolleyes:

    Does it get better? The best answer I think you'll find here is "Yes it can, but there are no guarantees". In the end, the only guarantee is that you can make it better for yourself. It will only get better for your difficult child once he wants it to get better, and that's a decision that's out of your hands.

    Most people here have a very intimate understanding and relationship with the Serenity Prayer. In the end, that may be the best answer you'll find.

    Grace and peace to you and yours.

  3. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> my sons rough years were pretty much confined between 12 to 16. they reached their peek at 14/15 with-major depression & anxieties by the dozen....lots of ODD behaviors. he did come out of it tho.

    while very intelligent school was never a good venue for him. he'll be taking his GED next month finally & he's looking at college in the fall or spring. he works full time & gets on quite well there. he's cooperative at home....kind, gentle, respectful. i can honestly say my biggest complaint is he won't clean his room.

    we're among the lucky ones. it took time, treatment, & lots of patience. ....and yes, he does still stumble at times.

    i think the one thing that helped him to turn himself around is he's never gotten involved with-drugs or alcohol.

    </span> </span> </span>
  4. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hi there - my son is almost 22 and by his own admission, wishes no contact with us. My story (short version) goes like this:

    2001 - joined CD board during our son's first inpt admission (he was 15). Got expelled from regular school and asked to leave alternative school. Had second admit that summer and was sent to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (6 hours away) - discharged after six weeks and we were told he was behaviorally disordered. Ran away multiple times.

    2002 - Was sent to day treatment school and repeated 9th grade. Ran away multiple times, stole from us, went to juvie, refused medications.

    2003 - Left home in Feb to live on streets. Had little contact with him. Refused medications, quit school.

    2004 - March - moved back home, apologized, started first of many jobs, refused medications - got GED and started community college welding courses (has 13 credits completed).

    2005 - Still living at home, doing pretty well, hanging with wrong crowd, multiple jobs, refused medications.

    2006 - Living at home until July 06 when he had a huge physical fight with his brother and left home again. Got girlfriend pregnant and dumps her the day of the baby's birth.

    2007 - Hasn't been in contact with us since Feb 5, 2007 by his choice. Living with scum friends and their equally scumming mother. His son has chronic asthma (now 4 months old) and has been in hospital. my son will be 22 in June, he works sporadically, doesn't have any contact (or pay any support for) his precious son and basically has a great life (at at least that is what he says) NOT! the end, am unsure if all the medications, counselling, school changes, hospitalizations, jail, fines, drug tests, and love did anything at all. We still love him though very much and would like him to be part of our lives. If and when he is willing,we will be waiting.
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    That's a tough questions, as some get better and some get worse. My difficult child is doing great right now. 20 year old recovering addict, living in a soberhouse, working full time, paying his rent and bills on his own and doing great for today. Notice I say for today, because I have learned it could change at any given moment, but this moment he's doing well :smile:

    There is hope and I think a lot of it comes from experience and maturity. Never give up hope.
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    Yes, Karen - you bring up a very big part of it - we all hope our kids will do well or do better. That is sometimes the only thing we can cling to.
  7. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mikey</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

    In the end, the only guarantee is that you can make it better for yourself. It will only get better for your difficult child once he wants it to get better, and that's a decision that's out of your hands.

    Mikey </div></div>

    Very nicely put, Mikey ~ especially the part about it only getting better for the difficult child when he wants it to get better.

  8. Irene_J

    Irene_J New Member

    Yes, things can change. My difficult child is now in community college and working part-time. At one time, I never thought she would complete high school. But even though I was thrilled and thankful for her successes, I was prepared for the worse. For some difficult children it takes longer than others.

    And you're right about this board. It's better than any psychiatrist's couch!
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I suppose it somewhat would depend on the difficult child.

    I doubt my T will progress much further than he has. My main goal with him at present is for him not to slip back.

    I still consider myself lucky with N. Now that she is stable she is pretty much a easy child. Although I doubt I'll ever truely think of her as one. She'll always be bipolar.

    We can talk rationally these days. I have the daughter I only caught glimpses of before stability. It's really nice. But unstable usually I am the bad guy. Although husband, T, and her b/f are her prime targets for her rage.

    But I find that I am always reminding myself that her stability can slip at any time. I've been working hard this past yr to teach her as much as I can with the psychiatrists help. We're hoping the knowledge and skills she's learning now will help her to maintain stability as an adult. But there are no gaurantees.

    I hope I'll do good with detachment once she's 18. I've been practicing big time with easy child and T. lol Hopefully that will help. I remind myself that the stability can change so that if and when it does I won't be devistated by it.
  10. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    my now 18 was very difficult at 12-16. Drugs, sex, drinking.....violent...........At 17 she began to change and she is quite decent company now.and she listens to me, talks with me, hears me......she has not been out all nite in almost 2 years, now......
    school was a difficult time, partly becuz my dtr was in an ed bd class of all boys, and they victimized her often.....and several of the boys in her ed bd class were convicted of several tens of thousands of dollars vandalism to our house and cars- and for assaulting her.but the school would not seperate her from her abusers- so even now that she has been home 2 years, when I take her anywhere near the school building she goes into a panic attack, and then she disassociates. That seems to really be her only lingering issues at this time.
  11. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    It really depends in my humble opinion on what the "difficult child" issues are.

    If they are drugging...that can take much longer
    If they are just oppositional and defiant....that may resolve itself.
    If they have mental illness and a combo of the above....that's a one-two punch and for me...the results are still out yet.

    What is great is posting on the board and seeing how other families cope with their issues.

  12. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I agrre with what Mikey and Sunny Florida both say. My difficult child son is 22, not involved with drugs, but is ODD, adn I beleive almost Biploar definitely Mood Disorders. It has been a struggle since 4th grade. It was in a school setting he began his problems that then came into our home.

    He has 3 children from and ex fiance and 1 now from his present wife. He tries to be mature, then it all falls apart. Read some of my recent posts. Does it get better, hope so.