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Parent Emeritus
Do we fall out of love with our children?
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 125347" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I'd be more worried if you welcomed him home with open arms and closed eyes. Our kids batter us in so many ways. We're forced to to wear coats of armor, not just to do battle for them but for protection from them. </p><p> </p><p>Once we get a break, whether that be through Residential Treatment Center (RTC), them moving to another family's home, moving out on their own, even kicking them out, we get a chance to breath again. We get a chance to look back and reflect. What could we have done better. How much lies on our child's shoulders. If they come home, what will be different. I think if the answers are (1) there was little more we could do, (2) our child made the choice to the road followed and (3) there is little chance that things will be different, we keep our armor up. We still love our kids. That won't die. We hate what they've done, the choices they've made, the life they're leading. That won't die, either. So, we learn detachment 101 and, sooner or later, we graduate to the point our kids can sound like they are changing but we've detached enough to be more cautious. This, I think, is where you are.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sure if you dig deep enough, all the love you held for him would come bursting out but you don't dare. Give him time. Let him prove he has truly changed, that he is becoming the man you hoped for and that the child you grieved is back in this man and you'll open up. Until then, you need to protect yourself. Even mothers can only take so much pain and disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>HUGS!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 125347, member: 3626"] I'd be more worried if you welcomed him home with open arms and closed eyes. Our kids batter us in so many ways. We're forced to to wear coats of armor, not just to do battle for them but for protection from them. Once we get a break, whether that be through Residential Treatment Center (RTC), them moving to another family's home, moving out on their own, even kicking them out, we get a chance to breath again. We get a chance to look back and reflect. What could we have done better. How much lies on our child's shoulders. If they come home, what will be different. I think if the answers are (1) there was little more we could do, (2) our child made the choice to the road followed and (3) there is little chance that things will be different, we keep our armor up. We still love our kids. That won't die. We hate what they've done, the choices they've made, the life they're leading. That won't die, either. So, we learn detachment 101 and, sooner or later, we graduate to the point our kids can sound like they are changing but we've detached enough to be more cautious. This, I think, is where you are. I'm sure if you dig deep enough, all the love you held for him would come bursting out but you don't dare. Give him time. Let him prove he has truly changed, that he is becoming the man you hoped for and that the child you grieved is back in this man and you'll open up. Until then, you need to protect yourself. Even mothers can only take so much pain and disappointment. HUGS! [/QUOTE]
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Do we fall out of love with our children?
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