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Parent Emeritus
Do we fall out of love with our children?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marcie Mac" data-source="post: 125356" data-attributes="member: 47"><p>Its an interesting dilema, if nothing else. </p><p> </p><p>As "the mom", I think I will forever more be on guard with my eldest. I examine everything that is said, look twice at any action, and wouldn't believe anything that came out of her mouth. I refused to see the signs of gfgness - didn't want to believe that she was even close - the past year and a half that all changed- there was no avoiding it - it was in my face and I was devistated - and our relationship has been perhaps damaged beyond repair. I never thought I would ever say that. I call her once a week or so to see how the gkids are, cause she would never ever call just to say hi, but I am so not emotionally there. Not that I don't love her, but I don't love the toxicity she brings to the table.</p><p> </p><p>As a former difficult child, my relationship with my mother will always be strained. I left home in full difficult child glory at an early age, and over the years turned pretty much easy child after some starts, stops and stalls in the middle. The whole thrust of our problems now is that I moved on, changed my life, and she is stuck exactly where I was when I left home. Our relationship never matured into a "next level"- She obviously still has unresolved issues and hurts (I am only one of a few of those but the only living target left) but you can't even HAVE a conversation with her without those things seeping into it - I have tried to hear her out but the more she goes on the angrier she gets, and I end up losin it. Besides "I" am certainly not the one to tell her at 85 she needs some serious therapy. </p><p> </p><p>I think what is missing is a gradual progression of a relationship between a parent and a child - there is a big old gap in the middle when one person has been missing in action, and it is sooo hard to bridge that gap and now you have one person who is moving on, and the other one is stuck, not believing that anything has changed.</p><p> </p><p>Its a difficult place to be in Barb (even more when you are in both situations LOL)</p><p> </p><p>Marcie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marcie Mac, post: 125356, member: 47"] Its an interesting dilema, if nothing else. As "the mom", I think I will forever more be on guard with my eldest. I examine everything that is said, look twice at any action, and wouldn't believe anything that came out of her mouth. I refused to see the signs of gfgness - didn't want to believe that she was even close - the past year and a half that all changed- there was no avoiding it - it was in my face and I was devistated - and our relationship has been perhaps damaged beyond repair. I never thought I would ever say that. I call her once a week or so to see how the gkids are, cause she would never ever call just to say hi, but I am so not emotionally there. Not that I don't love her, but I don't love the toxicity she brings to the table. As a former difficult child, my relationship with my mother will always be strained. I left home in full difficult child glory at an early age, and over the years turned pretty much easy child after some starts, stops and stalls in the middle. The whole thrust of our problems now is that I moved on, changed my life, and she is stuck exactly where I was when I left home. Our relationship never matured into a "next level"- She obviously still has unresolved issues and hurts (I am only one of a few of those but the only living target left) but you can't even HAVE a conversation with her without those things seeping into it - I have tried to hear her out but the more she goes on the angrier she gets, and I end up losin it. Besides "I" am certainly not the one to tell her at 85 she needs some serious therapy. I think what is missing is a gradual progression of a relationship between a parent and a child - there is a big old gap in the middle when one person has been missing in action, and it is sooo hard to bridge that gap and now you have one person who is moving on, and the other one is stuck, not believing that anything has changed. Its a difficult place to be in Barb (even more when you are in both situations LOL) Marcie [/QUOTE]
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