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Do we fall out of love with our children?
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<blockquote data-quote="totoro" data-source="post: 125644" data-attributes="member: 3155"><p>SOC~</p><p>As a Detached daughter! I had to over a long time, much like the parents here and maybe myself one day (I truly hope not) fill the space, the void with other things. I learned become less angry, fearful.</p><p>It started for me as an infant... he was in prison when I was born, for heroin. He was a drug addict and dealer most of my life. He was mentally abusive to me from the time I new him up to 5 yo... he disappeared. I met him again, he was supposed to "save" me from the physical abuse from my adopted Dad. At 13 yo. He did not this went on again for a few more years until I was able to really walk away.</p><p>But it took until around 21. I was able to say goodbye for good. </p><p></p><p>So since then I have seen him a handful of times. It is hard. I saw him the last time when I was pregnant with K, I made promises again... a let down. </p><p></p><p>Now this past year.... much like your story, he is coming back into my life, He promises he has changed. </p><p>He says he wants to be a part of my life and my children's. </p><p>He says he wants nothing more. I am making him do all of the work I am offering nothing, I am not offering my heart, I am remaining detached. It is some how so much easier this time. </p><p>I don't know if it is the same as with kids? This is my Father, that is your child. I don't have this feeling like I need him... I have a cautious guard. I will not let him in too far. I will not let him know too much. I will not let him meet my children. He will have to sit with me first and my husband will have to OK this first. He can not send them presents. </p><p></p><p>I think what you are doing is great!!! Others may not agree, others who have never walked in our shoes... people have said to me how can you turn your own Father away... how could I not??? </p><p></p><p>Detach!!!! Way to go!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="totoro, post: 125644, member: 3155"] SOC~ As a Detached daughter! I had to over a long time, much like the parents here and maybe myself one day (I truly hope not) fill the space, the void with other things. I learned become less angry, fearful. It started for me as an infant... he was in prison when I was born, for heroin. He was a drug addict and dealer most of my life. He was mentally abusive to me from the time I new him up to 5 yo... he disappeared. I met him again, he was supposed to "save" me from the physical abuse from my adopted Dad. At 13 yo. He did not this went on again for a few more years until I was able to really walk away. But it took until around 21. I was able to say goodbye for good. So since then I have seen him a handful of times. It is hard. I saw him the last time when I was pregnant with K, I made promises again... a let down. Now this past year.... much like your story, he is coming back into my life, He promises he has changed. He says he wants to be a part of my life and my children's. He says he wants nothing more. I am making him do all of the work I am offering nothing, I am not offering my heart, I am remaining detached. It is some how so much easier this time. I don't know if it is the same as with kids? This is my Father, that is your child. I don't have this feeling like I need him... I have a cautious guard. I will not let him in too far. I will not let him know too much. I will not let him meet my children. He will have to sit with me first and my husband will have to OK this first. He can not send them presents. I think what you are doing is great!!! Others may not agree, others who have never walked in our shoes... people have said to me how can you turn your own Father away... how could I not??? Detach!!!! Way to go!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Do we fall out of love with our children?
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