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Do we fall out of love with our children?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 127299" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>The key to that was we were <strong>both</strong> at a point where we were ready to reconnect. We didn't have any history to build/rebuild, so we had to find common ground on who we were at that time. That's why the relationship didn't turn out to be "father/son". It could <u>never</u> be that, because the necessary history wasn't there for that type of relationship. Nevertheless, we still formed a worthwhile bond between adults.</p><p></p><p>Kind of goes back to the post by Ant'sMom about parents grieving over the "child that was never there". Dad and I had to get to a point where those ghosts in BOTH our pasts didn't overshadow our ability to see each other in a more realistic light. It took time and distance, but it did happen. I also had to realize that he had his own reasons for his actions; some I understand, some I don't, but I accept that they're valid to him, and that's all that's needed.</p><p></p><p>I truly hope that if McWeedy departs into the wild blue yonder, and if he survives it long enough, that one day we'll meet again when cooler heads can prevail and form some kind of meaningful bond. Right now, though, given the state of the cold war in our household, I don't see that happening any time soon - not till he moves out, finds his own path, and then decides that there's something worth coming back to. </p><p></p><p>If/when that happens, I'll do with him what I did with my Dad; see what's there (in both of us), and see if there's anything to either salvage or build on that we can both agree on. My love for him will always be there, but when that time comes, there will have to be something more than one-sided affection for a relationship to blossom.</p><p></p><p>That's my hope, anyway. It happened once, maybe lightening will strike in the same place again (just not anytime soon <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/sad-very.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sad-very:" title="sad-very :sad-very:" data-shortname=":sad-very:" />).</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 127299, member: 3579"] The key to that was we were [B]both[/B] at a point where we were ready to reconnect. We didn't have any history to build/rebuild, so we had to find common ground on who we were at that time. That's why the relationship didn't turn out to be "father/son". It could [U]never[/U] be that, because the necessary history wasn't there for that type of relationship. Nevertheless, we still formed a worthwhile bond between adults. Kind of goes back to the post by Ant'sMom about parents grieving over the "child that was never there". Dad and I had to get to a point where those ghosts in BOTH our pasts didn't overshadow our ability to see each other in a more realistic light. It took time and distance, but it did happen. I also had to realize that he had his own reasons for his actions; some I understand, some I don't, but I accept that they're valid to him, and that's all that's needed. I truly hope that if McWeedy departs into the wild blue yonder, and if he survives it long enough, that one day we'll meet again when cooler heads can prevail and form some kind of meaningful bond. Right now, though, given the state of the cold war in our household, I don't see that happening any time soon - not till he moves out, finds his own path, and then decides that there's something worth coming back to. If/when that happens, I'll do with him what I did with my Dad; see what's there (in both of us), and see if there's anything to either salvage or build on that we can both agree on. My love for him will always be there, but when that time comes, there will have to be something more than one-sided affection for a relationship to blossom. That's my hope, anyway. It happened once, maybe lightening will strike in the same place again (just not anytime soon :2sad:). Mikey [/QUOTE]
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Do we fall out of love with our children?
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