do ya'll get embarassed?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by catsforme, Feb 7, 2007.

  1. catsforme

    catsforme New Member

    I work in the district where my kids go to school. I am an aide in Content Mastery, or as we call it, the learning lab. No one here knows my oldest child at my elementary school where I work, because we are new to the district. Only a few "need to know" staff are aware he has an IEP. Anyways, I had an IEP meeting today and had to leave the campus and some other aides asked me where I was going and I know I sounded nervous and said I had to go meet with the jr. high principal but I admitted later I had an IEp and I just felt stupid. For one like she must think I was lying (even though the meeting was including the principal) and then later to admit that yes, I had an IEP. I just get nervous telling people, wonder if they will think less of me, and fill like I am always being "shady" or unclear when really I am just not able to be professional about my own child and his status.
    Anyone else feel my pain???
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I understand where you are coming from, and agree most things should be need-to-know to protect your child's privacy. However, I would suggest you try not to be embarrassed by needing an IEP. It would be far more embarrassing to neglect your child's needs to save face.
    You and your family have nothing to be ashamed of. :warrior:
     
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    There could be many reasons for needing an IEP. But I do understand the embarrassment - when you live in the same very small town that your child goes to school, when you know where everybody lives and they know where you live, it's very hard to keep private things private.

    My line that we used to use for all sorts of things - "We have an appointment." This covers everything from needing new glasses to seeing the dentist, to an audition (for easy child 2/difficult child 2) to my own psychiatrist appointments (no way was I sharing THAT juicy bit of gossip!). Even when I had to attend difficult child 1's school to discuss his suspension, I told difficult child 3's school, "I have an appointment this morning."

    Anyone asking any more - "Sorry, I've got to rush or I'll be late."

    In our situation, sharing ANY information leads to EVERYBODY knowing, including people who abuse the information. As a result, I share very little in person even with best friends. It's too easy for friends to be 'pumped' for information and innocently divulge something that a more malicious third party can manipulate. If friends don't know the information, they can't accidentally say anything that could be abused.
    Example: I was working on a quarterly publication which had just gone to the printers. This mean that my boss had taken a short holiday and my workload had been cut back for a couple of weeks until the next publication was ready to work on. I innocently mentioned this to someone at church. She was a nice person who clearly thought as little of this information as did I. Her next stop was to meet with friends at the local coffee shop. The next gossip I heard, two days later, had come via three other people - I was about to lose my job. And by this time, everyone in town had been told this. I had people commiserating with me. When I discreetly asked my friend who she had seen in the coffee shop, she told me. She also mentioned a former friend of mine who had seemed so solicitous of my welfare in his questions. My friend, a total innocent, had told him everything he asked.
    So now I don't tell nobody nuttin'. Unless I WANT to track gossip, when it can be very interesting.

    Marg
     
  4. judi

    judi Active Member

    I too am a share on a need to know basis. My son has been acting out for many years now and I am somewhat (unfortunately) an expert at this. For instance, when the police call me at work (I was a staff RN in the ER), I would say there was a family emergency, when the school called, I would say that I had to go take care of one of the kids...you get the general idea. Nope, never said the truth, even when difficult child was inpatient and I had frequent meetings. It was no one's business..
     
  5. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    while there's nothing wrong with the "need to know" -

    There is also nothing "wrong" with having an IEP. It doesn't mean your child is stupid, or sick, or lazy, or anything negative. My youngest, who has a very high IQ, had an IEP for his first several years because of speech therapy, and could have one now if I pushed for it because of the ADD (we have some accomodations in place, we've just not gone the 504 or IEP route).

    My husband suggested to his ex that his oldest should have an IEP because of problems she was having, and his ex stated "she's not dumb, those are for dumb kids". Needless to say, that did NOT go over well with me!!!
     
  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    don't feel embarrassed.......if the shoe were on the other foot would you think bad things about a colleague whose kid had an IEP? there is nothing shameful there. ALtho, no, I would not braodcast it, either.
    I worked in mental health here-----worked with dementias....also provided respite on the side........at the same time as I was using the same services. and I was a group leader for a support group for people with ptsd. Our town is small, our county is small, and I was employed by the county at same time I recieved services thru the county, via the same agencies I worked within.
    I held my head high and proud. My husband and children came by their disabilities and issues innocently. My patients and clients came by theirs innocently. ANd I sat side by side in church with many of the care providers for my family and with many of my clients and patients and their families......
    ANd yes, I was also a care provider for some family members of some of the professionals we also had taking care of my husband and kids.
    Hold your head high. People are people, everyone has some need or another.....and everyone has a niche in life.....whether you are a client or a provider or both......everyone is human. SOmething else to remember -- well what comes to MY mind? Yeah I am a nurse, but I am not my kids nurse or my dhs nurse. I am my kids MOM and my dhs WIFE. It starts to get complicated when you try to wear too many hats at one time in one situation. Our role in peoples lives CAN complicate things. I would not be a good nurse for my husband, I am far too busy being his wife. I would be a lousey mom to my patients cuz I would be too busy being their NURSE.
    SO your kid has an IEP and you are a content mastery aide. Hold your head up.
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I teach in the district difficult child attends school and husband teaches at the school difficult child is at. Many of my colleagues know what's up with difficult child-a few I don't want to know have an inkling but no clear idea of what is up. Please don't feel bad about the IEP. You are an advocate for your child and providing what he needs. Hugs to you. :warrior:
     
  8. ROE

    ROE New Member

    I work in the central office of the school district my difficult child attends. Unfortunately, I have had many, many calls and emails and meetings regarding my difficult child. As a matter of fact, the AP called me again today. Sigh. For the most part, I've gotten over feeling embarrassed by my son's behavior. I just deal with it the best that I can. I know there is "talk" but I don't let it get to me much. I've usually got bigger things to worry about. But I do admit that I look forward to the day when I don't cringe every time I see a number from difficult child's school come up on the caller i.d. at my desk. lol.

    Don't be embarassed that your child has an IEP. Your co-workers at the District should be especially understanding working in a school setting (although I've met a few that aren't). It's really none of their business anyway and it's not their place to pass judgment. Taking care of your child's needs is what matters most.
     
  9. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    actually I would find it sad for anyone in school to judge a parent on their child having an IEP.......if they think it is something to be ashamed of, how do they effectively follow any IEPs for any of the students?
     
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Very little bothers me anymore. In our case, sharing the tweedles deficits & issues has helped getting services in school & out.

    While I don't see the need for your coworkers to be in on the particulars of your meeting, there isn't any reason to hide the fact that you are attending an IEP for your child.

    Having said that we all have our own feelings on this type of thing. Do what is best for you & yours.
     
  11. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    It is certainly your personal choice with whom, and how much, you want to share information about your child's education. IEP, or othewise.

    I'm fairly open about my difficult children with those I work with. Mainly, because if it needs to be a secret, or something to feel shameful about, then there is a sigma attached. It's not something I look to break, but if an opportunity opens up where I can share my situation with teachers (some are so suprised when they know my difficult children are on medications and have had educational difficulties) and let them see that even "good" Moms have challenging kids.

    As for other situations, like Daughter's therapy appointment, it's called a "dr's appointment". Or, I have "a meeting". I don't go into details, and people don't ask.

    You do not owe them any details.
     
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I didnt get embarrassed over IEPs but I did get embarrassed over some things. When I worked at Social Services and Cory was at his worst I had gone to some of the social workers and begged them for help...even if they could do no more than give me ideas or pointers. No one did anything but shake their heads and talk about how services arent available and blah blah blah. They acted to my face like they felt so badly but then they went behind my back and reported that they suspected abuse!

    Then one day I had to sit in a meeting with all these lovely ladies while they sat around talking about their easy child kids and what they were doing ...getting ready for prom, their good grades, graduations, new cars, college admissions, etc. Some fool had the complete stupidity to ask me how my son was doing...and I laid it out there...how I was so excited to have had the joy of seeing my son in shackles as he was led off to juvy, how he had been arrested for possession, etc...I laid it on thick...there was dead silence.
     
  13. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Sometimes I feel hurt because the other kids get to play, have friends, do housework, soccer practises, birthday parties, ect... What do my kids do? visitations, doctor appointments, therapy appointments, days spent in timeout. Last time difficult child 1 wanted to play with someone the whole family had to go over to the friends house because difficult child 1 was melting down at the drop of a hat. I had to be there to drag him back home if it didn't go well and the babies had to be there because I was there. husband was at work. The friends mom has a difficult child so she understood. difficult child doesn't get to play with friends much. The one time we tried a class for difficult child 1 ex undermined it. It was karate. Ex told difficult child 1 he'd go to h--- for hitting. difficult child 1 stood by the wall and cried the whole first lesson. We didn't go back. I'm getting mad just thinking about this.
     
  14. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I tell you what I understand about not wanting to share too much info. I have certain people that know things and others that I just don't say anything to about it. Not just peope at work but in family too. I have given out tidbits of this or that and I will hear the phrases oh that can't happen (makes me laugh to think about that) because people can be oblivious to how things really are. Even those that should be understanding. Do what you need to do and just know you are doing it because you care and are doing the right things. Doesn't matter what the others think because they are not the important ones in this situation. You and your family are. My difficult child 2's last Iep was supposed to be in September and I had to fight and nag etc the whole time and we finally had it in December. But the only people that new about this were husband, Social worker and his placement.

    Beth
     
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