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Parent Emeritus
Do you all ever think there will come a time that we don't deal with all this drama anymore?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 677977" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Penny, </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I used to wonder about this all the time too and I could not fathom either living like I was living for the rest of my life. It was almost intolerable and it was 100 percent miserable. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think this is what ultimately drives most of us to learn how to live in a whole new way. We can't live like this because it hurts too much and it is miserable. Finally, we are motivated to learn new ways of thinking and behaving (note I didn't say feeling) and we start to work hard for change. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree with SWOT who said the less said the better. I also understand your need to "tell it like it is" every now and then. What I finally got to was setting strong boundaries and even today, when Difficult Child is so much better (working, paying most of his bills, staying out of jail, not using), I still need boundaries with him. </p><p></p><p>I try to say as little as possible and let him deal with the consequences of his own behavior and actions. That's still hard to do, and sometimes I get too involved as well. It's going to be a lifelong learning experience. </p><p></p><p>Penny, I do believe that my stepping away and back has been a factor in his ability to start rebuilding his life. As long as I was overly engaged with him (seeing him often, responding to his calls, emails, drama, texts, etc.), he was distracted from learning how to stand on his own two feet and start dealing with life on life's terms. </p><p></p><p>The more you can disengage, the more he will have a chance to change. It's certainly not guaranteed that he will change, but he will have a better chance. </p><p></p><p>I think it's also about separating ourselves from our grown children and recognizing that their life is their life and our life is our life. We have to let them have their life whatever it looks like. That is much easier to do when they are not living in our homes and we are not supporting them. </p><p></p><p>I truly like to go at least a week without talking to Difficult Child. That means he is dealing with his own life. </p><p></p><p>This stuff is really hard and I so understand your feelings. Hang in there! We care about you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 677977, member: 17542"] Hi Penny, I used to wonder about this all the time too and I could not fathom either living like I was living for the rest of my life. It was almost intolerable and it was 100 percent miserable. I think this is what ultimately drives most of us to learn how to live in a whole new way. We can't live like this because it hurts too much and it is miserable. Finally, we are motivated to learn new ways of thinking and behaving (note I didn't say feeling) and we start to work hard for change. I agree with SWOT who said the less said the better. I also understand your need to "tell it like it is" every now and then. What I finally got to was setting strong boundaries and even today, when Difficult Child is so much better (working, paying most of his bills, staying out of jail, not using), I still need boundaries with him. I try to say as little as possible and let him deal with the consequences of his own behavior and actions. That's still hard to do, and sometimes I get too involved as well. It's going to be a lifelong learning experience. Penny, I do believe that my stepping away and back has been a factor in his ability to start rebuilding his life. As long as I was overly engaged with him (seeing him often, responding to his calls, emails, drama, texts, etc.), he was distracted from learning how to stand on his own two feet and start dealing with life on life's terms. The more you can disengage, the more he will have a chance to change. It's certainly not guaranteed that he will change, but he will have a better chance. I think it's also about separating ourselves from our grown children and recognizing that their life is their life and our life is our life. We have to let them have their life whatever it looks like. That is much easier to do when they are not living in our homes and we are not supporting them. I truly like to go at least a week without talking to Difficult Child. That means he is dealing with his own life. This stuff is really hard and I so understand your feelings. Hang in there! We care about you. [/QUOTE]
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Do you all ever think there will come a time that we don't deal with all this drama anymore?
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