Do you and husband/so argue?

[hearts and roses]

H and I do not fight regularly, though we have fought about some pretty intense matters. However, that said, we do not do any of that name calling, belittling business. H will occasionally dredge up old stuff, but I don't. We learned fair fighting from an old therapist, though unfair fighting was never a really big issue.

We do talk a lot about everything! We bicker over stupid stuff, and we will have very heated discussions about politics and social issues but that's really it. Of course, difficult child and easy child think we are fighting...they don't get real life yet, lol.

I agree with IC...I think it's weird to never argue or disagree or even have a good let it all out fight once in a great while, but that's just me.

 

[DammitJanet]

I guess I am the lone wolf. Tony and I are a very strange exception to most rules of all laws of nature. We moved in together the same night we met. We have never lived apart since that night. Oh he has worked out of town but we have never actually lived at different addresses.

We have almost nothing in common. Nothing. He was born poor as a church mouse in the backwoods country in the rural south. I was born in Richmond Va and always lived in a home where I wanted for nothing and my parents both came from Boston so I also had a whole lot of Yankee blood in me. I was a city mouse. He loved hunting, fishing and everything outdoors. I hated it. I loved big cities, concerts, musicals, books, and travel. The only thing we both did like was carnivals. He liked the beach and I only liked pools. Most of this stuff is still this way. It would kill him to read a book. I have brought him around to concerts. He now likes to travel. I still wont go camping unless our tent is a Motel 6. We did find out we were both huge fans of football and we had a favorite team in common.

As far as back then, the sex pretty much just made all that inconsequential however it had to come out sometime when sex got old...lol. When the kids came along and we were nothing but a pair of parents, well then we had that job and we put it all into that. We did work together fairly well. We just ignored our issues. We didnt much like each other much during that time I dont think. We just soldiered on. Of course all this had to come to a head at sometime. It did when we were starting to become empty nesters and our jobs started to end. It left us as just the two of us and we didnt have much in common. He didnt want me going out fishing or hunting with him because he had his own set of friends. I had absolutely nothing to do because the things I like to do are no where around here. He always says he isnt stopping me from going out and having friends and doing things but because of where we live, he really has stopped me. We go to the occasional concert that we can afford but I cant do that every week. He tells me to go find bingo games. Huh? Im not 80 and I dont particularly like bingo. Then he suggested I join a club for people who crochet. Okay, can you imagine who those people would be? Plus I am not very good at it so I would be around a bunch of senior citizens who crochet well. I dont even know if we have those clubs. If we do they are at the senior center and I doubt I would be eligible to join. So I stay home and my feelings fester because he can not only go out and work now when I cant but he can go out on the weekends to play and leave me home again. When he is home, we hardly talk at all because he is only home and awake 2 hours a night and maybe 16 hours on the weekends if I am lucky and he doesnt go hunting or fishing. He goes to bed early and gets up early. I cant do that. Now that Buck is here, he talks to him so much more than me because they have much more in common than we do. They always talk about how wonderful their childhood was and what saints their parents were when I know different from other people. I know people rewrite history in their minds especially when parents are dead. That whole we cant speak ill of the dead think. I have to sit there and listen to this because I cant compare to a ghost. So where I used to get maybe an hour and a half of Tony's time in the evenings before he went to bed, Im lucky now if I get 15 minutes and that is normally spent arguing about Buck.

Right now I am furious because I found out Tony gave Buck a dremel tool that belonged to my mother so he could make these pipes that most people are going to use to smoke pot out of but Buck claims they are just Indian art. I had no idea he gave him my dremel because we had two of them. Ends up Tony had loaned his out about two years ago to someone else and he hasnt got it back yet so he gave Buck mine. He never asked me if he could. I would have said no because it is very old and the parts are old. So far Buck has already broken several of the little heads. The last one he has he has fixed with glue. When he went on this last trip he claims all his tools were stolen and I am afraid my dremel was in there. I have asked him to see my dremel ever since he came back here. So far he hasnt shown it to me and I have told Tony that I want to see it so that there wont be hard feelings. Tony has agreed but then nothing gets done. Buck supposedly went through all his stuff to look for his birth certificate and didnt pull out the dremel for me. Why? It makes no sense. I told Tony last night that if I dont see it today I am telling Buck I am going to press charges for him stealing my dremel. Tony backed me up on pressing charges against our own son so why not Buck? Isnt it the same thing? Oh he is mad at me.

We argue constantly. From the time Tony gets home until he goes to bed. About TV channels, food, just anything. And there is one person behind it.

 

[1905]

Janet that stinks. You're not the only one who fights with husband. My husband is this manly man type who believes woman need to stay in the kitchen and do everything in the house. That would be nice, but then wouldn't that mean he works and I don't? So I do get mad at him for not helping me. Now that the kids are gone, it's easier because they were my "job". He didn't take an interest in homework, dr. appointment's....he can't understand it, his dad left his mom when he was 4 and his mom did EVERYTHING so that's what he thinks a woman does. But his mom was mentally ill and never fed them or washed clothes...they stole cigs to sell so they could buy cake and that was dinner.

In our house we love each other and I have a lot of outside interests, he doesn't. He would rather me be at home for no reason and that is a fight usually because I am active and do things, but alone usually.I love some alone time so I'm happy. I just ignore that part of him, so do the kids. They all come to me when they want to tell me something awesome or have a problem. Nothing is a bad problem, we can work it out. I feel bad for the man because he gets so much respect at work but none here, he just thinks he's some grand poo-bah. That's just his personality. I decided to marry him when I was 15. It was worth it because I wouldn't have my kids.

I don't mean I always ignore him, but I only respond to kindness. I do feel like I'm his mommy or his nurse. We do both have a lot in common. We both have a sick sense of humor and we laugh a lot. This may sound strange but we curse a lot...every other word out of our mouths is the F word, nobody would guess this about me, him maybe, (and the kids too). We are alike in so many ways and I love him to death. We fight but make up in 2 seconds, we curse but it means nothing and we laugh. The dynamics are what they are, it's both of us, I don't want to paint him as a bad guy.

 

[Bunny]

I'm not really sure how to answer this question. I can recall husband and I only having one or two screaming fights. I tried to talk to him about things early in our marriage, but it never really got me anywhere. My feelings were my feelings and I had to learn to deal with them. They apparently didn't matter that much to him. When husband knows that I'm angry or upset with him he just ignores me. I've tried many times to get him to understand things from my prespective, but to no avail. Very little gets accomplished and even less changes.

I have wondered many times what life will be like for us once the kids are grown and don't need us anymore the way that they now.