Do you avoid others to avoid talking about difficult child?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tinamarie1, Oct 5, 2013.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    It's exhausting when everyone you know asks you constantly "how is difficult child?" Every week my mom, sister, mother in law, friends, neighbors... They all ask me this. It's depressing. Do they expect one day for me to say...yep we did absolutely nothing and HE'S CURED!!! I am getting to the point where I just avoid people.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes I did for a long time. I would go out of my way to make sure I didn't run into anyone who might ask. My family stopped asking after awhile. In a way that was even worse.
  3. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I don't know what's worse... Them not asking, or asking every time we speak. I just texted my mom and told her to please stop asking, I will let everyone know if there's a change.
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I know what you mean. And it's such a loaded question and I always felt I needed the perfect answer. An answer that wouldn't invite details, an answer that didn't make too much or too little of the situation, an answer that didn't get read into...

    so I am still usually vague. So : "How are is difficult child?" Usually received "holding his own" or "we're in a holding pattern" or "still sowing his wild oats..."

    when people (usually my mom) pressed for details and wanted to speculate and that really wasn't welcome or helpful. So I found that I could nip it in the bud by saying something like "you know we're just taking it day by day and I work really hard to make sure my imagination doesn't run away with me. Things could certainly be a lot better but I have to remember they could be a lot for now, it is what it is."

    i hope you find some balance. I know how hard it is. {{{hugs}}}
  5. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    It depends. A lot of times I say he's struggling, and change the subject.

    There are a lot of people out there who will never understand what we have gone through, despite our best efforts...
  6. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Absolutely. Every day. :(
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Even when difficult child is doing well, I avoid it.

    . There IS nothing to talk about... except, maybe, with the parent of another difficult child.
  8. SquirrelBait

    SquirrelBait New Member

    nope, not at all. I try to get them to keep him for a night so I can sleep with both eyes shut
  9. onlyone

    onlyone New Member

    Yes- I totally understand. husband and I just visited his 86 year old aunt today. She asked how ghg was doing. She really had no idea (or had forgotten) and wanted to know. It broke my heart- but we told her we were doing all we could, but our 28 yr old ghg is still struggling. We told her we do what we can, but some of what we have done in the past has just been enabling, so we are just trying to be there when she is ready to make a change for recovery.
    It is so hard- I actually think this lovely older lady had more empathy for us than most people who ask- she knows from her life experience that one can't 'make' someone change or make the right decisions in their life.
    It sometimes seems some people thrive on telling us about how successful their kids are, how well they are doing. Only parents of other ghg's know and understand that despite our best efforts, our children follow their own paths .......
    Sometimes I just say- 'GHG is struggling' or 'She has some issues right now' and leave it at that. Not many ask further questions.
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hmmm I actually like it when good friends ask me about difficult child.... because I feel like I am such a broken record with so much bad news about him that I feel like I am boring.... so it feels good when people care enough to ask!

    And I am in general pretty open although it depends a lot on who is doing the asking. To some I just say he is still struggling but dont go into details.

    I recently came up with a line that I have not actually used, without finally telling them the real story but...

    the story is "He is studying criminal justice at X (the local community college which happens to be the same name as our county) and he is living with a bunch of guys in Y (the name of the town the jail is located in).

    So yes he is in jail and some in the know will laugh when I give them this explanation which is the truth .... of sorts.