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Do you ever feel .... m
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 433193" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Oh, thanks for your honesty, sosotired. I can recognise all that... especially the wanting to fade into the woodwork, smooth everything over, stay under the radar. </p><p>Last weekend we stayed with a friend, who had some really encouraging things to say about my son... it made me realise how rarely I get this kind of perspective on him from the outside. And not getting it from the outside, it's so very hard (being human) to generate it from the inside, for oneself. What's the answer? How, as you say, does one realign one's thinking? Something that has worked TO SOME EXTENT for me is a determination to have fun with my child, to the extent that that's possible, to enjoy times with him - this allows me to destress (to some extent!), to not take things so seriously, not get into heavy-duty battles so much, to introduce some humour (to which he is always very responsive). Having only one child to think of makes this easier of course. I realise that a real trigger for me is being in public, those times when my son acts up in public or refuses to listen to me when I am being watched (or feel I am being watched) by a critical audience. That's my next thing to work on... keeping my calm and sense of humour in THOSE circumstances rather than getting all riled-up and furious with him. Something to do with detaching from him??</p><p>Having a difficult child is so hard. I don't know how anyone does it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 433193, member: 11227"] Oh, thanks for your honesty, sosotired. I can recognise all that... especially the wanting to fade into the woodwork, smooth everything over, stay under the radar. Last weekend we stayed with a friend, who had some really encouraging things to say about my son... it made me realise how rarely I get this kind of perspective on him from the outside. And not getting it from the outside, it's so very hard (being human) to generate it from the inside, for oneself. What's the answer? How, as you say, does one realign one's thinking? Something that has worked TO SOME EXTENT for me is a determination to have fun with my child, to the extent that that's possible, to enjoy times with him - this allows me to destress (to some extent!), to not take things so seriously, not get into heavy-duty battles so much, to introduce some humour (to which he is always very responsive). Having only one child to think of makes this easier of course. I realise that a real trigger for me is being in public, those times when my son acts up in public or refuses to listen to me when I am being watched (or feel I am being watched) by a critical audience. That's my next thing to work on... keeping my calm and sense of humour in THOSE circumstances rather than getting all riled-up and furious with him. Something to do with detaching from him?? Having a difficult child is so hard. I don't know how anyone does it :-) [/QUOTE]
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