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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 433224" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>You're going through a rough patch. ((((HUGS)))) been there done that It can get so difficult at times especially when we feel we have no control, or the therapies aren't working, or nothing is working. BUT there are always bright sides, the small joys, the 'interesting' ways our children's brains work, their unique gifts and talents. Yeah, sometimes you have to look really, really, really hard to find them, but they are there.</p><p></p><p>One tip parents in my support group (BFOCASD - last I heard they were going national) was to have a "business card" explaining Autism (in your case specifically Asperger's) which they would hand out to ppl who were staring while their child had a "meltdown" in public. I never had to do this, but only after hearing that other parents did do it, did I feel empowered enough to say to ppl, "He's autistic, I'm not quite sure what just set him off, he's a puzzle that changes everyday." No precursor of an apology, no apology at the end. What on earth do I have to apologize for? That my son has a disability? Ah, NO. Of course, if he does some actual damage there is always an apology for that, but I have found the strength to NEVER apologize for the disability itself or any difficulties it may cause.</p><p></p><p>You can also now 'advertise' his disability without being so obvious. Autism has one of those 'cause ribbons' that have gotten so popular - it has a myriad of colors in - puzzle pieces. First time I saw it I thought it was brilliant - puzzle pieces, yeah, that's exactly what son is - a puzzle. Wear it, carry it, display it. Those with half a brain will make a connection, those that don't - well, they probably wouldn't 'get it' if you explained for hours, so what does their opinion matter anyway?</p><p></p><p>Long before I ever even thought of having children, I was touched by an essay I saw printed in a Dear Abby column. <a href="http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html" target="_blank">http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html</a> This stuck with me all those years. Unfortunately, with difficult children of any kind, it's not as simple as getting off the plane and ending up in Holland - for a long time we are led to believe that we are actually in Italy. Too often ppl blame us for ending up in Holland, sometimes we end up blaming ourselves too. And really, we're not even in Holland, because Holland has a "well defined" 'tourist trade' We're actually some place more obscure like Lithuania which is beautiful, and rich in culture, but you might have to "look harder" to find all the interesting wonders.</p><p></p><p>So, you're going through a rough patch. There is no easy way to turn your thinking around, but the fact that you recognized it and want to change it, is a good start. So start by empowering yourself. I've found the Serenity Prayer to be a great template for sorting and finding strength: Grant me the <strong>strength</strong> to <strong>change</strong> the things that I <strong>can</strong>, <strong>accept</strong> the things that I <strong>can't</strong> and the <strong>wisdom</strong> to know the <strong>difference</strong>.</p><p></p><p></p><p>((((HUGS))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 433224, member: 11965"] You're going through a rough patch. ((((HUGS)))) been there done that It can get so difficult at times especially when we feel we have no control, or the therapies aren't working, or nothing is working. BUT there are always bright sides, the small joys, the 'interesting' ways our children's brains work, their unique gifts and talents. Yeah, sometimes you have to look really, really, really hard to find them, but they are there. One tip parents in my support group (BFOCASD - last I heard they were going national) was to have a "business card" explaining Autism (in your case specifically Asperger's) which they would hand out to ppl who were staring while their child had a "meltdown" in public. I never had to do this, but only after hearing that other parents did do it, did I feel empowered enough to say to ppl, "He's autistic, I'm not quite sure what just set him off, he's a puzzle that changes everyday." No precursor of an apology, no apology at the end. What on earth do I have to apologize for? That my son has a disability? Ah, NO. Of course, if he does some actual damage there is always an apology for that, but I have found the strength to NEVER apologize for the disability itself or any difficulties it may cause. You can also now 'advertise' his disability without being so obvious. Autism has one of those 'cause ribbons' that have gotten so popular - it has a myriad of colors in - puzzle pieces. First time I saw it I thought it was brilliant - puzzle pieces, yeah, that's exactly what son is - a puzzle. Wear it, carry it, display it. Those with half a brain will make a connection, those that don't - well, they probably wouldn't 'get it' if you explained for hours, so what does their opinion matter anyway? Long before I ever even thought of having children, I was touched by an essay I saw printed in a Dear Abby column. [URL]http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html[/URL] This stuck with me all those years. Unfortunately, with difficult children of any kind, it's not as simple as getting off the plane and ending up in Holland - for a long time we are led to believe that we are actually in Italy. Too often ppl blame us for ending up in Holland, sometimes we end up blaming ourselves too. And really, we're not even in Holland, because Holland has a "well defined" 'tourist trade' We're actually some place more obscure like Lithuania which is beautiful, and rich in culture, but you might have to "look harder" to find all the interesting wonders. So, you're going through a rough patch. There is no easy way to turn your thinking around, but the fact that you recognized it and want to change it, is a good start. So start by empowering yourself. I've found the Serenity Prayer to be a great template for sorting and finding strength: Grant me the [B]strength[/B] to [B]change[/B] the things that I [B]can[/B], [B]accept[/B] the things that I [B]can't[/B] and the [B]wisdom[/B] to know the [B]difference[/B]. ((((HUGS)))) [/QUOTE]
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