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Do you ever find yourself "diagnosis" someone else's difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 40697" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>I have often found myself thinking these things over in my mind when I see a kid that has such over the top behavior problems. Of course, same as you, I would never VOICE my opinions, but I always had them. I think that learning as much as we can to help our difficult child's makes the psychiatric disorder catalogue a big part of our lives and it is hard to have all that knowledge in your head and not put it to use, if even for your own personal entertainment at the time....</p><p></p><p>As far as using disorders as an excuse, I think it is a SAD SAD thing to be stuck in that mindset. I say that because I used to be, to an extent anyway. Not so very long ago as a matter of fact. When our difficult child moved in with us I was convinced that the terrorous rage fits and meltdowns were her intentionally trying to get us to give up on her, or to test us to see how much we could handle. Based on all the adjustments she has had to make and her insecurity about being moved into our home, I can still say now that my eyes have been opened that was part of it at first, and I think that is why things started off as roughly as they did. I don't believe for a minute that ANY of our difficult child's, no matter what their diagnosis, INTENTIONALLY MELT DOWN just so that they can be terror children. That being said, I still firmly believe that EVERY CHILD no matter whether they are easy child's or difficult child's is bound to try to make disagreements with their parents from time to time. No child is perfect, nor is any adult even, there are times when we are in a bad mood and are ready to disagree with someone just because we want to. It is part of growing up and part of testing the waters to find out what they can and can't get away with. The difference is that while easy child's can do this LOGICALLY and KNOW that they are in the wrong and are totally prepared to suffer the consequences if the CROSS the line..... our difficult child's go into complete lockdown and lose all sense of logic before they even GET TO the line. That is the point where they lose all control of themselves and cannot think straight enough to even CONSIDER that their might be consequences for their actions. I agree that too often people view these disorders as excuses for bad behavior,just for the sake of conversation, I will share with you my experience of learning this very hard fact for myself...the hard way...and what was said to me by our daughters psychiatrist and how she made me BEGIN to identify with what our difficult child was experiencing....... </p><p>"as HORRIBLE as it is for us to endure one of our difficult child's meltdowns, it is 50 times worse for them. NO ONE, no matter what their circumstances, is very comfortable or content with losing complete control of themself, even if they ARE intentionally trying to pick a fight with someone. Everyone has an explosion point....and children with these disorders not only have a SHORTER fuse, but it is also a more FRAGILE one, and the dynamite on the other end of their fuse is more EXPLOSIVE" Then, to prove her point, she proceeded to ask me if I had ever gotten so frustrated that I couldn't think straight, and being the parent of two preschoolers, and a preteen, of course, my answer was yes. And she asked me how I felt during that time and how I felt afterwards. My first thought was, I didn't really like being so mixed up that I couldn't think straight, and afterwards, when I thought about it, I felt really BAD because the way I acted in the situation was not the greatest ever. She then told me to multiply that frustration by 50 times, and add in the imagination that afterwards, I would not only know that I had acted badly, but not being able to even REMEMBER exactly what I did or said during my "little fit". She said that is how a difficult child feels. She said that consequently, as their frustration and meltdown is 50 times worse than anything we would go through, they feel 50 times as bad when it is over, and they cant even REMEMBER it all.</p><p></p><p>THAT was the turning point for us. That is when we finally started to realize (more important that what we were facing trying to control him) what our difficult child was experiencing. Having never been in such a situation, it is difficult for us to completely empathize with our difficult child, but it did give us a bit more insight into her thought process (or more importantly, her LACK of thought process, and her inability to even HAVE one while she is melting down)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 40697, member: 3527"] I have often found myself thinking these things over in my mind when I see a kid that has such over the top behavior problems. Of course, same as you, I would never VOICE my opinions, but I always had them. I think that learning as much as we can to help our difficult child's makes the psychiatric disorder catalogue a big part of our lives and it is hard to have all that knowledge in your head and not put it to use, if even for your own personal entertainment at the time.... As far as using disorders as an excuse, I think it is a SAD SAD thing to be stuck in that mindset. I say that because I used to be, to an extent anyway. Not so very long ago as a matter of fact. When our difficult child moved in with us I was convinced that the terrorous rage fits and meltdowns were her intentionally trying to get us to give up on her, or to test us to see how much we could handle. Based on all the adjustments she has had to make and her insecurity about being moved into our home, I can still say now that my eyes have been opened that was part of it at first, and I think that is why things started off as roughly as they did. I don't believe for a minute that ANY of our difficult child's, no matter what their diagnosis, INTENTIONALLY MELT DOWN just so that they can be terror children. That being said, I still firmly believe that EVERY CHILD no matter whether they are easy child's or difficult child's is bound to try to make disagreements with their parents from time to time. No child is perfect, nor is any adult even, there are times when we are in a bad mood and are ready to disagree with someone just because we want to. It is part of growing up and part of testing the waters to find out what they can and can't get away with. The difference is that while easy child's can do this LOGICALLY and KNOW that they are in the wrong and are totally prepared to suffer the consequences if the CROSS the line..... our difficult child's go into complete lockdown and lose all sense of logic before they even GET TO the line. That is the point where they lose all control of themselves and cannot think straight enough to even CONSIDER that their might be consequences for their actions. I agree that too often people view these disorders as excuses for bad behavior,just for the sake of conversation, I will share with you my experience of learning this very hard fact for myself...the hard way...and what was said to me by our daughters psychiatrist and how she made me BEGIN to identify with what our difficult child was experiencing....... "as HORRIBLE as it is for us to endure one of our difficult child's meltdowns, it is 50 times worse for them. NO ONE, no matter what their circumstances, is very comfortable or content with losing complete control of themself, even if they ARE intentionally trying to pick a fight with someone. Everyone has an explosion point....and children with these disorders not only have a SHORTER fuse, but it is also a more FRAGILE one, and the dynamite on the other end of their fuse is more EXPLOSIVE" Then, to prove her point, she proceeded to ask me if I had ever gotten so frustrated that I couldn't think straight, and being the parent of two preschoolers, and a preteen, of course, my answer was yes. And she asked me how I felt during that time and how I felt afterwards. My first thought was, I didn't really like being so mixed up that I couldn't think straight, and afterwards, when I thought about it, I felt really BAD because the way I acted in the situation was not the greatest ever. She then told me to multiply that frustration by 50 times, and add in the imagination that afterwards, I would not only know that I had acted badly, but not being able to even REMEMBER exactly what I did or said during my "little fit". She said that is how a difficult child feels. She said that consequently, as their frustration and meltdown is 50 times worse than anything we would go through, they feel 50 times as bad when it is over, and they cant even REMEMBER it all. THAT was the turning point for us. That is when we finally started to realize (more important that what we were facing trying to control him) what our difficult child was experiencing. Having never been in such a situation, it is difficult for us to completely empathize with our difficult child, but it did give us a bit more insight into her thought process (or more importantly, her LACK of thought process, and her inability to even HAVE one while she is melting down) [/QUOTE]
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Do you ever find yourself "diagnosis" someone else's difficult child?
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