Do YOU have a life?
- Thread starter InsaneCdn
- Start date
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
I had to vote yes I have a life. But then again, my kids are also grown, which in my opinion makes a difference.
However, even when they were young, I made it a point to have interests outside of caring for my kids. Being a stay at home mom.......this was a huge deal and often kept my sanity. And I made time for those interests, regardless of what was going on.
When they were young you could say it depended.......but even then I was careful to take time for myself. Otherwise when husband would get home from work I would be so starved for adult conversation that I'd maul him. lol
However, even when they were young, I made it a point to have interests outside of caring for my kids. Being a stay at home mom.......this was a huge deal and often kept my sanity. And I made time for those interests, regardless of what was going on.
When they were young you could say it depended.......but even then I was careful to take time for myself. Otherwise when husband would get home from work I would be so starved for adult conversation that I'd maul him. lol
Star*
call 911........call 911
Yep.........worked my kiester off to get it. And I didn't have one......so I'm very pleased to say after scaling K2 going down the going up Everest and then down and up Ranier? I HAVE A LIFE - and it was worth ever struggle, every bit of therapy and ever bit of TOUGH LOVE, and detachment (almost every bit) ------
I vote yes.
I vote yes.
keista
New Member
Good question, and I think about this often.
Currently, my life revolves around my kids. I think this is as it should be. I brought them into this world, and it's my responsibility to get them out into the world. This doesn't mean that I don't do things for myself, it just means that I do fewer things - outside the home for myself.
Oh, I get quite envious of friends posting on facebook who are doing this or that, but they have NO kids, so I really shouldn't compare. Some day, although I will still have kids, they will be less of a responsibility and I will have the freedom (and money) to go out and do more things JUST FOR ME.
So yes, I HAVE A *LIFE*, it is just 'different'. Different doesn't mean better or worse, it is just different.
Currently, my life revolves around my kids. I think this is as it should be. I brought them into this world, and it's my responsibility to get them out into the world. This doesn't mean that I don't do things for myself, it just means that I do fewer things - outside the home for myself.
Oh, I get quite envious of friends posting on facebook who are doing this or that, but they have NO kids, so I really shouldn't compare. Some day, although I will still have kids, they will be less of a responsibility and I will have the freedom (and money) to go out and do more things JUST FOR ME.
So yes, I HAVE A *LIFE*, it is just 'different'. Different doesn't mean better or worse, it is just different.
I have a life... a pretty great one. I am busy constantly, and I love it. But as others have said, I worked hard to get here. When my kids were younger, everything revolved around them (although they would probably disagree with that). Oh I managed to find social time for myself when I could, because it's an absolute necessity for me (a social life is like food for my extroverted self .. I need it to sustain myself). It was all so exhausting, though, the balancing act. At one point I was dealing with the girls' issues as well as my ailing parents' issues; it was overwhelming. There were days I didn't think I'd survive or ever have a life for myself. But, I finally got there.
I still get sucked back into the madness of my girls sometimes (a lot of times)... that will probably never end. But I counteract it by throwing myself into the things I love: music, friends, travel. My needs come first now, for the most part. I've become quite the selfish b ;-)
For those of you with younger kids, I urge you to carve out something that's just for you on a regular basis, if at all possible. A book club, a movie night, something. Those rare occasions where you can focus on yourself, even if only for a few hours, or even if only once a month, really do help get you through.
I still get sucked back into the madness of my girls sometimes (a lot of times)... that will probably never end. But I counteract it by throwing myself into the things I love: music, friends, travel. My needs come first now, for the most part. I've become quite the selfish b ;-)
For those of you with younger kids, I urge you to carve out something that's just for you on a regular basis, if at all possible. A book club, a movie night, something. Those rare occasions where you can focus on yourself, even if only for a few hours, or even if only once a month, really do help get you through.
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
I suppose it depends on how you define "a life".
I have a job that I really enjoy which provides a great deal of satisfaction.
I rarely go out to eat, don't socialize much, spend a lot of time at home when I'm not at work. But I don't want to socialize or go out. i find socializing to be incredibly hard work, and I'd rather sit quietly at home.
And I really do live in Aspie-world. Inside my own brain, 4 out of 5 of my children, and (my guess) at least 1/2 of my co-workers are on the spectrum. So I'm never really away from it. but honestly, I wouldn't want to be because it is where I'm most comfortable.
So, I guess I do have a life, just probably not one that others might feel at home in. In any case, I'm happy with it.
I have a job that I really enjoy which provides a great deal of satisfaction.
I rarely go out to eat, don't socialize much, spend a lot of time at home when I'm not at work. But I don't want to socialize or go out. i find socializing to be incredibly hard work, and I'd rather sit quietly at home.
And I really do live in Aspie-world. Inside my own brain, 4 out of 5 of my children, and (my guess) at least 1/2 of my co-workers are on the spectrum. So I'm never really away from it. but honestly, I wouldn't want to be because it is where I'm most comfortable.
So, I guess I do have a life, just probably not one that others might feel at home in. In any case, I'm happy with it.
T
TeDo
Guest
I stopped having a life when my kids were born. I was a single mom with 2 babies that were on opposite schedules so I got 3-4 hours of sleep a night in 10-15 min increments. After a year of that, social services paid someone to come to my house for 3 hours a day just so I could get some sleep. I have bounced from job to job because gfgness (and everything that goes with parenting them) ends up costing me the job. It's so bad right now, I can't even run to the grocery store (1/2 mile away) for a gallon of milk without my phone ringing saying to hurry home because one is doing something to the other. Even when difficult child is in school, I am afraid to do anything because I just know the school is going to call and interrupt anything I do so why bother. Social life? Not gonna happen for a loooooonnnnnnngggggg time.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
My life has changed. It seems whenever I try to do something fun, something bad happens to Duckie. Like last weekend, for instance: husband & I wanted to see the B52's. We decided to bring Duckie because she's been raised to their music and she really loves them. So here we are, doing something I really want to do, and don't you know her asthma starts up during the show? She toughed it out with her inhaler, but I feel cursed. I missed my 25th reunion a few weeks ago during the heatwave because her asthma was bad. husband and I haven't planned one special thing for our anniversary since she was four because she's always sick that weekend. Always. Of course I tend to feel this way more over the summer due to our continual togetherness; it'll be better once we're back in the routine of the school year.
So I think I'll have to change tactics and not make plans. Just be spontaneous.
So I think I'll have to change tactics and not make plans. Just be spontaneous.
cubsgirl
Well-Known Member
I have a life now that the kids are olders and they have their own lives to some extent. easy child has her first boyfriend and is almost never home these days. I have some church groups I attend, I go to movies with friends or my in-laws, I go to the gym five days a week, I hang out with my friends from time to time. We all had children young so we are just now realizing we have a life in our mid to late thirties 
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
You know it's very interesting, but back when I was single and childless, I had the same life I do now, without kid-doctor appts. Actually had a few of those here and there 'cause I would go with friends when they needed me. But mostly I played on the computer, drew, did arts & crafts, and hung out with a few close friends.
Now? I mostly cook, play on the computer, draw, occasional arts & crafts, hang out with the family and a few close friends.
Hmm.
Now? I mostly cook, play on the computer, draw, occasional arts & crafts, hang out with the family and a few close friends.
Hmm.
perhaps this poll should ask if we used to have a life and expect to have one again in the future. we figure we might be dead by then.
we keep being told by our therapists that we have no life.
we think we do - but it only happens about once every month or two when all the planets align and the sun is thinking about flaring.
we keep being told by our therapists that we have no life.
we think we do - but it only happens about once every month or two when all the planets align and the sun is thinking about flaring.
busywend
Well-Known Member
I am another one that obtained my life back upon the maturity of my difficult child. I have a life again! It is not what it would have been 10 years ago, meaning I do not go out partying it up - because I do not wish to.
Don't worry - your life will be yours again some day. Just let that bring a smile to your face when you need it most!
Don't worry - your life will be yours again some day. Just let that bring a smile to your face when you need it most!
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Bwahahahahaha. A life? Seriously? A life?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life
"Life (cf. biota) is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes (i. e., living organisms) from those that do not, either because such functions have ceased (death), or else because they lack such functions and are classified as inanimate"
So, technically, yes, I have life. However, a life? Bwahahahaha. Again.
I get up. I wrestle with my child to get him up and moving at a rate of speed that will actually get me to work while the first number on the timestamp is still the same as the one that I'm supposed to be arriving at, even if the last two numbers are vastly different. And I must do so without panicking, pushing, rushing, or otherwise stressing said child, or, that first goal WILL NOT be achieved.
I drop him off at wherever he goes for the day, evaluate the clock, and FLY to work. Once there, I attempt to let go of the morning and actually focus on increasingly pressing project demands, while jumping at every ring of a phone, expecting it to be the sitter or the school, calling to tell me of my child's latest indiscretions that I am supposed to magically fix right then, over the phone, by my innate ability to magically fix the very things I have been desperately seeking help and answers for since my child's age was announced in months...
I attempt to cram in 8 hours, skipping lunch most days to make up for the time I missed in the morning, or expect to miss in the afternoon. And I'll plan my evening such that I can log an hour, then, too, cause even if I don't get that dreaded phone call, I have to leave to go to physical therapy, and I hope that I can get there without having to pick up the kid on the way, otherwise my hour of physical therapy will take 2 or 3 if I have to keep dealing with Wee while I'm there...
After work, I get to finish what I didn't get done during the day at work and do the farm and household chores, plus any repairs and fix-its that need to be squeezed in somewhere.
And don't forget medication, t-, and p-doctor appointments, and therapy. And then there's t-ball. And toss in Cgfg. And yeah, a life? I think not.
I hope to get one someday. I saw them in the Sears catalog, once. I have been saving for a while now....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life
"Life (cf. biota) is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes (i. e., living organisms) from those that do not, either because such functions have ceased (death), or else because they lack such functions and are classified as inanimate"
So, technically, yes, I have life. However, a life? Bwahahahaha. Again.
I get up. I wrestle with my child to get him up and moving at a rate of speed that will actually get me to work while the first number on the timestamp is still the same as the one that I'm supposed to be arriving at, even if the last two numbers are vastly different. And I must do so without panicking, pushing, rushing, or otherwise stressing said child, or, that first goal WILL NOT be achieved.
I drop him off at wherever he goes for the day, evaluate the clock, and FLY to work. Once there, I attempt to let go of the morning and actually focus on increasingly pressing project demands, while jumping at every ring of a phone, expecting it to be the sitter or the school, calling to tell me of my child's latest indiscretions that I am supposed to magically fix right then, over the phone, by my innate ability to magically fix the very things I have been desperately seeking help and answers for since my child's age was announced in months...
I attempt to cram in 8 hours, skipping lunch most days to make up for the time I missed in the morning, or expect to miss in the afternoon. And I'll plan my evening such that I can log an hour, then, too, cause even if I don't get that dreaded phone call, I have to leave to go to physical therapy, and I hope that I can get there without having to pick up the kid on the way, otherwise my hour of physical therapy will take 2 or 3 if I have to keep dealing with Wee while I'm there...
After work, I get to finish what I didn't get done during the day at work and do the farm and household chores, plus any repairs and fix-its that need to be squeezed in somewhere.
And don't forget medication, t-, and p-doctor appointments, and therapy. And then there's t-ball. And toss in Cgfg. And yeah, a life? I think not.
I hope to get one someday. I saw them in the Sears catalog, once. I have been saving for a while now....
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Thanks to all the seasoned, "graduated" warriors out there for their kind words of encouragement.
Given that it never really was mine to start with, it will be interesting to see what kind of a life I end up with... but its good to be reminded that these days won't last forever.
That is... as long as I don't cave in between now and then, there just might be hope!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I have a life, but I didn't when my kids were young and my first husband didn't help at all.
At 58, I am DETERMINED to have a great rest-of-my-life. It helps that my two remaining children are not behavior problems. My older children were far more challenging. Plus my hub of sixteen years is very helpful when issues do come up with our teens. THAT helps too!
At 58, I am DETERMINED to have a great rest-of-my-life. It helps that my two remaining children are not behavior problems. My older children were far more challenging. Plus my hub of sixteen years is very helpful when issues do come up with our teens. THAT helps too!
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
I noticed something last night.
I have, maybe not a super-active SOCIAL LIFE, but I have purpose.
I made spaghetti for dinner. Nothing fancy. But J came upstairs, helped me set the table, went and found husband outside, and then told me how much he liked eating together as a family.
And it occurred to me - I'm doing things. I'm helping my son learn to grieve, learn manners, learn to work, learn to relax, learn to be part of a family.
Isn't that a life? And a darned good one?
I have, maybe not a super-active SOCIAL LIFE, but I have purpose.
I made spaghetti for dinner. Nothing fancy. But J came upstairs, helped me set the table, went and found husband outside, and then told me how much he liked eating together as a family.
And it occurred to me - I'm doing things. I'm helping my son learn to grieve, learn manners, learn to work, learn to relax, learn to be part of a family.
Isn't that a life? And a darned good one?
N
Nomad
Guest
I'm glad that most here have found there way to having a "life."
Many years ago, there was a brief period of time, that I didn't have much of a life.
I had baggage from my youth, my own difficult health problems and adopted a child who ended up having serious mental health and then physical health issues. Too many losses, disappointments and much confusion. I found it way toooo much.
However, I really wanted better for myself and my family and I knew that it was important that no matter what the obstacle (and it was A LOT) that I get it together.
I was fortunate that I had/have a very kind husband, we had good insurance and I found good doctors and advisors and slowly, but consistently improved. The last several years have been very good and the last few years have been spectacular. It took much personal effort.
As a side note...it starting happening a little when my difficult child turned 17,...more at 18...,and then I went into warp speed about a year later. Detached...free at last, free at last, free at last.
I have grown in leeps and bounds and have achieved things I really am very proud of.
Today, I feel blessed.
Sending good thoughts to everyone here...wishing all MUCH happiness.
Many years ago, there was a brief period of time, that I didn't have much of a life.
I had baggage from my youth, my own difficult health problems and adopted a child who ended up having serious mental health and then physical health issues. Too many losses, disappointments and much confusion. I found it way toooo much.
However, I really wanted better for myself and my family and I knew that it was important that no matter what the obstacle (and it was A LOT) that I get it together.
I was fortunate that I had/have a very kind husband, we had good insurance and I found good doctors and advisors and slowly, but consistently improved. The last several years have been very good and the last few years have been spectacular. It took much personal effort.
As a side note...it starting happening a little when my difficult child turned 17,...more at 18...,and then I went into warp speed about a year later. Detached...free at last, free at last, free at last.
I have grown in leeps and bounds and have achieved things I really am very proud of.
Today, I feel blessed.
Sending good thoughts to everyone here...wishing all MUCH happiness.
KTMom91
Well-Known Member
Overall, I'm pretty happy with my life. Even though school starts Aug.22, I don't expect to be called to work for several weeks after that. I like working 3 -4 days a week, reading and reviewing, going to the gym, walking the dog, spending quiet evenings with Hubby watching TV or occasionally going to dinner...but when Miss KT was younger, things were very different.
