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Do you know a Psychopath?
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 130553" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I hate to jump on the "My ex is a psychopath" bandwagon, but in the case of my kids' dad, it just might be true. Unless you are willing to believe that misguided thought patterns that could have <em>possibly</em> been altered when that person was very young have continued and strengthened into adulthood and beyond, complicated by severe alcoholism and Rx drug abuse ... are some people just too badly damaged (self-inflicted) and too far gone to ever change? I sincerely believe that he is. He was one of six children raised by the same parents in the same home - the other five are all fine upstanding citizens, decent, responsible, honorable people. Then there is HIM!</p><p> </p><p>He apparently was always the "problem child" in the family and began drinking when he was a very young teenager - it took over his life. If you don't know him well, he can seem very sincere and can make you believe that night is day. You soon find out that 99&#37; of what comes out of his mouth is lies. He says whatever you want to hear, whatever will make <em>him</em> sound good, whatever will get <em>him</em> what <em>he</em> wants - there is no conscience there at all and truth isn't even an abstract concept to him. He lies, he manipulates, he twists things, all to his own advantage. When manipulation and persuasion don't work, he resorts to threats of intimidation, rage and threats of violence. Rules don't apply to him and if he can get away with something, all the better. Everything is always somebody else's fault, it's "not fair", and everybody should feel sorry for him. He can actually rationalize away and justify to himself everything he does, whether it makes sense to anybody else or not. He is truly the more selfish, self-centered person I have ever known. The whole world revolves around <em>him</em> and nothing else matters. I honestly don't think he has genuine feelings for anyone, only how he can use them to his advantge. Other people, even his own children, don't matter either, only so far as they can be "used" to get him what he wants. This is the man who "borrowed" his own son's name and SSN to run up bills he never intended to pay! But he still feels like the kids should feel "obligated" to him ... like they owe him something????? And in twenty years of a horrible, abusive marriage, he never ONCE said "I'm sorry" for anything - not to me and not to the kids - because he's NOT sorry and never will be! And he will NEVER admit that he has a problem with alcohol and drugs.</p><p> </p><p>The last 12 years since we divorced have been the happiest in my life! I avoided him as best I could and four years ago he moved out of state to be with his brothers and sisters. But I can never be completely free of him because he is my children's father. Quite honestly, I am surprised that he's still alive! Anyone who drinks as much as he does, mixes in Rx drugs (and who knows what else!) - then DRIVES in this condition, is on borrowed time. He's ALWAYS drinking and when he's drunk he's mean and beligerent and starts trouble. The kids were led to believe that he had held the same job and lived in the same place for the last four years, but apparently that's not true. He can't hold a job, has moved from place to place, and has borrowed money from all his family members with no intention of paying them back - after four years, they are <em>finally</em> seeing that they are enabling him and have refused to loan him any more money. Our married daughter (who has always felt sorry for him and tried to defend him) also loaned him money, which he faithfully promised to repay and never did. He actually called her <em>again</em> a few weeks ago wanting to borrow money and she turned him down flat! Then he called our son <em>ten times in one day</em>, wanting to borrow money, putting a real guilt-trip on him - he too turned him down. If anybody DOESN'T "owe him", it's my son, after the horrible way he has treated him! So he may finally be hitting bottom - at age fifty-something!</p><p> </p><p>He's never had any diagnosis because he's never believed that anything was wrong with him - it's everybody else! What do you think? Could someone like this have been helped when they were younger, if the proper interventions were in place? Or was he just "mis-wired" at birth and this is just who he really is? He is certainly a sociopath, but is he a "psychopath"? I honestly think that some people like him are too far gone to be helped, and certainly not if they are unwilling to admit that they are the cause of their own problems. I believe that when you have problems to start with, and when you drink as much as he has for as long as he has and you have killed off one too many brain cells, at his age he will continue his downward spiral and there isn't much anybody else can do but stand there and watch.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 130553, member: 1883"] I hate to jump on the "My ex is a psychopath" bandwagon, but in the case of my kids' dad, it just might be true. Unless you are willing to believe that misguided thought patterns that could have [I]possibly[/I] been altered when that person was very young have continued and strengthened into adulthood and beyond, complicated by severe alcoholism and Rx drug abuse ... are some people just too badly damaged (self-inflicted) and too far gone to ever change? I sincerely believe that he is. He was one of six children raised by the same parents in the same home - the other five are all fine upstanding citizens, decent, responsible, honorable people. Then there is HIM! He apparently was always the "problem child" in the family and began drinking when he was a very young teenager - it took over his life. If you don't know him well, he can seem very sincere and can make you believe that night is day. You soon find out that 99% of what comes out of his mouth is lies. He says whatever you want to hear, whatever will make [I]him[/I] sound good, whatever will get [I]him[/I] what [I]he[/I] wants - there is no conscience there at all and truth isn't even an abstract concept to him. He lies, he manipulates, he twists things, all to his own advantage. When manipulation and persuasion don't work, he resorts to threats of intimidation, rage and threats of violence. Rules don't apply to him and if he can get away with something, all the better. Everything is always somebody else's fault, it's "not fair", and everybody should feel sorry for him. He can actually rationalize away and justify to himself everything he does, whether it makes sense to anybody else or not. He is truly the more selfish, self-centered person I have ever known. The whole world revolves around [I]him[/I] and nothing else matters. I honestly don't think he has genuine feelings for anyone, only how he can use them to his advantge. Other people, even his own children, don't matter either, only so far as they can be "used" to get him what he wants. This is the man who "borrowed" his own son's name and SSN to run up bills he never intended to pay! But he still feels like the kids should feel "obligated" to him ... like they owe him something????? And in twenty years of a horrible, abusive marriage, he never ONCE said "I'm sorry" for anything - not to me and not to the kids - because he's NOT sorry and never will be! And he will NEVER admit that he has a problem with alcohol and drugs. The last 12 years since we divorced have been the happiest in my life! I avoided him as best I could and four years ago he moved out of state to be with his brothers and sisters. But I can never be completely free of him because he is my children's father. Quite honestly, I am surprised that he's still alive! Anyone who drinks as much as he does, mixes in Rx drugs (and who knows what else!) - then DRIVES in this condition, is on borrowed time. He's ALWAYS drinking and when he's drunk he's mean and beligerent and starts trouble. The kids were led to believe that he had held the same job and lived in the same place for the last four years, but apparently that's not true. He can't hold a job, has moved from place to place, and has borrowed money from all his family members with no intention of paying them back - after four years, they are [I]finally[/I] seeing that they are enabling him and have refused to loan him any more money. Our married daughter (who has always felt sorry for him and tried to defend him) also loaned him money, which he faithfully promised to repay and never did. He actually called her [I]again[/I] a few weeks ago wanting to borrow money and she turned him down flat! Then he called our son [I]ten times in one day[/I], wanting to borrow money, putting a real guilt-trip on him - he too turned him down. If anybody DOESN'T "owe him", it's my son, after the horrible way he has treated him! So he may finally be hitting bottom - at age fifty-something! He's never had any diagnosis because he's never believed that anything was wrong with him - it's everybody else! What do you think? Could someone like this have been helped when they were younger, if the proper interventions were in place? Or was he just "mis-wired" at birth and this is just who he really is? He is certainly a sociopath, but is he a "psychopath"? I honestly think that some people like him are too far gone to be helped, and certainly not if they are unwilling to admit that they are the cause of their own problems. I believe that when you have problems to start with, and when you drink as much as he has for as long as he has and you have killed off one too many brain cells, at his age he will continue his downward spiral and there isn't much anybody else can do but stand there and watch. [/QUOTE]
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