Do You Think This is Over-Stepping ?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Here's the question (I know how I feel - but maybe I am over-reacting....I wanted to get some opinions before I respond):

    If your 16 year old child had a custodial savings account (which means they can deposit whatever they want, but they need a parent signature to withdraw),

    how would you feel if somebody offered to take them to a bank to open a NON-custodial account?

    Would this be fine with you?

    Thanks for your opinions...
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There's lots of well-meaning people out there who don't know the whole picture and don't understand that controls are in place "to keep the kid safe", not because we're control freaks.

    Was the offer given to YOU or to the child?
    If its to the child... I'd be livid... because it's a direct working-against - even if it isn't meant that way.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    "Somebody"?! WHO?!

    in my opinion? Let difficult child open her own account. She has to do all the depositing, and when she overdraws, natural consequences take over... :devil:

    It depends, really, on who it is. And the fact is, no one has to TAKE her. She can do it on her own...
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    The offer was made TO THE CHILD -

    by the Behavior Therapist who is working with our family!!!!

    difficult child came home with bank brochures yesterday telling me how she sat down and met with a bank rep and asked all kids of questions about getting this account....and isn't it exciting???...and the therapist will take her back on Friday to opne this account....
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    OH MY DEITY...

    How absolutely ridiculous. I'd be complaining (to... WHOEVER)... And... Since she has to have a parent signature to withdraw? REFUSE. She doesn't get THAT money, too.

    What's she going to deposit anyway? I didn't think she had a job?
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    (((no jinx....)))

    difficult child got herself a part-time job this summer. Like 6 hours a week. And she's already been on the verge of getting fired several times - so I haven't mentioned it because I know the minute I say something....*poof*....that will be that.

    This past week, another girl quit - so difficult child got a LOT of hours....and she will actually be getting a pretty nice check. In her head, it's already spent...
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Essentially, the behavioral specialist is telling you, indirectly, that you're nothing but a control-freak of a parent.

    Livid doesn't even touch it.
    And yes, we've been there done that too.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Not! Why would anyone outside of the family step up with that??

    If there is some plausible explanation (I can't even guess at one!) then you and difficult child could go together and open a small unrestricted account to see how she does. NO way would I allow her access to the existing account in another format. Geez! DDD
  9. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i'll go with some kind of misguided attempt to encourage independence.

    and i'd probably let her. with her next check. *NOT* the money from the custodial acct--i wouldnt sign that line for all the tea in china.. in fact, i'd probably let her know that she'll still need to contribute to it, but she's free to put the balance in her new account.

    and i'd let her spend away. i'd control myself when she spends $40 on candy and another $30 on plushies/teen mags/5 below junk, etc.

    use it as a teaching moment. there is no better lesson than blowing through your money and having none at the end of the week when you want to go out on fri night and dont have the $$ for the movies. its something that every human being needs to experience to doling out custodial acct money reinforces that kid view that the atm spits out free money. she's 16. she has a job. its a natural step toward adulthood.

    but i'd keep the current money completely off limits.

    oh yea, and i'd make it very clear to the BA that she needs to run these ideas by you first. period.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was thinking this too. And I like the idea that she could maybe put a token amount of the money in THAT account (maybe 30% or 50% or whatever you are comfortable with)

    BUT I would have a talk with the behavior person and make it clear that a life decision like that is a parenting decision and unless it is in the behavior plan as a specific goal that you all decide on please ask in private before doing anything like this again.
  11. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I'd say let her do it. If she has to learn the hard way, oh well...
    Just lay the rule ahead of time: if she blows her money, she cannot come to you for more. PERIOD.
    Saying no, would probably not bring anything positive.
    As far as "using" the money on the custodial account... all depends how much money there is, who put it there and for what purpose.
    If it is intended for college, a car or whatever big project. You have to protect it!
    If it is just a small amount of spending money: let her be in charge.
    Maybe explain that she is indeed old enough (mature enough?? maybe not....) and that it is time for her to learn about financial responsibility. Make yourself available as an adviser if she wants your advice at all.
    If she makes a mistake, ask her if she wants you to guide her next time.
    Hopefully that "unwelcomed initiative" from the therapist will not turn into a disaster...
    Good luck!
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes, I agree that perhaps the therapist was helping difficult child work towards some level of independence also. HOWEVER, given that the therapist has been working with the family, he/she would KNOW the circumstances behind the custodial account and should have invited you in on that conversation to go over it with you as well - NOT get your permission, but to at least understand the goal in mind. I'd be very annoyed, because I see this action as the therapist undermining your position as parent but that's my feeling. I'd probably put a call into the therapist and state my feelings on the matter and end up taking a step back from difficult child and this new account.
  13. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Nope, would NOT be fine with me. My difficult child started working last spring and had difficult time cashing his check at the bank because I was not present. husband took him to open a CHECKING account with-debit card. I do not like that either. But did fill out the auto deposit making sure that some money goes into the custodial account.

    Don't you have to be present? Wouldn't you have to sign to have that account opened? NOT ok.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, if (when) it does turn into a disaster, the therapist will NOT be there to pick up the pieces... all of THAT falls to the family.
  15. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would be furious. Doesn't a parent have to sign? Since she's under age, someone is going to have to be responsible for that acct.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I know that in this area, at age 16 a minor can open their own account without a guardian's signature.

    in my opinion, it's silly - but a lot of kids have jobs...
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I wouldn't let her touch the custodial account, but if difficult child doesn't have to pay you some money for whatever she might owe you and her job money is her mad money, then by all means, if the behavioral therapist wants to sign off and put HER credit rating on the line for difficult child (not yours)? Well, I'm sure they can come up with a behavior chart for that together to reinforce the natural consequences.
  18. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Behavioral therapist way overstepped here. I would be furious.
  19. keista

    keista New Member

    First, I'd be livid. That BA really needs a talking to. SHOULD have gotten run by you first, no ifs, ands or buts!

    Second, after I'd calmed down, I'd say "go for it kid!" The custodial account is still not to be touched, and MUST be contributed to. MINIMUM 10% (that's the gold standard for saving) If it turns out she needs your signature to open the account, you are in luck and can exercise more control by upping the required savings percentage - or else no signature.

    After that, let her learn by trial and error the level of responsibility this takes. I seriously wish my dad had done this. When I started working, he put my whole check in savings, and I got an "allowance" from it . May have been a 50/50 split - I don't remember. This taught me NOTHING I was not in control of contributing to savings, so I didn't learn that self discipline, I was resentful that he "took" my whole check, and in general I was and remained irresponsible with money. She's gonna have to learn sometime. Just make sure that if she overdraws HER account that it does not affect you in any way. She must learn the bite of overdraft fees and such.
  20. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    I think i would be upset that the idea wasn't run by me first, but as long as it is not on you, let her do it. Danny went thru this with an auto accident settlement - didn't understand (or maybe he did LOL) that checks are to be used when there is money to back them. He got in an awful mess and I didn't appear with any kind of shovel to dig him out. How he didn't go to jail is beyond me. But now that he is working, realized he was losing a lot of money having to cash his check at one of those check cashing places, and got his act together and cleared up the past problems.

    I remember when I graduated, and was working, my mother took my whole check and I got 20.00 a week (to cover transportation, meals, clothes) I wish she had let me handle my own money cause when I was on my own, had no clue that money was not an unending deal, and it took me a while to get a grip on my own finances.